Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Dear Agent Guybertini

Agent Guybertini is a Knight of the Order. Where other elite PvP'ers might care only for killboard statistics, Guybertini takes greater pride in the virtues of honour, valour, and chivalry.

But the bot-aspirants of highsec do not. If you can't tie a specific isk value to honour and chivalry, they must have no value at all, they think.

Here's the thing, though: Guybertini strongly believes these bot-aspirants can be saved. And in reforming the carebears, in rebuilding their character from the ground up and teaching them how to play EVE properly, highsec can be saved.

I've written before that the New Order will win because of its infinite endurance. Guybertini gets it.

If you look at the history of nullsec, you see a lot of villainy and betrayal. People sell out their own allies and leave them to die. You know what's impressive about the Agents of the New Order? They show compassion to their own enemies. We treat our foes better than most people treat their friends.

The fact that our kindness so often goes under-appreciated makes it all the more impressive.

But if we weren't so amazing and inspiring, we'd never have been able to change highsec as much as we have.

On a routine patrol of the Jaschercis system, Guybertini discovered Tainted Dragon mining in one of the most bizarre and unnatural Retriever fits I've ever seen. Guybertini gave Tainted Dragon a Christmas present by assisting him in the disposal of the Retriever. Like all good Christmas presents, it was a surprise.

Guybertini sent Tainted Dragon an EVEmail with some helpful tips on fitting a better Retriever. In particular, he pointed out the empty "mining permit" slot. TD rejected his advice, but didn't say specifically how he disagreed with it. That's a thing people do when they've lost the argument.

TD was now broke, or so he claimed. Guybertini was unimpressed. What about all of the blood money TD had made while illegally mining? Guybertini rightly called TD out on his "'woe is me, I am penniless' pauper schtick".

TD claimed the New Order had turned day-to-day living into "bankruptcy and despair". Then he announced the imminent destruction of the New Order at the hands of an army of "10s of thousands of miners". Since this EVEmail was sent over a month ago, I think it's safe to assume that the miners of highsec will, in fact, lay down to our "capitalist piggly bullshit". That's a relief!

Tainted Dragon abruptly ended the budding pen pals' relationship by dismissing the Code and repeating his warning that the New Order's days are numbered. I agree with TD on one point: The New Order's days are numbered. The only question is, can anyone count to a number that high?


  1. The first Agent or group of Agents that is has ganked a new ship named: Nestor will get a impressive reward: 1 PLEX

    only in high sec / no wardec / kill right using is allowed

    1. I propose naming a shiny new Procurer "Nestor" and having several agents gank it in a 0.5 system...

  2. jeez in our age of fast cars, answering machines, and one night stands people sure are getting angrier.

  3. Dear Anonymous 8:55,

    What part of "New Order of High Sec" are you having trouble comprehending?

    - Guybertini

  4. Dear Agents, Knights and Supporters of the New Order of Highsec. I always manage to draw at least one lesson from each of our Leader's Blog-Posts, sometimes several lessons.

    I noted here the importance of Persistence, Helpfulness and Avoidance of Profanity by Agent Guybertini. Tainted Dragon frequently wanders off-topic into drivel and obscenity, but just look how our Hero always brings the real subject of the conversation sharply back into focus.

    In the pre-Gank phase, illegal miners and other criminals may be informed about their activities by our exhortations in Local, or Convos, our helpful linking to the New Halaima Code of Conduct, and, of course, a bit of bumping.

    The Gank itself is almost a last resort, and not undertaken lightly. Tainted Dragon brought this upon himself.

    Post-Gank, the offender is warmly invited to discuss outstanding issues, including fitting options and, naturally, that missing Permit.

    Thanks James 315. I look forward to the day when I am able to emulate Agent Guybertini's fine example.


  5. If anyone sees this Studmuffin Cartman guy in space, inform him that its P.p.s., not P.s.s.
    post post script not post script script. personally it just seems like a severe case of P.M.S. hes having trouble with.
    "Since this EVEmail was sent over a month ago, I think it's safe to assume that the miners of highsec will, in fact, lay down to our "capitalist piggly bullshit". That's a relief!"
    - so much win

  6. Dear NEW ORDER,

    i strictly recommend an immediatly extremly high demand for NEW AGENTS in the agent abandonened system called KINO.

    The agent Bing is offline or maybe afk the whole day.


    please send out 3-5 addtional agents

    thanks in advance for your help to kick out the bots.

    Proffessor McGank

  7. Kino isn't abandoned. I just have a day job. Two bot aspirants down tonight already.


  8. You are correct Professor McGank, you would need at least 3-5 agents to replace Bing if the day ever arrived, he is just that dedicated. :-D

  9. They couldnt handle shooting people who shoot back. Which why they will remain the New Order High Sec.

  10. nice one, what are you 12?

  11. Let me make some sugestions to the new Order

    stop acting like 12 year olds from the hitler yuthe

    let us minors haf fun and be afk for our 10 millions

    these ways you will get more folowers and more poeple pay u

    we just hear to haf fun. stop being such fuckheaddipshitduches

    we haf more imptrant things to due then watch lasors while we chop rock

    wihtout us u wouldnt haf chips.

    1. pardon me sir, but I have a monopoly on calling people 12 year olds. Please pick a different age.

  12. Need a new deployable for Eve....MOBILE TEAR object that scans local chat for the whining and crying of care bears, pools them up for distribution, and pays them out to anyone not in a mining barge.

  13. I find it hilarious the 'invitation' to low sec by people who themselves have likely never dared cross out of Empire space. Just like the 'I have a fleet from null sec on the way' lie....if you were capable of that, you wouldn't be solo mining in high sec like a week old newb.
    You are cattle. Milked until such time someone gets a bit peckish, then slaughtered and served up with a side of mockery. This is a role playing game, and you chose the role of livestock.

  14. First of all, many mined tears in the comments...Thank you James for publishing content that elicits additional saltwater entertainment.

    Secondly, James addressed this post as a note to Guybertini and I think by extention to the other Knights of the New Order. I think he inteded this post as a "shout out" but I am not sure he drive home the bump (point), so to speak...

    All over highsec, the knights, as illustrated by Guybertini here, carry out code enforcement without any expectation of acknowledgement, glory, or reward.

    Although James gave a shout out to an exalted knight of theNew Order, code enforcers are not motivated by publicity, tear-collecting, ISK-gathering, or fame-hording...they sacrifice for the code...James bless them!

  15. Why? Every low-seccer I know kills miners on site if they catch them in low.

    Are you claiming there is some low-sec paradise where miners run free and naked? Where they AFK mine all day under the kindly protection of a benevolent low-sec corp?

    Please elucidate further.

    ---- Mike Adoulin

  16. people can play this game as they want to play it, your just jealous that you cat get the same amount that we can so you turn people that has no value lol

  17. I get that you guys don't like bots and the idiots that AFK mine, but what's with all of this sarcastic worshippy roleplay stuff? It's creepy, like watching a bunch of fursuiters going around and giving random people "special" hugs in the name of their fur-god, to make them happier.

    Trying to clean up highsec is awesome, but do you have to make a religion out of it? It makes it feel weird to share any of your views.

    1. Do you see the extra tears the RP element generates? So times the RP aspect causes more rage than actually getting blown up or bumped.

    2. Dear Anonymous 5:08

      What roleplay?

      - Guybertini


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