Tytanica was caught mining illegally in the Josamento system. Agent D34dly D34dly of the PKing Since Pong alliance terminated the miner's Venture. Since she was still asleep, he was also able to destroy her 96 million isk pod, which contained a set of Standard learning implants.
The very next day, Tytanica was caught again. She was mining in the exact same system--even the same asteroid belt! She'd upgraded to a Retriever, which was partially tanked. And once again, she was too slow to save her pod. Just like the day before, it contained a 96 million isk set of learning implants.
Lesson not learned, apparently.
Agent Larsulrik Napsterbane, one of the gankers on the most recent kill, received a convo request from Tytanica. The miner's tears were odd. Is this the new thing--crypto tears?
Larsulrik tried to help the miner, but she persisted in her madness.
Tytanica began to spam the convo. Her strategy didn't increase her chances of getting her loss reimbursed, that's for sure.
Tytanica's foul spam continued. Agent Larsulrik had a revelation: The miner was angry!
When Larsulrik asked the miner a question, she responded by changing her repeated message. She also went back to doing that strange number thing. She truly was a bot-aspirant.
Our Agent's Code-based wisdom pierced the fog of spam like a beam of light cutting through the darkness. But was Tytanica capable of comprehending it?
Carebears often whine about not getting enough warning about the Code. Actually, our Agents are very interested in directing people to the Code. The reason miners lose ships is that they act more or less like Tytanica.
Tytanica's spam messages continued to evolve--but too slowly to be of any real use to anyone.
Larsulrik considered the possibility that spamming was the miner's way of trying to calm down after losing her Retriever. Maybe it was like someone counting to ten when they get angry. Our Agent left the miner to it.
Re: Confiscation Report: JosametoIn response, Tytanica started sending EVEmails instead.
Sent: 2017.08.25 20:20
To: Larsulrik Napsterbane
Find you in the real world
To be continued...
Oh how I wish this convo was live streamed. Someone tell CCP!ReplyDelete
I did but they just shrugged and said "So" might get better results praying to the invisible man in the sky. But wait you always can call your savior, he's supposed to help all his children right, if he doesn't drown them in tubs of tears first.Delete
I did but they told me miners have more rights.Delete
I guess your just gonna have to suck it up then.Delete
Oh dear. This miner seems to be malfunctioning badly.ReplyDelete
Nonetheless, I suspect CCP will turn a blind eye to them committing well over 100 violations of the EULA in a single conversation...
CCP is blind eyes, didn't you hear someone took all their eyes out, said they wanted a fresh source of tears.Delete
As highsec miners go that one was pretty high-functioning.ReplyDelete
Well then professor the solution is simple, prepeare for surgery so we can remove the brain, whether it is a chip or an actual brain doesn't matter to me, its all a hoot to get someone WIRED.Delete
Don't worry I'll bring my bone saw if you don't have one.
The tale takes a turn for the sinister. Will Agent Larsulrik be okay??ReplyDelete
I do hope it does take a turn, happy ending are so boring, surprise endings are soo much more fun, Just like the original little mermaid story, where she dies and the kids have to be good or she stays dead.Delete
Isn't that educational.
There's nothing quite as satisfying as a good ol' miner-bot meltdown.ReplyDelete
Kill it again and again until it corrects itself or rage quits.
Oh have you heard of my slices rule, where for each infraction I slice something away from the fool. Lets just say there aren't too many one armed players.Delete
All cry to CCP, The miners are cursing at us!!ReplyDelete
Now those are some tears to lap up right away. AGENT HURT BY WORDS. Please tell me your story I may want to bottle these up and save them for my next party. If you want an invite I can send you one but I don't think the language is to your liking. Trust me the asylum is n place for a frail tearful person, but come anyway, we'll have you for dinner.Delete
Why is it that all the shittiest people end up mining in highsec? Highsec mining is like a magnet for savages and filth.ReplyDelete
Oh good that means there's plenty of people to kill, I love it, Lets go boys this universe needs an enema.Delete
why didn't antiganking stop the gank?ReplyDelete
I think they were all at a meeting of kalynn's killer karebears. Where else would ag savages hang out?Delete
Because I had a ball, I bounced the ball, they watched the ball, I juggled the ball, they clapped for the juggling, I tossed them the ball, they played with the ball. I left the room, they waved goodbye, then I sent in 30 hungry half starved pig to eat AG in the room. They didn't do much after that.Delete
They were busy camping some gates in anticipation of evil tristan pilot ;)Delete
I think this is a part of one of the greater philosophical questions of our time, the one called "Schrödinger's miner".ReplyDelete
Gigx is a great example of it. Gigx was making real life death threats, exactly like the miner Larsulrik encountered, which would make Gigx a miner. But at the same time Gigx was permanently banned by CCP, which is CCP's way of saying that you have won the game, and as we all know only Agents are receiving this honour. Which would make Gigx an Agent.
So this is the "Schrödinger's miner" problem; is Gigx a miner or an Agent? How can we know the answer to this important question?
Easy! Every problem can be solved by reading and understanding the Code. It is the same as the binaries Goofus and Gallant. You can only be one, not both at the same time. If you are a Goofus you can’t be a Gallant at the same time. So this proves that Gigx is a miner you should know that you can't be both a miner and an Agent, so the conclusion is simple, Gigx is a miner, and I will pray for his redemption.
I have prepared a miner permit for him if he would return to the game and start mining in HiSec.
Pray all you want but I'm sure the big guy upstairs has left the phone off the hook, of course maybe all it takes is a hug. Yes, Jesus needs a hug, or does your religion pray to James, in which case you need to send more MONEY.Delete
Oh lovely how the root of all evil is money, but then again the real church needs it too. OH my, looks like if James is evil because of money then church is evil because of money.
What a conundrum.....
Burn it all and let the big guy figure it out.
CCP very publicly just confirmed that threats to go and find someone in real life and do them harm is a permabannable offense.ReplyDelete
Can they really be so blatantly hypocritical as not to ban this rabid miner for the very same offense immediately after the gigx thing?
Are you crying?Delete
Don't be ridiculous, not the same level intent.Delete
Level intent, someone's not just crying but drunk.Delete
meh seems made upReplyDelete