Friday, July 25, 2014

Both Sides of the Keyboard

Killing hundreds of freighters isn't easy; Agent loyalanon just makes it look easy. For an Agent to lead huge ganking fleets effectively, he must occasionally spend some quiet time ganking miners solo. This enables him to keep in touch with the common carebear, renewing his strength and preparing him for future ganking fleets.

loyalanon spotted an illegal Covetor piloted by Colt Ironside, a member of the Veerhouven Group Alliance. From the Covetor's fitting and Colt's AFK demeanor, it was clear that Colt had no genuine interest in EVE. Since Colt wasn't playing EVE, loyalanon decided to remove him from the asteroid belt and make room for others.

It was then that another member of the Veehouven Group Alliance spoke up. He was Rennet Zierlein, a highsec miner like the rest of the alliance's members. He wasted no time in revealing what kind of carebear he truly was:

Yes, Rennet was one of those carebears, the kind who believes (1) it's sociopathic to shoot spaceships in a spaceship-shooting game, and (2) it's perfectly normal to encourage the real-life suicide of other players. As regular readers of MinerBumping know, Rennet's attitude is quite common in highsec among the anti-ganking crowd. To summarize their philosophy...

PvP in a 0.5 security system: Bullying
Real-life death wishes on EVE players: Totally fine

Kirito Takashi, a passerby who was drifting through the system, gave Rennet a lifeline. Rennet didn't see fit to take it. He wanted the gankers dead. In-game, out-of-game, whatever it took.

Note to CCP: No matter how many times you grant the carebears' wishes and nerf PvP in highsec, they will never be grateful. As long as there is anything less than 100% safety in highsec, they'll think you're sociopaths. Don't bother trying to please them.

Despite Rennet's distasteful behavior, I feel sympathy for him. He has been a highsec miner for five years. loyalanon, too, wanted only to help the misguided carebear. Rennet offered some puzzling ideas about people being sociopaths regardless of "which side of the keyboard you are on". Personally, I'm always on one side of the keyboard. How would I get on the other side of it? My desk and computer monitor are in the way. Besides, I would have to relearn how to type from the other side.

Rennet had no evidence to support his ideas, only more cryptic words for loyalanon to ponder.

Paranoia was setting in. Sociopaths lurked behind every corner. Rennet freely admitted that it didn't matter that Agents of the New Order play video games using valid game mechanics. That's just the cover for our real agenda, which is presumably not related to video games.

Cornered, Rennet returned to the two-sided keyboard theory. Seriously, how are you supposed to get on the other side of your keyboard? I suppose you could rotate the keyboard 180 degrees and type upside-down, but I don't see what the point is. It's probably best not to take a highsec miner's ideas about keyboards too seriously. They're not experts on the subject. After all, they stay away from keyboards as much as they can.
Two days
From: Learned Vagrant
Sent: 2014.07.23 04:56
To: loyalanon,

Meet me in 9F-7PZ in two days. Ying will be the one actually there. Rules:

Rookie ships fitted any way you want, but only one high slot full. I would suggest some kind of weapon.
No drones.
No friends.

The killboards will tell the story. :) Have a nice life, or not.
Shortly after loyalanon wrapped up his chat with Rennt, another member of Veerhouven Group Alliance sent him an EVEmail and challenged him to a rookie ship duel. loyalanon enquired as to whether members of the alliance were still mad at him for ganking the Covetor.
Re: Re: Two days
From: Learned Vagrant
Sent: 2014.07.23 05:02
To: loyalanon,

Fuckwads like you upset a lot more people that you know. So what's it going to be? Neither Ying, nor I have any friends up there. You could save me a lot of time and trouble if you would tell me now that you don't have the balls for it.
The member of Veerhouven confirmed that the alliance was still mad. This might not have been the best time for loyalanon to teach them about the Code, but we in the New Order have a philosophy of our own: Never miss an opportunity. If you wait for the perfect time, it might never arrive.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Two days
From: Learned Vagrant
Sent: 2014.07.23 05:15
To: loyalanon,

Answer the fucking question. Chances are that neither one of you will get out of there alive, but Ying is willing to go. Are you? Why kill you in Hi sec when it doesn't cost me sec status if I do it in Null?

Think about it. Think about something for once in your life.
The Veerhouven crew concluded their interaction with the New Order that day by encouraging loyalanon to "think about something for once in your life". Indeed, the Veerhouvens have given us all much to consider: Wardec, awox, ganking, bumping...?


  1. You know. I still think you fuckers are nothing but a bunch of pirates and James 315 a wanabe religious fanatic with delusions a deityhood, but these whinny fucking carebears that can't be bothered to tank their shit & fly AFK THEN BITCH about getting killed piss me off. I have indy toons in High-sec, they feed the isk to my nullsec alt... and I've been ganked, mostly do to my own stupidity. Lesson leared. Have'nt since, never lost a freighter again, and even though I can't be bothered to mine anymore cause it's boring, my exhumers have laughed off ganks, and I have collected spoils from the wreckage... why? Because I spent the bloody ISK and trained the correct skills. So... you bastards are still bloody pirates to me, and I sure as hell will never pay for a permit (snowball has a better chance surviving on the sun) but if I get killed by you I will give a GF, study what I did wrong, change it and move on, but I do believe you provide a service in dealing with theses...."players" to keep EVE healthy and interesting. Well done.

    1. "You know. I still think you fuckers are nothing but a bunch of pirates and James 315 a wanabe religious fanatic with delusions a deityhood"

      Hopefully one day you will "get it". No one actually believes this stuff, we are playing a video game....

      But in all seriousness: Praise James 315! Savior of highsec!

    2. Oh I get it. No worries on that score. I just love to hate him! All part of that gaming experience!

  2. more proof there's some seriously disturbed and stupid carebears out there.

  3. I am constantly amazed and highly amused by how seriously some ppl take themselves and their interwebbed pixelated spaceships.

    - Guybertini

  4. The fact that the title of this post doesn't say ", part one" gives me droopyface :(

  5. I tried my hardest to get to 'the other side of the keyboard' but I slipped and fell and hurt my back and am now stuck trapped down the side of my desk. I've wet myself as I can't get up. Someone please send help, the other side of the keyboard just involves pain. I don't recommend it.

    1. Someone, please, why are you ignoring me!!

  6. sounds like your typical "antiganker" to me, god i love these posts

  7. That is called a 'reverse safari'.

    Or else he really really pissed off his corpies.

    CODE operatives do this all the time.

    Mike Adoulin

  8. Kids these days...

  9. Do highsec duel mechanics not work anymore?

    Why do they have to go all the way to nullsec?

  10. "Why kill you in Hi sec when it doesn't cost me sec status if I do it in Null".

    Who needs a high-sec duel or to worry about losing sec status...? Loyalanon is -10.0 so fair game for all. Duh.

  11. The bit about care bears staying away from keyboards... Hilarious

  12. I think the other side of the keyboard refers to the one without any keys on. These are not required when AFK mining, and the miner can do something else on the flat surface thus exposed, while being "not AFK, I was just..."


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