Saturday, June 2, 2018

Pushed Out of the Nest

Meet Umar Williams.

Only two days after he started playing EVE, Umar was busy violating the Code. This did not endear him to Agent Mack Poddington, who caught the young miner engaged in illegal activity. As a warning, Agent Mack ganked Umar and told him to stop.

He didn't stop. Less than an hour later, Agent Lawrence Lawton discovered Umar mining in the same system. Umar had an even more pathetically fit Venture. It seemed that this miner was not a quick study.
Umar Williams > Why did you fo that?
Umar Williams > You're alll FUCKIng cancer all of your type, ruining a good game
Lawrence Lawton > gf miner
Lawrence Lawton > Too bad you were AFK and weren't around to enjoy it
Only after being ganked the second time did Umar realize that he wouldn't be allowed to violate the Code. He'd simply be ganked again and again, indefinitely.
Umar Williams > I wasn't
Umar Williams > You didn't even ask fi I was AFK
Lawrence Lawton > then why in James' name didn't you warp off?
Umar Williams > I did try
Umar Williams > But I don't know if you know but you put a thing that stopped me
The miner denied that he'd been AFK, of course. Despite being so new to the game, he was a practiced liar.
Lawrence Lawton > better work on your reflexes. you might as well have been AFK. I even got your instawarping pod.
Umar Williams > Retard
Lawrence Lawton > If I'm a retard and you lost to me, what's does that say about you?
Lawrence Lawton > What's lower than a retard?
Umar Williams > Steven hawking was in some people's definition a retard
What's lower than a "retard"? A bot-aspirant, for one. Or a Goofus. Agent Lawrence had just met Umar, but his judgment of the miner was rapidly headed in that direction.
Lawrence Lawton > am I like stephen hawking to you?
Lawrence Lawton > (may he rest in peace)
Umar Williams > Well done on ruining a good game for me
Umar Williams > You didn't even ask if I was AFK a check could be a good idea Genius
The newbie was too unfamiliar with the Code to even attempt to make the false claim about warnings being required. Many rebel miners try to cite this "phantom" provision. Even so, Umar still demanded that Lawrence ask him whether he was AFK before ganking him. How can we explain this? It must be some sort of highsec miner instinct.
Lawrence Lawton > Why would I ask you whether you're AFK?
Umar Williams > Because if you get a response you know I'm not
Umar Williams > Bit slow on comprehending things aren't yoy
Lawrence Lawton > If I kill you and your pod then I know you're AFK
Lawrence Lawton > The onus is on the miner to demonstrate that he is not AFK. Read The Code.
Umar Williams > wow so I won't take any precaution and check I'll just kill him anyway
Umar couldn't believe that someone would want to shoot someone else's spaceship. He wasn't cut out for EVE.
Lawrence Lawton > well to be fair, you were mining in my space without a permit. that makes you a criminal. why would I pay you a courtesy of an AFK check?
Umar Williams > Well because I did not know I had to pay
Lawrence Lawton > seem like you just had this conversation with Mack Poddington a few minutes ago.
Umar Williams > Yea because you're all cunts
The miner was caught in yet another lie. Apparently he wasn't aware that Lawrence and Mack are as close as brothers.
Umar Williams > I did not know that place was protected by your "cult"
Lawrence Lawton > Ignorance of The Code is a sign of bot-aspirancy.
Umar Williams > Just proving the cult bit aren't you
Lawrence Lawton > Would you like to buy a mining permit?
Umar Williams > No I would not because I cannot afford one thanks to you
According to Umar, the loss of the second Venture (1.7 million isk) prevented him from being able to purchase a 10 million isk permit. Time to go begging in Jita, I guess.
Umar Williams > No point asking afterwards is there genius
Lawrence Lawton > Better go back to your school system until you're ready to live in big boy space.
Lawrence Lawton > 0.5 and higher is James 315 Territory.
Lawrence Lawton > has been for as long as I can remember.
Agent Lawrence suggested that the miner get a fresh start. But Umar seemed determined to whine his way to success.
Umar Williams > Well I didn't know that, I'm new to the game and you didn't give me any chances or pointers saying that "Hey you need a mining permit to mine here"
Lawrence Lawton > Mack poddington told you and yet you came back in another venture to the same spot.
Umar Williams > I did not know it was rthe smae spot use you brain and look at the last sentance "I'm new to the game"
Next, Umar insisted that he didn't know he was mining in the same location where he'd previously been ganked. Maurasi X-6 is not a long journey from Maurasi XI-12, though.
Lawrence Lawton > Your kind is unwelcome here. Go AFK mine in lowsec if you must. I hear Tama is nice.
Umar Williams > So basically no matter where I go I will be killed
Umar Williams > Well done on helping people
Umar Williams > Really making the place safer and better as you claim to be doing
Lawrence Lawton > Indeed. Highsec has much improved since we came to power.
The miner moaned that he wasn't receiving enough help from the "fucking cancer" and the "cunts" he so despised. Even if that were true, it's not as though anyone else is volunteering to do the New Order's job. Where was Anti-Ganking during all of this, anyway?
Umar Williams > Sacrcasm you retard are you sure you don't need to go back to school, maybe proper school this time tho
Lawrence Lawton > better use /s if you want to be sarcastic in text. Otherwise people will just assume you're stupid like every miner.
Umar Williams > Or maybe people could use theior brain I refer you ro "I'm new to the game"
Lawrence Lawton > Why would you join the PvP game where nobody is safe anywhere and then go mining?
Lawrence Lawton > with the expectation of safety and being "left alone"? That's not what EVE is about.
I wonder what EVE's marketing team is up to these days. I suppose I don't have the right cookies to get banner ads like "Sign up for EVE Online, be safe and AFK forever!"
Umar Williams > Because Mining is the only way I can make money and as I have pointed you to before "I did niot know it was you territory"
Lawrence Lawton > That doesn't explain two venture losses.
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Umar Williams (Venture) didn't know
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Umar Williams (Venture) knew
Lawrence Lawton > I am forced to conclude that you did that on purpose.
CCP needs to add a "debate" section to the tutorial. These miners get crushed in every argument they have with our Agents.
Umar Williams > Like I said before "I did not know it was the smae spot I'm new to the game"
Umar Williams > Use your brain and take in some of what I'm saying, it could help you
Lawrence Lawton > We're not making much progress. Let me leave you with the following advice: get a permit or get out of highsec.
Lawrence Lawton > bye!
Our Agent concluded by inviting the newbie to explore other areas of the EVE galaxy. Since Ventures were originally designed for non-highsec mining, it's not like Umar didn't have the right equipment for it.

