Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Search for an Honest Carebear

Earlier this week, I wrote about CCP's request to have a Code provision removed. I casually mentioned that the New Order is the subject of a very large volume of petitions. Some may doubt it--if they've never encountered highsec carebears before. If you'd like some idea of what the GMs have to deal with on a daily basis, here you go:

Kirche Todes, who filed a petition because he thinks shooting a Retriever in highsec constitutes bannable harassment, is typical. Kirche is dead wrong, but he's not alone. I've personally spoken to hundreds of miners who feel the same way. My Agents report similar experiences.

I try to reason with the carebears whenever I can, or feel like it. I followed up with Felicity Myrom, who cried that she wouldn't cry about losing (another) Mackinaw.

Everyone wants to be a winner, but there are a lot of different ways to win. One of the things I'm most proud of is the fact that New Order Agents always play fair. Victory after playing a good, clean game is incredibly satisfying. To that end, whenever a carebear dies, I inform them why they died and how they can avoid dying in the future. In this way I leave the carebears better than I found 'em. To expedite the process, I use a form EVEmail like this:

According to the CODE. alliance killboard, your ship(s) and/or pod(s) were recently destroyed by our gankers. You may take comfort in the fact that you were not the target of a random act of violence. In fact, you were carefully selected for destruction because you were caught "botting", engaging in automated play such as AFK mining or autopiloting, or some other act of bot-aspirancy.

Please be aware that your actions or inactions were a violation of the New Halaima Code of Conduct, the set of rules by which the New Order governs highsec. Everyone in highsec must obey or risk destruction of their ships and pods.

You may download your very own copy of the Code at the New Order's official website:

In order to ensure that we do not continually gank you, obey the Code and purchase a 365-day New Order permit by sending this character 10 million isk. This is not extortion or a scam of any kind; it's a user fee for the services that we provide to you and the rest of the highsec community. Put "permit purchase" in the reason slot when you transfer your isk. Also, to ensure that other Agents know that you have purchased a permit, it's advisable to put a pledge of loyalty to me in your bio, such as:

"I pledge my loyalty to James 315 and the New Order of Highsec at, and I wholeheartedly support the Code."

I look forward to receiving your 10 million isk payment and welcoming you into the New Order family. Have an incredible day!

James 315
Father of the New Order
Saviour of Highsec
Long? Sure, but first impressions are important. When a carebear is killed, they're often upset and confused. They're eager to learn more about EVE. That's where the New Order and its form EVEmails come in. Knowledge is power. No one in highsec has more power than the New Order, so we're not afraid to spread our knowledge far and wide.

...But the carebears still petition us for doing things like "having a -10 security pilot who pods people". And "having an alt who moves supplies". More work for the GMs.

Then there are those who say ominous things like "your day of reckoning looms". You know, that would be a lot more intimidating if it didn't come from someone named "Kelly Builderson".

These days, it's becoming increasingly popular for miners to use the "I wasn't AFK, I was just..." square of the Miner Bingo board. I was just checking the market for drones, says Kiostus Nintai. But we know we can't trust Kiostus, because he's one of those "I was going to do _________, but now I won't" people. Kiostus, when the Code was published for all the world to read on, that's when you were asked to buy a permit.

"I wasn't AFK, I was just engaged in battle on my other account." Yes, and when a New Order Agent started shooting your mining ship, you became engaged in battle on this account, too.

"I wasn't AFK, I was just getting up to get a cup of coffee." ...At the Starbucks three blocks away, no doubt.

"I wasn't AFK, I was just programming in the other window." I can guess what he was programming, too.

"I wasn't AFK, I was just looking for my sister 19 jumps away." Join the New Order family and you won't need to travel so far to find a brother or a sister.

And then, at long last, I found him. An honest carebear:

TheNight PT, a highsec miner from Portugal, put aside all of the typical carebear excuses and simply told the truth. That's good. The New Order is in favor of truth. However, it's also our job to change the truth. Admitting you are a bot-aspirant is the second step in the long road toward recovery. (The first step is encountering an Agent of the New Order.) I believe bot-aspirants like TheNight PT can be redeemed by learning and following the Code. And then, when next they tell the truth about themselves, they'll finally have something good to say.


