Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Pen Pals


If you enjoy receiving complaints, excuses, and tears of remarkable diversity (but usually written in broken English), then becoming an Agent of the New Order might be a good career choice for you.


Akame Nightshade only recently joined the mighty CODE. alliance. Though new to EVE, she is already imposing her will upon the miners of highsec. That's the power of the Code.


Reading a tearmail can be tricky. Miners have enough trouble formulating ideas, much less expressing them.


Per standard Agent protocol, if an Agent isn't satisfied with the quality of a miner's message, he or she can request that the miner try again. And if the miner fails to do so, that's another violation of the Code.


...However, our Agents generally become fluent in miner-speak within a short time.


The most passive-aggressive miners are afraid to send EVEmails; they may attempt to communicate using other means.


Since miners prefer solitude and silence, most aren't used to communicating with other players. A miner can spend years in EVE without speaking to anyone but our Agents.


One of the most important things for a miner to learn is that they can purchase a mining permit at an insanely affordable price.


...They may not appreciate it at first, but our Order has sold thousands of permits. They all "get" it eventually.


Carebears are a hostile bunch. Angry words are their only weapon, though. After threatening our Agents, they'll complain about being helpless newbies who aren't able to shoot back.


Miners are a tangled mess of contradictions and dysfunctions. Few are capable of recognizing they need help.


...Yet the excitement of experiencing PvP in a PvP game is enough to jostle some of them out of their usual routines. For them, enlightenment begins with an explosion.

19 comments:

  1. Just hit over 2 billion ISK for the month of June, mining in various high security systems. Most of it was done while also watching episodes of Westworld or MLB games.

    Not a CHODE. agent to be found. They truly are irrelevant to the vast majority of high security denizens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is "CHODE."? It seems you may be having trouble finding this while making up ISK numbers because you also made up "CHODE.".

      Delete
    2. In your case I suggest not only buying a mining permit but also investing in New Order Shares.

      Delete
    3. Lol, he lies. That chodeanonshitter buys PLEX and hides in station.

      All that effort to hide from pvp in a pvp game, what a shitter.

      Delete
    4. He may be referring to the new CEO of PWCMG. https://zkillboard.com/corporation/98513325/

      Delete
    5. chodeanon dropped out of school before he learned not to act like a silly miner. His lies are all he has to keep him warm in the darkness of space. He has no friends in this MMO, and his rp is severely lacking for an RPG. Sure signs of a shitter who don't belong in EVE.

      Hey chodeanon, nullsec players make 2 bill in a day or two because they are NOT chicken shitter cowards hiding in highsec while trying to play EVE incorrectly. And here you are bragging about being ignorant, like a ghetto queen brags about living off welfare, having too many kids, and not having an education.

      You are pure fail, chodieanon. You should biomass.

      Delete
    6. Calm down Ganker Anon@11:29 and CHODE. slave. Calm down.

      Delete
  2. "atleast i got to see what it is like to go boom roflfol"
    That's the spirit!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It amazes me that after 15ish years of horror stories about how unforgiving EVE is, carebear shitters still log in and do stupid stuff like mining in highsec.

    EVE is not for their kind but they flock to it like bugs to a bright light. That's some low I.Q. retards right there. If they had more than two brain cells to rub together they would simply stop logging in.


    The truly scary part is that they may be reproducing, IRL. Fucking up the gene pool because they think they have a right to breed. What about the retarded offspring they are making? That's not fair to the children, to be born a retard because your parents were retards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1/10 you are trying way too hard to be edgy. Take a breath go gank a freighter and stop with the cringe post.

      Delete
    2. Lol agshitter1227 got triggered. Looks like he should google 'edgy' before he posts like a retard next time. ;)

      You need a permit to mine in highsec, miner. Get yours before you get rekt. Oh, and an education wouldn't hurt you either, simpleton. Knowing what to cry about when you whine over anon posts would be a plus. Try harder.

      Always!

      Delete
  4. Thanks for sharing these tips, these tips are very helpful and useful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
  6. hi friends question,

    Haven't kept up with the blog as much in the last few years was wondering how many consecutive years in a row there has been a post every day. I think I found this back in 2013 so it's been going for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol nevermind. Blog posts are all listed. 2012. My b. Thanks.

      Delete
  7. This is such an amazing blog, meaningful content with some meaning unlike those useless blogs on the internet. Happy Independence Day 2018 India

    ReplyDelete

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