Umar decided to take Lawrence's advice. He joined Pandemic Horde and presumably made his way to nullsec. Highsec is better off without him--and Umar is better off without the temptation to mine illegally.


  1. I can't tell when was the last time I saw a miner doing two rational things in one article. He left highsec, and he compared Professor Lawton to Professor Hawking.

    And some say miners are beyond redemption..

    1. Miners are past redemption. That miner ran away, and not to find a home in nullsec in which to train and make friends and become a better EVE player, he ran away and then just quit. Like a quitter.

      That miner was wasting his time "playing" a game he didn't understand, but luckily the Professor came along and helped him realize how EVE was intended to be played.

      Keep up the good work Agents!


  2. Wow. Just wow. Antiganking is failing incredibly hard right now

  3. Judging by Umar Williams's killboard he joined Horde while docked in Jita and then got killed by Marmite 2 jumps along the route to Geminate and gave up. And nothing of value was lost.

    1. "get a permit or get out of highsec"

      Now that's how you treat carebears. It's for his own good too! If that carebear had been the correct type of player he would not have given up so easily, or been a miner.

      EVE is not for everyone, in fact I would say EVE is not for most people. And it especially wasn't designed for carebear shitters.

  4. When a carebear types /s he's not being sarcastic. It means /shitter.

  5. I always regarded CODE as shit tier griefers, preying on newbros/carebears, while role playing as cultists. I visited this site and took the time to rethink my position. Suffice to say I was wrong. Please continue your efforts to bring balance to our economy, which has been inflated and unbalanced by the vile "bot". I wish you all best of luck in your righteous campaign. o7

    1. You need a permit, miner.

    2. It's very common for pilots to re-evaluate their uninformed judgements once they've lived outside of highsec for a while. Glad to hear you've finally come to terms with the way EVE works. Praise James!

  6. Jesus loves you

  7. Another proof that code is a cancerous terrorist organization and all of its members should be publicly executed in real life.

    1. Lol why you so mad, salty PHag?

      You should biomass...

    2. Shitteranon445 is a typical retard, and I hear he piddles his kids. He will probably go full shardani soon. But it's fine, he's so far beneath human it would only make things better if he did.

      One can only hope.

  8. Meh seems made up

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