  1. The only honest carebear is a dead one. Carebear corpses don't lie.

  2. i thought honest and carebear were mutually exclusive

  3. "Long? Sure, but first impressions are important."

    By your standards? That is pretty short.

    Sorry but I couldn't resist.

    1. Don't encourage him or the next round of termination notice EVEmails will end with "(Proceed to part 2.)"

      Seriously though, I love his writing and can't get enough of it, despite his voluminousness.

    2. I guess they dont make GM's like they used to.
      I see petitions so idiotic they make logic want to commit suicide......and then The Code has to be amended SO THE CAREBEAR'S FEELINGS DONT GET HURT ANYMORE! Puh-Leez.
      Especially that Kelly Builderson...omg did someone forget to take their Ridalin or what.
      The last line in my gank alts bio says: Throughout history there are examples of "criminals" doing what is right, to make the world a better place. The New Order is such an example.
      Thats just how it is. Dont argue, dont whine, dont petition. buy your permit, tank your ship, watch local, stay on the screen youre playing on, or dock up. otherwise you stand a good chance of coming back to a wreck.

  4. I love it when just blown up non compliant carebears say they would have purchased a permit if they had been asked first. Then when subsequently asked if they'd now like to buy a permit, to prevent further atomizing of their ships, they tell you to go do anatomacally impossible things. Hilarious!!


  5. >get ganked by someone at maximum negative security status
    >report for evading security loss


  6. So I will get this out of the way right up front, high-sec care-bear right here and I mine ice and ore at my leisure with no interference from the New Order. Oh and I do not own a miners permit and never will and before any of you say come off anonymous so we can “talk” no way in hell. The reason is because the New Order does not even come close to influencing the amount of territory they want everyone to believe they do. That does not mean they have no influence at all. Anyone who mines or transports goods would be foolish to think that. The trick is to figure out where they concentrate their patrols and stay away from those areas and I am not talking 1 or 2 jumps, I am talking about being many jumps away from them. Honestly it is not that hard to figure out, the New Order is not big enough to control all of high-sec or even a quarter of it if you think about it.

    However, I have to give James and the New Order props for being very creative and for reasons I cannot explain I come back to this site 4 or 5 times a week, sometimes every day. And no it is not because I subconsciously want to follow the code so get over it, the code is drivel and nothing but a shield that this group hides behind so they can gank and grief as they please, nothing more nothing less.

    Oh proof you say….proof that this is just a group of griefers hiding behind a loophole that some moron CCP GM said ok too. Well that is easy, look no further than their kill board. The one you want is New Order Death Dealers as they seem to be the primary Corp in the Code alliance. When I first saw the overall numbers I was stunned, they are very impressive for a group that just started last March. 8238 kills, 1.1 trillion Isk in damages, efficiency of 96.6%, I thought I was looking at a veteran high-sec mercenary kill board at first.

    Then I got over my awe and dug deeper into this kill board. First number that sticks out is 3193 loses, that is only a 2.6:1 ratio. So out of the 3193 ships lost, the gank ship of choice (the destroyer), makes up 74% (2362) of those lost ships. All other ships lost makes up just 26% (831) of their total.

    So on to kills, I was going to break it down by each class of ship, but after doing the math for Assault Frigates (0.4%) I realized I was going about this all wrong. So created my own categories: Industrial (anything that mines/hauls/you would not stick a gun on it), Shuttles, Pods (prey of choice btw), Shit That Shoots Back or STSB (anything you would reasonably stick a gun on), and Everything Else (structures/unknowns/etc). We will start with the lowest and work our way to the highest:

    Everything Else – 37 kills for 0.4%
    STSB – 753 kills for 9.1%
    Shuttles – 979 kills for 11.9%
    Industrial – 3086 kills for 37.5%
    Pods – 3383 kills for 41.1% - Prey of choice right there.
    Now of the 753 kills in the STSB category, half can easily be eliminated due to the individual not understanding kill rights and concord (as read right here in the daily blog). Which makes the 9.1% number even more pathetic than what it already is.

    So there you have it, 90.5% of what the New Order kills in high-sec does not, or in the case of pods and shuttles, cannot shoot back. What a pathetic group, each and every one of you, griefers hiding behind their shinny Code shield, that is all you are, nothing more and nothing less.

