Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Slow and the Furious, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Lawrence Lawton was idling in a station in Jita when his name was noticed in local by a pair of Code haters: Argyss Oqemi and Neocount. As the two raged, Lawrence tried quoting the Code to calm them down.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton no, code is killing the fucking game, fucking alp[-has, pie3ces of shit, you wanna get your rocks off, get a prostitute, if you wanna pick on somebody, pick a fight in real life, you so much a coward you pick on freighters ineve
Lawrence Lawton > No, that's a fallacy. CCP commissioned a study showing that I improve player retention.
Lawrence Lawton > CCP Proves the New Order Was Right about Ganking and New Players
Lawrence Lawton > Grinding solo PvE scares off new players. Mining literally makes people quit.
Citing a classic MinerBumping post, Lawrence busted the carebear myth about gankers driving players away from the game.
Argyss Oqemi > lol
Argyss Oqemi > HE QUOTES HIS OWN SITE!!!
Neocount > the fallacy is you pedo's justifying your existance trying to blow up UNARMED people for you profit claiming it for whatever
Argyss Oqemi > Lawrence Lawton Im new and was thinking of quiting AGAIN, 5 year old character, 1.6m sp, wtf should i do?
Neocount--who had lost an Orca to CODE.--couldn't be reasoned with, but Argyss seemed interested in getting some good advice from an EVE expert.
Lawrence Lawton > Argyss Oqemi You should make some friends and go have fun with them. Teamwork is the cornerstone of an MMO.
Argyss Oqemi > so i cant really help a corp
Argyss Oqemi > but i want to play
Argyss Oqemi > Lawrence Lawton i suck at making friends, everyone always stabs me in the back and is only looking for themselves
Argyss Oqemi > i actually hate the world
Argyss poured out his heart for all Jita to see. Lawrence patiently listened to the miner's problems. Perhaps our Agent was making progress after all. And who knows? Maybe Neocount would start calming down, too.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton your are the biggest piece of shit in this game and if ANYONE found out who you are, i would not worry a SECOND if they reported you were fucking killed
Neocount > you are making more ppl quit this game than anything else
Truii Tokila > What's all the hate in local? What'd I miss?
Goofus wishes our Agents were dead IRL. Gallant sees an Agent and says, "Thank you for your service."
Lawrence Lawton > No, I'm not. I think miners with bad attitudes are scaring off new players. I heard some alpha just entered Jita, saw your comment, and started crying.
Lawrence Lawton > Or maybe EVE isn't dying and it's all just a bunch of scaremongering
DIRTNAPZ > if eve was dying, it woulda happened already
Neocount > eve has at MAX 50k ppl logged in at once.... that is the SMALLEST MMO i have EVER played
Neocount > and i have played this over 6 years off and on
The miner claimed to be worried about EVE's player retention levels, but Lawrence was unconvinced. Neocount's hatred of the New Order was clearly motivated by something else. Something personal.
Lawrence Lawton > That's why we have a Saviour. Praise James 315!
Neocount > james 315 is the head pedophiles
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton is a pedo of eve
Neocount > he preys on the defenseless
Neocount > how honorable is that
Another test: Lawrence name-dropped the Saviour of Highsec. Doing this always cuts to the heart of the matter. That's why I've often said that my name is the ultimate litmus test. Neocount's reaction to hearing "James 315" immediately confirmed that he was a Goofus. It probably never even occurred to Neocount that he ought to praise me.
DIRTNAPZ > um, you dont eve much do you kid ?
DIRTNAPZ > undock from jita and i'll show you preying on defenless
DIRTNAPZ > and here you got concord supporting ur brokeback mountain arse
Neocount > yes, our shit CAN be stolen, and I"M pointing out that the pppl that would do such a thing, have the same mentality as pedophiles
Neocount was starting to draw attention from onlookers in Jita. They didn't take his side like he'd assumed they would.
Neocount > they prey on the defenseless, CODE is the pedophiles of Eve
DIRTNAPZ > Neocount undock so i can pod ur dumbass
Neocount > and as much as you assholes have cost All OF us in freight or shipping, i will SOCIALLY attack you end of story
Crua Elgot > Neocount I am intrigued by your ideas and if you send me 100m ISK I will subscribe to your newsletter.
Neocount's plan was to tarnish the Code's reputation in Jita. So far, however, the only image he had damaged was his own.
Lawrence Lawton > Neocount Oh you must be one of the freighter pilots caught up in Burn Jita.
Neocount > auctually i wasn't u uninformed unintelligent prick lawrence
Neocount > U
Neocount > i didn't get killed in burn jita
Neocount > what also doesn't change, the mentality of a pedophile
Annex Tormi > Neocount THAT escalated quickly
Agent Lawrence dropped more bait for Neocount, who quickly snatched it up. Now Lawrence was ready to show Jita a jaw-dropping killmail.
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Neocount's Orca I see now where the Catalyst touched you. 6.6 billion ISK anti-tanked Orca in Uedama. Should have bought a permit!
Neocount > one that picks on defenseless people that have no way to stop a bump or a gank when numerous piece of shit alphas are involved
Neocount > you can buy this B==========D
Sean HellFire > Bro... everybody gets ganked sometimes. Its part of this game
Neocount was furious, though it's difficult to say whether his fury was in response to the Orca killmail going public, or merely a continuation of his preexisting fury.
Neocount > adn your gonna be blocked again, i'm switching back to my ps4, where the real gaming happens, not with your pedophiles
Lawrence Lawton > I left a jetcan by 5-17 station for you to deposit your tears in. I'll collect them later, I promise.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton you prey on FREIGHTERS AND MINERS..... how in the FUCK do you fell ok abt that?
Kitten Pawz > Neocount, Do you even Damage Control II and Bulkhead bro?
Neocount > Kitten Pawz you are a piece of shit with CODE and are blocked
Having seen the Neocount killmail, the people of Jita had no sympathy for the miner. Neocount began to lash out against everyone around him.
Borisaurus > The whining in question -
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Neocount's Orca Do you like making Carebears cry? Join the New Order! Spontaneous Tears in Jita Local relating to this month old loss
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton i wish your parents were worth a damn, they obliviously raised an entitled cocksucker outta you
Jezzer Shras > Glourious Knight Lawrence Lawton is fighting to save EVE from bots and bot aspirants. YOU should be thanking him for making the game a better place.
The scene turned into a feeding frenzy. With all of Jita supporting the New Order against Neocount, would the Goofus miner finally see reason?

