Friday, June 15, 2018

The Coolest Dude in EVE

Bumping serves countless practical purposes in EVE: Tackling freighters without triggering CONCORD, pushing miners out of mining range, and--perhaps most practical of all--enabling a ganker to get in touch with his roots.

Agent Vlad Putinkov picked up a Stabber Fleet Issue and meditated upon the Code while bumping an unlicensed miner named TalosTheKing. It worked.

Vlad eyed the miner carefully. To be sure, TalosTheKing was reluctant to purchase a permit. On the other hand, he did not turn into a volcano of rage upon hearing the name of the Saviour of Highsec. Further investigation was warranted.

TalosTheKing was weak-willed, even for a miner. A few bumps were enough to make him want to quit EVE forever.

Unused to emergent, player-generated content, highsec miners can become fixated on petty notions of "legitimacy". Luckily, the Code is indeed an actual thing.

Agent Vlad provided his credentials, which were of unspeakably high quality. But the miner was still uncertain.

TalosTheKing tried to remain calm. However, when the greedy miner thought about having to part with even a small amount of isk, he let slip a flash of anger.

TalosTheKing knew that if he remained in highsec, he would have no way to resist the awesome power of the mighty CODE. alliance. That much was clear. He tried to convince himself that he wasn't really a highsec miner--that he was something better.

The lonesome miner dreamed of being part of a powerful organization. That way, no one could tell him what to do ever again. That's how nullsec works, right?

What is it with highsec miners and RAZOR these days?

TalosTheKing had a sudden change of heart when our Agent raised the possibility of Code-noncompliance going on his permanent record. That would make it much more difficult for him to join a nullsec alliance.

After a quick Google search, the miner discovered that the Code is serious business. He quickly paid for his permit. Now the "new returning player" had a fighting chance.

It's true, I am a pretty cool dude. Some would say the coolest.


  1. Great sale! Brilliant that you remembered that Bot-Aspirancy Goes on Your Permanent Record.

  2. I do love a happy ending and Code compliant miners.

    Praise James \o/

    1. I wonder how happy that ending will turn out to be. He's out of Razor now. Wanna' bet if he returns to illegal highsec mining?

  3. Wow just wow. Antiganking failing daily

  4. If his first instinct is to quit when presented with emergent content then we should help that miner...quit. He would not have been missed.

    EVE is not for everyone.

  5. James is the coolest dude in Eve, but Vlad seems to be pretty cool too!

    1. We all knew it was just a display of His famous modesty.

  6. Meh seems made up

  7. This article helped me a lot, I really like reading such blogs.


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