    1. i want to make salt from these delicious tear for which to season my food with

    2. I think you need to reread it - no tears there - just facts :)

    3. Nah, it's tears. If you really thought the NODD were easy targets, you'd be out there shooting them right now.

    4. Haha wow and I gave you guy’s props for being creative and all, guess there is one or two in every group, even this one.

      Here I will tell you my story since I did not include it and you are making assumptions. See you assume I have been popped by you guys before and thus venting and crying tears, so cute of you, honestly cute.

      You see there I was out in an ice belt watching my screen, because I am a paranoid sort and I do not like to be ganked.

      Oh yes I have been ganked before, long time ago now, way before the New Order’s arrival in high-sec. Back when the Goons were doing it all the time and before the ship rebalance, when the mining ships had even less shield & armor.

      Just two days before I was told in local about the New Order and to watch myself. Being the paranoid sort I went to the minerbumping site as I wanted to see what it was all about.

      So back to my story, out in the ice belt watching local and chatting with a few I had fleeted with to get some boosts. When right in my face the New Order had arrived, no warning, no hey you have 24 hours to buy a permit or pop, they just opened fire. Well like I said I am the paranoid sort and I tank my ships, I will give up shorter cycle time and ore yield for a better tank. You know what the best part was? The famed D400 was in this group, so I thought I was toast for sure and we all know how much D400 likes his Pod kills. Well I did not go pop, it close very close, much closer than I care to admit. But wow it sure was fun watching D400’s ship go pop to concord while I lived. No kill mail for him and no Pod, now that was cool. Since that time I have moved shop and I have not seen one of you since.

      So um yeah no tears here, but very cute of you to think so :)

    5. So I returned and was slightly disappointed you had not bothered with another response, but your interpretation skills do need some work so thought I would help out.

      So just want to point out that I never said anyone on NODD was an easy target. I said their choice in targets is pathetic and they hide behind the Code to justify this. I hope that is now clear enough for you, after all the numbers do not lie and you can go see for yourself anytime you want.

      Also I guess I do not understand this tear collection as there are no tears to collect. New Order Agents must be so used to finding tears that they begin to imagine them at all times……..unless……Oh My God!! ….. you are the one who shed the tears and projected them on to me and I almost missed them!!

      You are so upset at my slight of NODD that you shed them in defense…trying to somehow justify or prove that the numbers were wrong. Oh my and I almost missed this, clearly tear collection is an art that is learned. However, you cannot abuse it or you begin to see tears where they do not exist… insightful.

      Well thank you Agent of the New Order for your precious gift of tears I will save these for a very special meal.



    6. For someone who doesn't understand what tears are, you are excellent at providing them. Link to a killmail for that alleged failed gank, screenshots, any proof whatsoever?

    7. These are technically tears, yes, but they suck. However, you are whoring yourself out for attention now. Which means you need the attention from those associated with NO. Interesting.

      As someone who has ganked for years and was a first gen ganker apart of NO I will tell you that ganking comes down to math, first. If you can't do math, you can't gank and move on to the other steps. Mistakes will eventually be made, but most of the time the gank is a success.

      I don't actually believe that you have been playing for years. Your logic on the kills is wrong and you don't even know when Goons got involved in the ganking of miners. That, or you don't *really* do *that much* research and suffer from the Dunning-Kruger effect.

      If you check back in and see this, before you rage post do some research on the ganking of miners "years ago." I don't expect to change your mind on your logic/belief of the NO kills, but let's figure out what happened with the Goons, ganking and miners and then compare that to the NO timeline.

  7. its a fantastic wall of text to be sure, ive produced a few in my time.
    as much as you want to deny that your smugness isnt some form of childish spitting in a cops food when you work at mcD's, and it doesnt = tears, it does.
    you want to insult, and rant, and scold, and disprove and point out how even though we are humans playing a computer game, we should be infallible. well we arent. sometimes we're drunk, sometimes overconfident, sometimes we just hit the wrong button.
    if we didnt mess up every once in a while we wouldnt get your wonderful stories of percieved personal victory.
    bottom line, you tank your ship, you watch local like its pr0n, you know us by name, you visit the site, and the only thing that keeps you from being 100% code-compliant is your own bullheadedness.
    so keep acting like youre the rosa parks of eve, youre exactly where we want you.

  8. making this website makes u gay


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