To be continued...

Monday, March 20, 2017

The Slow and the Furious, Part 1

Jita holds a special place in the world of EVE. It's a system where fortunes can be made or lost in a day--often the same day, in the case of isk-doubling. It's also an incredibly busy system, a place where the teeming masses of highsec mingle together to exchange goods and ideas.
Argyss Oqemi > CODE is stupid
Argyss Oqemi > CODE == PEDOPHILE
Argyss Oqemi > hahaha
Neocount > CDOE are literally the pedophiles of eve
Neocount > and eveyone should spread the word abt that
Not all of the goods and ideas are legit. Just as there are contract scams with empty packages, there are also faulty ideas.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton is in here? he's one of the head pedo's and i already have him blocked
Argyss Oqemi > is here currently or was
Argyss Oqemi > yea hes in system
Argyss Oqemi > that freaking pedophile
Two carebears struck up a conversation with each other in Jita. Argyss Oqemi was the first to speak; Neocount heard his anti-Code rhetoric and immediately embraced him.
Lawrence Lawton > My in-game character is certainly not a pedophile. I don't think there even are any children in this game.
Argyss Oqemi > you and all your CODE brethren are pedophiles, plain and simple
Argyss Oqemi > do you cannot tax the high security sector
Neocount > Argyss Oqemi thx Lawrence Lawton is a head pedophile
Lawrence Lawton > Show me where the catalyst touched you, miner.
Agent Lawrence Lawton was in Jita at the time and logged the criminal activity. After a brief investigation, he learned the source of Neocount's vendetta:

Several weeks earlier, Neocount had lost a 6.6 billion isk Orca in Uedama. He was still sore about it. Argyss' rantings in local inspired Neocount to voice his anger anew.
Argyss Oqemi > if you want to be serious enforcer dont send your pedo victims after me
Argyss Oqemi > its really messed up to make them do that for you after you touch them, and they are too shaken up to fight
Argyss Oqemi > CODE == PEDOPHILES
Neocount > Dude CODE are nothing but fucking Pedophile and i unblockedlawence fucking peophile to show that
Judging by the "conversation", Neocount was easily led. Unfortunately, he allowed himself to be led by a fellow carebear, rather than a responsible leader like one of our Agents.
Lawrence Lawton > Rude
Lawrence Lawton > New Order territory is a safe space for suicide gankers. Miners are required to put aside their prejudices and treat gankers with respect.
Neocount > the only people that attack defenseless people are CODE and pedophile
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton you are a RP piece of shit that has no morals nor capacity
DIRTNAPZ > he hates retards
The New Order believes in free speech, but it also has to be fair speech. Agent Lawrence politely reminded the miners that Jita local is meant to be used in service of the Code, not to thwart it.
Lawrence Lawton > Dunno. Lowsec gatecamps attack a lot of defenseless people.
Lawrence Lawton > Nullsec hotdrops attack a lot of defenseless people.
Neocount > you belong in null sec if you are gonna prey on defenseless people you piecfe of shit
Lawrence Lawton > I think the problem the expectation you seem to have of safety. Highsec is a dangerous place--get used to it.
Argyss Oqemi > its only dangerous because of pedophiles like you
It didn't take Lawrence long to win the argument. He had logic and facts on his side; the carebears only had their misguided rage.
Neocount > if you COULD PVP you would be in null sec but no, you prey on the defenseless
Neocount > the expectation is that i have is that people are decent human beings, you are not
Lawrence Lawton > Calm down, miner. Highsec is the elite PvP zone. There is neverending content.
Neocount > don't tell me to do anything you piecve of shit, you wanna take anyones' time or in game money?
All of Jita bore witness to the scene: A well-mannered, intelligent Agent, and a pair of vile, unruly carebears. Lawrence could sense that the crowd, though still mostly silent, was with him.
Argyss Oqemi > james315 has sexes with little ones
Lawrence Lawton > James 315 is the Supreme Protector of Highsec. Don't speak that way of your leader.
Argyss Oqemi > james315 == STUPID IDIOT
Neocount > \the security on is fucking pathetic
Argyss Oqemi > Neocount i noticed that as well, has been for a cpl of months
Argyss Oqemi > lets have some fun
Neocount and Argyss agreed that would be easy to hack or DDoS. That would have to wait, though. For the moment, they were content to make fools of themselves in local.
Lawrence Lawton > A mining permit would help you calm down. Send me 10m ISK and I'll get you sorted.
Shiu Len > james 315 can suck my code!!!!
Lawrence Lawton > James 315 is not interested in your sexual fantasies.
Neocount > you are a piece of shit, and you will always be nothing more than a piece of shit that preys on freighters and miners that can't defend themselves
Lawrence Lawton > Keep local clean. Miners should be courteous in local and should refrain from the use of profanity.
Lawrence repeatedly quoted the Code to show that the miners were in the wrong. Yet he was still having trouble getting through to them.
Argyss Oqemi > Lawrence Lawton i would like to shit on your chest
Lawrence Lawton > My in-game chest?
Argyss Oqemi > and piss on CODE
Argyss Oqemi > no irl, i would like to
Neocount > that's extortion and against every social rule in humanity, so i spread the rumor that you and your pedo f*g assh*le are nothing more than pedophiles
Neocount > that prey on the weak and try destroy
Our Agent was surprised to hear that Neocount was so concerned with upholding social rules. Up to this point, Lawrence had gotten the impression that Neocount didn't respect social rules very much.
Neocount > coward
Neocount > fucking coward
Neocount > nothing more than a fucking coward i8s all that james 315 is
Ella Sokarad > So nasty and rude in local tonight
Lawrence Lawton > Miners need to calm down. They're killing the game!
Neocount > no, code is killing the fucking game, fucking alp[-has, pie3ces of shit, you wanna get your rocks off, get a prostitute, if you wanna pick on somebody, pick a fight in real life, you so much a coward you pick on freighters ineve
Jita local was becoming almost as toxic as the Anti-Ganking channel. Lawrence worried that it might have a negative effect on the retention rates of new players. Was there any way to get these miners to calm down?

