Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Forever Young, Part 1

As the Father of the New Order and Saviour of Highsec, I am charged with an extraordinary responsibility for the welfare of those who live in highsec--and I take it really seriously. So do the carebears, even if they curse my name in private.

I received an urgent message from Viral Anguis, who accused four Agents of violating EVE's Terms of Service. The EVEmail shocked me, since I've known those four to be good and decent people. But if there was any truth to the accusation, bans could be incoming. Since I had nothing better to do at the time, I had no choice but to investigate the matter.

Less than an hour earlier, Viral Anguis lost a Mackinaw to the four Agents named in the EVEmail. Importantly, the kill took place in the Akiainavas system--which brings us to the CCP article on "Rookie Griefing" linked by Viral.

Though it has 0.7 security status, Akiainavas is listed as a "Career Agent" system. Here's what CCP's article says about Akiainavas and other systems like it:
"A number of systems in which new players typically start are deemed 'Rookie System' [sic] and in these systems (listed below) a measure of protection is offered to new players...

"Attempting to abuse a new players [
sic] lack of knowledge of the game and its mechanic [sic] for your personal gain or simply for their harm is prohibited in these solar systems. This includes, but is not limited to; [sic] tricking new players into situations where you or others may open fire on them freely or scamming ISK or assets from them. Players are advised to reconsider any aggressive action against new players in the following systems..." (emphasis added)
Although there are quite a few systems listed on that page--too many, really--the good news is that the special rules only apply to new players.

This raised a question of the utmost importance: Was Viral Anguis a new player?


Three thousand days is a long time to be a new player. Nice hat, by the way.

As they say, there are two sides to every story. One of the sides is false, and is usually sent to me by carebears through EVEmail. The other side is the true one. That side I get from our Agents. They keep logs.

Viral was immediately hostile upon meeting our Agents and experiencing their elite PvP.

...And it wasn't long before he started space lawyering.

Though Viral had lost his Mackinaw, he was confident that he'd win the meta game. All it would take was one good petition.

The miner was agitated and, frankly, paranoid. He may have had some sort of addiction to illicit ore, which would explain why he was still mining in highsec after eight years.

Viral's "newbie" disguise didn't hold up for very long. Apparently he assumed our Agents wouldn't check his profile.

Despite being unmasked as a veteran, Viral was committed to his course. It was too late to turn back now.

Viral was extraordinarily stubborn. It didn't matter that he'd been in EVE for eight years. He had insisted that he would get our Agents banned for scamming a rookie. All he could do was double down on that claim. This meant that there was a very real possibility that he would need to repeatedly humiliate himself in a lengthy conversation with our Agents.

The miner linked the very article that exonerated our Agents by specifying "new players" over and over. He urged them to read it. Unfortunately for the miner, they did.

Having lost his ship in battle, Viral was anxious to win the war of words. Could he persuade our Agents that trying to sell him a mining permit was a violation of the rules that protect "new players"?

To be continued...


  1. "I'm calm trash".

    No, you are raging trash!

  2. And only part one! Did the proceedings escalate? So exciting!

    \o/ Praise James 315!

  3. Wow just wow. thomas rn chasteaux stealing ag donations - astecus run out of uedama by code -

  4. Lol at that salty shitter, he should know his kind don't belong in EVE. Now is the time to help him realize that the law abiding citizens of highsec don't like people tht act like him.

    He's not only cowardly, he's criminal, I mean he's trying to space lawyer his point about breaking the TOS, all while spewing TOS violating vulgarity. There's no place for somone like that in our modern civilized Highsec. GTFO shitters.

    Repeated ganking of that character should help him realize that he will never enjoy EVE, not the real EVE, this game was not designed for his kind, the cowardly carebear has no place in the Code.

    Killing miners in highsec is not "bad", it is in fact good for the game and the community, it helps keep the original vision of EVE as a "sandbox PVP mmo RPG". Hell that's the description of what ganker do: they sandbox (create their own content), they PVP, they mmo (Ganking with friends, always!), and their RP is the bestest!

    Fucking carebears will never get it, so why should we feel bad about helping them realize it? It's a win/win when a carebear realizes he's in the wrong game, and gets the fuk out. For him and the game and the community.

    Would you let someone like viral in your home? Well, we don't want him in ours either. So it's better if we catch his kind early.



    1. Calm down miner.

    2. Why do you need to calm down? Dawwwww, did you get triggered? Lol eve may not be for you.

  5. *gets popcorn* What's very amusing here is that ol' Viral is probably going to get a ban (one hope its perma) for making frivolous reports...and foul language.....and being in said rookie system. Because unless he has a VERY good reason to be there, a 8-year old toon has absolutely ZERO business being in said rookie system. And mining doesn't count.

  6. Hmmm that miner sounds a lot like some kind of socratic/slipknotthePHag alt. He's hiding in a "noob" system, he's willfully ignorant of the actual rules, he squeals sound like grath telkin on the night his prison husband consumated their "wedding".

    How do so many degenerate subhuman shitheels find their way to EVE? Someone out there is posting EVE links in their favorite MMO in the hopes that their shitters will leave whatever themepark zombie game they are shitting up and shit up EVE for a bit.

    It's time to move those turds along, shoot the bastards until they quit logging in, then send them links to some other game. We've been doing it for a minute and already there is a marked drop in shitter activity in our favorite culling pens.

    Hey, it works, and it's war, so it's all fair. Instant karmic immunity when you help a highsec coward find a game more suites to shitters like him.

  7. One of the benefits of having the english help channel open in game is to stop the dreaded socket closed error, the other is to play Karma's random wheel of bounty. The not so beneficial side effect is reading the Autistic interpretations of eve game mechanics and CCP intent on issues at hand from what can only be described as half sucked twisties who are still in the recruitment loop for ag corp applications.

    Ohh and selling mining permits.

    Wind your necks in GM aspirant failures. The advice you give to new players in that channel is getting them killed.

    Stop killing people and children ag.

    So toxic.

    1. PVPers play EVE, carebear shitters spend all their time whining about it.

      Why do they even log in?

  8. Viral Anguis, what a moron. He can't even read. Air-stealers like him shouldn't be allowed to pollute rookie systems and steal all the ore within, making it harder for compliant miners to make an honest buck in James's space.

  9. Meh seems made up


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