Friday, December 15, 2017

Bot-Aspirancy Is a Helluva Drug

Kazarax was having a rough day. He lost a Procurer while mining in a wormhole, so he retired to highsec, where he thought it was perfectly safe to mine in a yield-fit Hulk.

...He thought wrong. Agent Piz Caldera spotted the miner in the Balle system and destroyed his 411 million isk Hulk.

Despite playing EVE since 2010, Kazarax knew little about the game. He couldn't imagine what would motivate someone to gank a Hulk.

The answer, of course, is the Code. Piz Caldera has been a Code enforcement Agent for a long time. After dealing with so many miners like Kazarax, he's developed a very thick skin.

From the beginning, Kazarax's thoughts were disorganized and erratic. He simultaneously wanted Agent Piz to go away and come back.

Our hero gave Kazarax a link to the Code. Maybe that would help focus the miner's mind, such as it was.

Piz grew alarmed. This miner wasn't calming down. If anything, he was heating up.

You know how miners complain about being defenseless--"ships that can't shoot back" and all that jazz? Kazarax put that nonsense to rest. He admitted that his mining ship was armed with attack drones. In fact, Kazarax felt the odds had been in his favor. He lost anyway, though. Like so many other miners, he forgot to factor in the Code.

Let this be a lesson not to negotiate when your emotions are out of control. Kazarax bid his reimbursement request down from 300 million to 250 million, on a ship worth 411 million.

The usual methods of dealing with a crazy miner--which are normally so effective--didn't seem to work on Kazarax. He again asked Piz to go away and come back.

Deprived of his bot-aspirant isk-grinding fix, the miner ranted and raved like an addict.

By this point, Agent Piz doubted whether the miner could be reasoned with. Still, it was his duty to keep the carebear apprised of the dire consequences of his actions.

The scatterbrained miner drifted aimlessly in his bot-aspirant haze. Who can hope to guide someone like this to the safety and joy of Code-compliance?

Agent Piz could only shake his head and move on to the next miner, one more capable of being helped. Kazarax was in a fog and wasn't coming out any time soon. But Piz didn't leave without first giving the pitiable carebear a parting gift:

Kazarax was marked with a 315,315 isk bounty. One can only hope that the next Agent will have better luck with him.


  1. HA heres more crap from the elite who cant take comments. Tell me where the words touched you.

    A nerfed blog is a failed life.

    1. The only nerf here is to little johnnie portle, now he can't post filth about him molesting children.

      The Code always wins!


    2. Anon 5:23 spend less time crying here and take control of your red frog freighter that is autopiloting.

      Then you will not have a mental illness and the need to get mad in the first place.

      Afk does not pay.

  2. Layalina KasyanenkovaDecember 15, 2017 at 5:24 PM

    Why must these bears be so vulgar? Anyone would have thought we killed their family or something.

    Killing spaceships in a spaceship shooting game and all we get is profanity and IRL threats, such a sad world we live in :(

  3. O well played Agent Piz!!

    That miner does seem.....all at sea. He's in the wrong game. It's World of Warships he needs.

    Heave ho, me hearties!

  4. Don't see salt like that everyday. Good job Agent Piz Caldera!

  5. Another one of Jamey's CHODE. slaves engaging in emergent harassment. Looks like the invite to a RL Bonus Room was left out of the story. I wonder why that was?

    1. Because you're ignorant and still posting with overused and tired memes from years ago?

      Best guess is: years ago you lost a retriever, was then selected to advance to the bonus round where you choked and lost all your shit, both literally and figuratively, and have been crying like a bitch about it ever since.

      I'm just playin the odds, friends, it rarely fails me.

      If you're still that mad over a game then you need to do yourself a huge favor and completely remove yourself from EVE and the community. It's the only way you can win at this point.

      There's no shame in walking away when you are completely overwhelmed, outclassed, and unable to even comprehend how to play the game correctly. EVE's just not for you.

      But if you do insist on staying and shitting up the game you should remember: Get a permit, or get rekt!

  6. This miner is just another reason to remove highsec from the game. All EVE needs for noobs is the 4 racial spawn systems, and a jumpbridge in each of those to Jita, Rens, and Dodixie. Any other "high security systems" need to be reset to 0.0, then remove alpha's and faction welfare and EVE is good to go! No more ghetto carebears.


    This is EVE. EVE is supposed to be hard. There is never a valid excuse to lose control like that miner. Violent shitters should always be encouraged to improve themselves or leave the game. Either way EVE wins.

    1. Your suggestion is not very well thought out.

    2. Anon 7:24, it is the best post here so far.


    3. Some people are just plain anti-sandbox, they will always cry for control and safety. In a game about blowing shit up.

      #nopoors #triggered724

  7. Hey!

    Little johnnie shitter must be absolutely seething with impotent rage as he realizes that no matter how hard he tries, the Code always wins!


    I'm seeing some parallels between him and his hero/mentor kalynn, and I'm a bit concerned. I hope his family is safe and that john pirtle gets the help he so desperately needs.

  8. As a fellow anti-CODE supporter I applaud his defiance but he's going at it the wrong way. Actions speak louder than words. Don't get drooling mad dog mental...make plans. Are you aligned at all times? Are you paying attention to local? Do you have every member branch of the CODE. alliance flagged red? Do you have many systems to choose from or are you being a big dummy by going to the same belt in the same system each time? Do you know mission rooms have belts? How's your acceleration and agility skilled? Secure cans are better than in-ship cargo for ore storage: if you lose your ship, your ore is still safe.

    Beat CODE through defiance but use your head, not your mouth.

    1. do you think he sees any of the things you write?
      oh poor ehnniepoo, youre the most Code-compliant carebear in all of new eden.

    2. I have been doing that before CODE was around. Maybe that makes you guys Ehnea compliant. ;P

  9. I haven't seen an eruption like that since 1944.

  10. I like popping ghetto carebears.

    See you soon ghesis.

    Never forget shardani.

  11. remember kalynn shardani (anti-ganking moderator) killed his infant child and himself.

    such a tragedy


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