To be continued...

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Kills of the Week

"Ten million isk for a permit is too expensive," says the greedy miner. "I pay CCP for my subscription and no one else," the isk-grubber boasts. And then we hearing the bleating, "How can a newbie afford to buy a permit?" The real question is, how can a newbie afford not to buy one? For we all know that it's far more expensive to go without a permit. Consider the costs incurred by the following non-compliants, from the week of March 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Xeus Juntu tanked up his Mackinaw with a highly flammable substance: bling. The pricey mods attracted the notice of Agents Luna Nightblood, Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, and Ralliana. As Agent Salah observed, the Mackinaw would've had 75k EHP, or 110k EHP if overheated--against Catalysts. So our infinitely versatile Agents brought Tornadoes instead.

Late last week, ohotnik15 was spotted flying a blingy Golem through The Forge region. Agents Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Richard, Ralliana, Pod Destroyer Molly, Luna Nightblood, Tax Collector Stroheim, and Underpaid Ship Mechanic knew there was something off about this guy. They rallied a force to take him down, but were surprised by what happened next:

ohotnik15 went batty and invited CONCORD onto the killmail.

How many freighters need to die before people learn how to use them properly? rashaverak apparently tried to "tank" his ship by filling it with cargo. The 29 billion isk behemoth signed his own death warrant. An indignant mob formed to stop him from continuing to flout the Code: Agents Synamic, Miros Homar, Dewzer Eyre, Ampelius Loukianos, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Tantaria Stavanghar, Kyt Thrace, Yojiro, Blasty McVoidFace, neurothic, Alexis Grixis, Selo ibnSedef, Marcos Tolg, Whitney Wooberg, Bob Painter, Gea Stormbound, Liz Cadelanne, Grant Bant, Inspector Implant, Bint Bint, Catharina Hakoke, Jason Kusion, Skeezy McSkeez, Slipstream Prediouca, Dragalis Miraxim, Dirk Utama, Ivana Freemam, Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Sinagico, Jake Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Lead Colonist Dallocort, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joseph Kusion, The Tension, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Sigmund Jund, Jasper Esper, and SynthiaGreey.

Another question: How many Deep Space Transports need to die before the carebears realize we're wise to their schemes? Acces thought he was very clever when he stuffed nearly 10 billion isk of cargo into his Bustard. But no one is cleverer than our Agents. Pod Destroyer Molly, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector HongMei, and Tax Collector GetGoodKid blapped the Bustard and were horrified by what they discovered:

6.2 billion isk in mining drones? Sickening.

The carebear mewls, "Why don't you shoot ships that can shoot back?" To which we must respond, "Why don't you fit weapons on your combat ships?" Freyion Serine abused a Gnosis hull by fitting it with mining equipment and cargo expanders. Agents William Telluric, Hero Of HiSec, and Tisiphone Dira arrived and gave it a merciful death.

Lion Gold's is a sad story. She was autopiloting in a completely unfit Heron-class frigate. It was destroyed, but her pod kept plodding along and jumped through the gate into Agent HARMONY ST0NER SMURF's system. That's where her journey ended.

In all, 4.6 billion isk worth of implants were evaporated. If you're curious what an Asklepian set does, it's similar to a Crystal set: It provides a bonus to your armor reps. A must-have for any unfit Heron pilot.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Wrapped Around Our Fingers

I've often observed that the Anti-Gankers live in a sort of anti-reality; they see the world in reverse. Thus, if you want to get a clear picture of EVE, simply join the Anti-Ganking channel and invert everything the carebears are saying.

Despite the fact that CONCORD and faction police restrict a ganker's freedom of movement to the barest minimum, those restrictions aren't enough for the carebears. That's because they want ganking completely removed from the game. CCP hasn't gone quite that far, leaving the carebears with the impression that CCP is under our control.

