Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Ballad of Liberty

Do you recall a rebel leader by the name of liberty?


Yes, that would be the one. "Rebel leader" might be a bit of an overstatement, but liberty is nominally in charge of the U.S.A.T.O alliance. The one who really calls the shots in U.S.A.T.O is Agent Bing Bangboom, who took them apart brick by brick, as recounted in his "Dogs of War" thread on the MinerBumping forum.

In a previous post, I described my efforts to end the war. I offered to act as mediator and facilitate liberty's surrender. liberty responded with a series of incoherent rants. So the war continued. Now, having been kicked out of her wormhole and losing the active members of her alliance, I figured liberty would be receptive to a new offer.


This was an invitation for more incoherent ranting by liberty. But liberty is no Johnny-come-lately to EVE. No, sir.


In fact, liberty is one of EVE's oldest players. Her EVE career began in the summer of 2003, shortly after EVE Online went live. A decade later, she's still trying to run a highsec carebear corp. Thanks to liberty's stubborn refusal to obey the Code, and thanks to her arch-nemesis Bing Bangboom, she's failing.

But liberty learns from her mistakes.


liberty did not wish to be humiliated in another MinerBumping post. Last time, we poked fun at her strange EVEmails and the, well, liberties that she took with the English language. This time, she set aside a few days to carefully prepare her reply. Then she got ready to send out her response far and wide. You see all those people she CC'ed on the EVEmail? She put them there. This was not a "reply all" situation. Rather, she gathered together a list of the most important people in her EVE life. Several of them are the gankers she hates most. Some of them are fellow anti-Order rebels. Only a few are members of her alliance. Regardless, liberty ensured that she would have an audience for her magnificent anti-Order essay, the best thing she'd ever written in her life.


Yikes.

liberty still doesn't know how to use paragraphs, so we're going to have to take this one chunk at a time. liberty opens with metaphors about books and flogs and two-sided coins and three-edged blades. I can only assume this means she doesn't want to surrender to Bing Bangboom yet. liberty also continues to believe that the New Order will somehow be defeated at some future date. I'll let you know if that happens.


Though U.S.A.T.O's numbers collapsed during the war, and although the remaining members have gone inactive, liberty is confident that others will eventually flock to her side. She also accuses the New Order of trying to "intermordate" people. Nonsense. Some may find the New Order intermordating, but we've never pursued a policy of intermordation for intermordation's sake. Anyone who knows me could have told her that.


If you've digested liberty's previous metaphors and yearn for more, don't worry. She doesn't hold back: There's an ocean of voices, and one of the droplets in the ocean is also an arrow shooting through the stars, directing a spirit that unites, ventures, and collides until it becomes a dawn which is also a flag...

Did I mention liberty copied everyone she knows on this EVEmail?


The war continues, it would seem. And as we go about our business of increasing Code-compliance, we must never forget that we also work to improve literacy in highsec.

14 comments:

  1. figures you would only let us see parts and pieces of what was said not the whole unedited version.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieJanuary 13, 2014 at 5:43 PM

      I don't know if I could read the unedited version. The one sentence I read was painful enough.

      Delete
  2. Bless James for cleaning the shit and giving us only the important parts that matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is nothing that matters.
      Message is still "f..ck of"

      Delete
  3. If there were more, I would have shown it. I wouldn't deprive my readers of liberty's literary talents. (You can see in the screenshots that I didn't edit anything out; each screenshot starts from the line in the EVEmail where the previous one ended.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. im happy that she didnt write more.
      i never read a more pointless evemail in my life.
      i think she tried to sound intelligent, so if you post it on mb.com then she wouldnt make a complete fool out of herself.

      but in the end instead of making a point she argumented around it and used unneccecary methaphors

      at least she tried...

      agent selina

      Delete
  4. Progress has been made though! She finally spelled 'operations' properly!

    It is but a pebble on the beach of the ocean of voices but it is an arrow's progress nonetheless! And soon, that pebble will rattle more chains and maybe more progress can be made as a new dawn arrises for liberty, and she is intermordated by the Code NO MORE, but embraces it as the inescapable truth it is; a 3 edged blade slicing through the complacency and incompetence of the carebear plague that has consumed so many. For it is not one, but both sides of these coins that show the New Order as the proper path for all to obide by.

    -EasyKill (excuse me while I have a cerebral aneurysm)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At yet, still made more sense than liberty.

      Delete
  5. 3 edged blade eh? sounds klingon. Liberty must have bought that char, no way a 2003 is this stupid,right?

    ReplyDelete
  6. The closest thing I could find in a dictionary for Intermordate is:

    Intermodal: adjective
    pertaining to or suitable for transportation involving more than one form of carrier, as truck and rail, or truck, ship, and rail.

    The only way that could possibly have any relevance to the New Order is if she's refering to transporting the Code via Talk, Bump, and Gank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you google 'intermordate' her intended meaning of intimidate comes up as a possible alternate. Yes, this means Google is smarter than Liberty, but how surprising is that, really? To really understand Liberty, you're going to have to dig a bit deeper.

      Delete
    2. Digging deep enough to understand liberty runs the risk of uncovering the Balrog.

      Delete
    3. Bahahahaha.

      -EasyKill

      Delete

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