Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Beautiful on the Inside, Too

Agent Lawrence Lawton broke up a criminal enterprise involving an unlicensed Hulk and its Mammoth accomplice. In fact, let's have a look at that hauler:

Yeah, that's not gonna wash.

Still radiant from the glory of his victory, Agent Lawrence sent a reminder to the carebear not to be so bad at EVE (at least while in New Order territory). The hauler pilot, Daniel Dravot, bristled.

Lawrence again reminded the miner about his obligations under the Code. Terrible Mammoth fit notwithstanding, Daniel has been playing EVE since 2010. He should've known better.

It soon became clear why Daniel was incapable of learning the game: He didn't accept the legitimacy of the outcome of PvP engagements. If someone killed him, that merely reflected poorly on the PvP'er in real life. Our Agent wanted to educate the miner further, but considered that Daniel might be the sort of fellow who's quick with the "block" button.

The miner expanded upon his earlier theories. Apparently he believed that anyone who doesn't pilot ridiculously awful Mammoths must be morally bankrupt.

Lawrence wasn't buying what Daniel was selling. Lawrence already had a fully formed philosophy for playing EVE: the Code. And unlike Daniel's philosophy--which only results in embarrassing lossmails--the Code actually works.

Daniel wouldn't budge. As time went on, he became more convinced of his own rightness. The better someone is at EVE, the worse they are. The miner could take pride in how bad he was at EVE. Daniel was freed from the inconvenient burden of performing good deeds to prove his character; all he had to do was put together a trash-fit hauler in a video game.

The miner explained away the whole "PvP in a PvP game" concept. No one was supposed to fire upon his vessels. Not if they didn't want a stain on their soul. Agent Lawrence saw things very differently--and was able to cite his freshly won killmails as support for his own view.

Daniel wasn't quite able to figure out why the lack of sovereignty mechanics matters for highsec but not for lowsec. His mind was busy with other things, anyway.

According to Daniel, being shot at in a spaceship-shooting game was the best thing that had ever happened to him. If he ever harbored any doubts about what a great person he was, his e-martyrdom in an Otela asteroid belt was enough to dispel them.

If true, though, Daniel should've been perfectly happy to lose another ship. But was he?

In lieu of purchasing a New Order mining permit and proudly presenting it in his bio like a normal person, Daniel came up with something completely different. Will it keep him safe? Unlikely. But if he loses another ship, maybe he'll win a Nobel Prize.


  1. I think Daniel Dravot is actually a pretty smart guy!
    Think about it: If any EVE player reads the first line of his bio, they will be compelled not to shoot him because all EVE players are kind hearted and respect each other's wishes.

    1. I'm running locators on him right now, just so I can "not" shoot him. Bio success.

      The only way to fix someone like that danielshitter is to gank him until he quits. It's better for him AND the game when he finally understands his kind don't belong in EVE.

    2. I too will run locators on him and blow up his hulks, let's hope he leaves the game soon.

  2. Very useful stuff you describe here. Thanks for sharing such wonderful information.

  3. wow just wow. Thomas stealing ag donations and running away from code when positive sec code members are on grid. goes to show antigankers are all about themselves.

    damn if they weren't failing non-stop daily all the time.

    1. Daily you say? That's a LOT of fail. Holy shit, ag should just biomass, en masse. XD

      I'm just sayin...that carebears are genetically interior, it would help the gene pool greatly if they all doomheimed tomorrow.

      In game of course. ;)

  4. Wow that is a lot of rage over somebody playing a game (in what is your opinion) the "wrong way". Do you need the services of a mental health provider? At the very least it can not be good for your blood pressure to hold on to such anger.

  5. As an actual accountant from Reno, I take personal offense to this goofuses disparaging of my chosen profession and residence. Just 'cause he can't make a fit worth a damn or not get blown up, it's no reason to shade an entire profession or city. I will now make a point of following him around EvE and blowing him up anywhere and everywhere he chooses to be...

  6. Seeing a Goofus refuse to become compliant while doggedly claiming moral superiority can indeed be frustrating Anon950. You may find comfort reading the case of Kill: torchwood 456 torchwood (Charon), the 7-year-old nullsec evacuee with the 23b cargo who lost everything and thereby found The Code.

  7. Thank you for posting such topics

  8. Meh seems made up

  9. I could see a doujin with this article title..


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