Thursday, July 3, 2014

Attack of the Clone

Ladies and gentlemen of highsec, another anti-Order resistance movement has entered the ring.


JTClone Ares is the latest to proclaim himself as the new leader of the rebellion. On paper, at least, his résumé is impressive: He was the founder and CEO of a 14-member highsec mining corp called Damned Defeat which was awoxed by the New Order. After giving all of the corp shares to one of the awoxers, he lost control of the corp and was demoted to the position of "CODE. war bride". He then left Damned Defeat to become an independent contractor.


Now JTClone runs a 2-member corp called Arcane New Order. The corp's goal? The total destruction of the New Order. JTClone announced his intentions in a SoundCloud recording. Yes, for the first time, an anti-Order rebel has created his own SoundCloud file, rather than being recorded by one of our Agents.


JTClone's is an "Independence Day" style speech, complete with stirring background music. But that's just to get people excited. The real substance of JTClone's anti-Order ideology came in a lengthy interview he did with an unknown interviewer:


Although the interview questions are all softballs--possibly written by JTClone himself--some of them managed to give him a lot of trouble. During the interview, we finally get an answer to the question of why JTClone handed over control of his corp to the awoxers: In exchange, Agent/awoxer Jerry Rin promised to help JTClone get the 14-member highsec mining corp into Pandemic Legion. The interview is also useful because it allows us to see the New Order and the Code through the eyes of a rebel carebear.

True, Arcane New Order presently has only two members. In a few years, though, who knows? That number could easily triple, especially if JTClone buys an extra account or two. His courage and charisma have already attracted at least one new follower:


JTClone received words of advice and encouragement from a gentleman named Kalorned.


...better known as Agent Kalorned. He has been featured in many MinerBumping posts and is too darn proud of the Code to disguise the fact in his bio. His EVEmail pinpointed two other rebels that JTClone might find to be valuable additions to his organization:


The New Order's spies are unmatched in highsec. Would JTClone see through Kalorned's disguise--or lack thereof?


JTClone was pleased to have Kalorned's support. On July 2nd, JTClone planned to form a new alliance and a new coalition. He was too modest to call himself Saviour or King; he would merely be a fellow Capsuleer.


A master of propaganda, Kalorned realized that July 4th might be an even better day to make the declaration. It was an easy thing for JTClone to miss. However, it would postpone the beginning of the rebel alliance/coalition's campaign by two valuable days.


JTClone took Agent Kalorned's advice and pushed back his timetable. He already had his master plan mapped out: First, stop the New Order from killing any more miners or freighters. Second, declare war against the New Order, take the offensive, and destroy them all.


Kalorned, already becoming indispensible as the chief lieutenant of the new resistance movement, recommended tech II fitted Hyperions as the new rebel fleet doctrine.


JTClone was enthusiastic about the tech II Hyperions, but he also wanted everything else. Now they were all set for the Fourth of July. If all went according to plan, it would be the beginning of the end of the New Order. Could this be it? We will have to wait and see.

26 comments:

  1. So does JTClone Ares read minerbumping.com?

    ReplyDelete
  2. He doesn't read the bio of Kalorned, so it's safe to guess: no.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Breathtaking stupidity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But he said in the audio he want to "graduation" so...

      Delete
  4. What do we learn from this? - CCP can't patch stupid^^.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "He already had his master plan mapped out: First, stop the New Order from killing any more miners or freighters."

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. This will end well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love how the obtuse CODE agents slap themselves on the back when they get the lowest hanging fruit it Eve to fall for it again. Fantastic work guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't understand. It's not about looking for hardass challenging opponents. It's about having a good laugh or two.

      Consider this: without the code, there would be no JTClone. He would either get bored of the game himself, or end up as yet another anonymous grr goons dude.

      Instead, he gets to share his crazy love of space drama with all minerbumping readers.

      How awesome is that?

      Delete
    2. The CODE has already saved JT whoever and he doesn't even know it!

      Delete
  7. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieJuly 3, 2014 at 8:42 PM

    Oh. My. God.

    This is the train wreck you can't break your eyes away from.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why, just yesterday, JTClone was asking if there would be any more articles about him.

    I guess he got his answer.

    ReplyDelete
  9. hot and sexy content in highsexxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Its people like this that allow me to proclaim to the world that I am an awoxer, and yet I still get into my target corps.

    Adira Nictor

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  11. Truly an inspirational speech. The sheer oratory prowess! James 315 has made a severe tactical error in publicizing that soundcloud file. It will obviously draw thousands of players to the rebel cause.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This guy is the next liberty. Calling it now.

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  13. I'm wondering if this guy is even aware of how he has ironically copied the name of the New Order for his anti-New Order corporation.

    Then I recall that this is the guy who's going to force his corp members to fly around in a shuttle with a PLEX after 11 awox kills.

    So it may take him a while to notice...

    ReplyDelete
  14. "We will not go quietly into the night!

    We will not vanish without a fight!

    We're going to live on!

    We're going to survive!"

    Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. James himself actually once gave a rousing speech in one of the early bumping systems that took inspiration from the Independance Day speech. I doubt it is preserved anywhere but in James' chat logs. I remember it was good. Maybe he'll dredge that up from the archive and share it once again with us.

      Delete
    2. Found it: He gave his "Independence Day"-speech at the two month anniversary of the New Order.

      http://www.minerbumping.com/2012/10/the-new-order-descends-on-halaima-to.html

      Delete
    3. Hi Anon 2:45,

      Thanks for posting that link; great stuff!

      Sasha.

      Delete
  15. Kalorned, you magnificent evil bastard.

    :)

    ---Mike Adoulin

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  16. This is so much fucking win. This is why we, BLOB-A-THON, support the CODE, with our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALL HAIL THE BLOB-A-THON - did you notice that JTclone has discovered you are a top secret null-sec division of the New Order? This shocking news just went live today.

      https://soundcloud.com/mavericks4562514543/e-day

      Delete
  17. The Gorila is still watching you "James"......

    ReplyDelete
  18. JTClone's latest speech:

    https://soundcloud.com/mavericks4562514543/e-day

    New Order SRS BUSINESS RESPONSE:

    https://soundcloud.com/mr_seans/codes-e-day-salute-to-jtclone-ares

    Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Stupid is as stupid does I guess.

    ReplyDelete

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