According to the rebels' conventional wisdom, CCP allows pro-Code players to say whatever they want on the forums. By comparison, the moderators are much more strict with anti-Code players, who get banned for the slightest infraction.

Like I said, the Anti-Gankers have a distorted view of the world.

Consequently, the carebears are always confused. The harder they think, the more confused they become. And they wonder why they never win.

On rare occasions, someone in the Anti-Ganking channel will challenge the consensus view. They must be spies and trolls from the New Order.

RangerGord couldn't get over the fact that having low security status doesn't make a ship insta-pop in highsec. Why, the gankers get to enjoy several seconds on grid before the faction police will appear and make the ship go pop! In theory, Anti-Gankers could fill in the gaps and help police highsec, but RangerGord conceded their uselessness.

Rather than blaming themselves for their failures, the rebels blame CCP and its pro-ganker bias.

The tears about CCP were briefly interrupted for official Anti-Ganking business--which soon devolved into tears related to said business.

Agent Aaaarrgg is a frequent topic of conversation in the Anti-Ganking channel. Nevertheless, carebears often say "aaaarrgg" even when not referring to our illustrious Agent.

Ah, the irony: FuzzySmurf questioned how Aaaarrgg could have any fun when his movements were so restricted by faction police and CONCORD.

In truth, the Anti-Gankers are lucky to feel so confused and upset, and to constantly fail. It's the universe's way of telling them that they're doing everything wrong--and that they need the Code.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Blockbuster Videos

Today's a good day for those of you who like New Order media (which should be pretty much everyone)...

The roaring success of Sasha Nemtsov's video on The Common Bot-Aspirant demanded a sequel. Here it is:

You can't go wrong with Sasha--especially when you've got educational sights and sounds based on the epic Why They Hate the Code MinerBumping series.

The Code Is Forever series got spiced up with the addition of text-to-speech for all the carebear tears!

Elite PvP, elite tear collection, elite Gamis goodness!

The CODE always wins, always. Even when a gank goes wrong? Yup. Agent Zaenis Desef was on Twitch streaming some ganks when he met an astonishing Retriever pilot.

The Retriever pilot gave Zaenis a "gf". Despite lacking a permit, he seemed like a Gallant miner.

True to his word, Zaenis created a highlight video of the attempted gank:

Then someone in the Twitch chat suggested that Zaenis give the miner a free permit. Our Agent had a better idea: He gave the miner 10 million isk to spend however he pleased.

Wouldn't you know it? The miner spent the 10 million on a New Order mining permit. You can always tell a Gallant miner.

Check out the zaenisdesef Twitch channel for more Code goodness.

Over One Trillion One Hundred Fifty-Six Billion in Shares Sold

We all know that buying New Order shares helps our Agents to save highsec. But what a lot of people may not realize is that the Anti-Gankers really, really hate it when they read MinerBumping and see that someone's bought a bunch of shares. Last week, Hrothgar Nilsson made a stunning purchase of 32.7 billion worth of shares. This was bound to prompt a response. Within a few hours of the MinerBumping post going up, Hrothgar received an EVEmail from notorious Anti-Ganker Rusell:

Google Translate would be of little use here, but I'm guessing this was just a bizarre and indirect way of saying, "Stop giving the New Order money." Hrothgar penned a reply, only to find out that Rusell had preemptively blocked him:

Speaking as a neutral observer of this exchange, I'd say Hrothgar won the debate.

Several other shareholders sent me EVEmails this week.

Of course, it's not required to write an essay when you buy shares. In fact, buying shares is so easy! Simply transfer isk to James 315; as I told Counsul Shakiel, you don't need to be in a corp or anything.

Doubloons received. But they were not quite enough to get us over the next billion isk mark...

There it is. Black Pedro purchased 1,000 additional shares, sending us past the 1 trillion 155 billion isk mark and earning him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

And the next milestone was reached thanks to Erika von Heisenberg, who opened a New Order account to purchase 350 shares, sending us past the 1 trillion 156 billion isk mark and earning her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Anti-Gankers, don't be discouraged by the generosity of our shareholders. Learn from them!

Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Family Meeting, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Joden Ka struggled to accept the new highsec reality. Upon losing his mining barge, Joden appealed to the MinerBumping channel in a fairly disastrous performance. He declared that he never wanted to speak with anyone from the New Order again. Yet Joden soon found himself in a private conference with Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet.
Joden Ka > so let me get things stright
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Sure, I'd be happy to answer any questions you have
Joden Ka > evidenlty alot has changed since i left
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > When exactly did you last play?
Joden Ka > 2011
The miner hailed from 2011, the pre-Code era. No wonder he'd been so confused. He was one of those Rip Van Winkle miners.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > The fact is that the group I represent has the power necessary to enforce our claims, and nobody has managed to dislodge or defeat us.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > That's realpolitik.
Joden Ka > everything changes with time
Joden Ka > but enough posturing
TheInternet made it known that the Order was here to stay. Joden hoped, perhaps, that if he disappeared for another six years, highsec might return to the way it was. But the Code is forever.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You suggested you would leave Highsec rather than comply with the Code - and very publically.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > In a New Order channel.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I tried to warn you that you weren't making your case well, but you insisted on ignoring my warnings.
Joden Ka > well i was being called a liar and ignorant
Joden tried to make excuses for his earlier conduct. Our Agent wasn't buying it. The miner had dug quite a hole for himself, but TheInternet could help him out of it.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Despite these things I am still willing to help you, but as you say
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You need to stop posturing
Joden Ka > lol wow
Joden Ka > im not posturing
Joden Ka > ok so how can we resolve this situation we find ourselves in?
For the time being, Joden was willing to put aside his grudge against the New Order and focus on finding a solution. That attitude would soon be tested.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You will need to purchase a mining permit at the 30m ISK Red Pen Violation rate.
Joden Ka > yea i didnt have the 10mill and i won't have the 30mill
Joden Ka > so i guess this conversation was pointless
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I would suggest you borrow the ISK from a friend.
Joden Ka > umm no friends.....just started remember
So many miners fail at this point in their journey. They simply can't imagine giving up any of their isk--not to another player. They are bot-aspirants.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Frankly, mining is a terrible income - if I were you I would do something else.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I've got an idea for you, as it happens.
Joden Ka > oh really
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Not today, but tomorrow - what you should do is head to Jita. Bring a T1 hauler with a MWD.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Do as I say and the rest should come naturally.
TheInternet came through on her promises. She offered Joden the chance to make a lot of money and actually enjoy the game.
Joden Ka > ok why?
Joden Ka > so you guys can kill me again?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Hardly.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I haven't given you a time.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You think we're going to camp Jita all day just for you and a T1 hauler?
Joden Ka > sorry but im not in the most trusting mood
As usual, the miner was his own worst enemy. He ignored TheInternet's wisdom.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Do as I said, when you get the ISK, come and pay your debt to me.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Have a bit of faith here.
Joden Ka > HA faith huh in a corp that one if its msmbers killed me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You say that as if it's a bad thing
Joden Ka > it is
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > For some it's a course correction
A lack of faith is one of the biggest reasons miners are unable to succeed in EVE. That's another thing they should put into the official tutorial.
Joden Ka > im irish we are stubborn
Joden Ka > the only reason im here is because i shouldnt have to look over my shoulder everytime i go mining
Joden Ka > i think i have a right to be mad
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > TBH if losses actually make you mad, I'm not sure if this game is really for you
Joden Ka > ok lets make this simple.......if you think you know whats best for me. keep it to yourself. im pretty reasonable if treated like an equal
The miner bristled. Joden must've known that TheInternet had far more success and experience in EVE than he did, but his pride kept him from listening.
Joden Ka > dont call me a liar or ignorant or think of me as stupid
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > On a person to person level, I respect your basic human dignity
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > in EVE, you are not my equal
Joden Ka > you should treat people as equals no matter where you are....... it's called manners
Joden Ka > id give the shirt off my back to help
Joden Ka > no matter my osition
It's amazing how noble and respectful and generous miners can be in hypothetical situations. In actual situations, they're anything but.
Joden Ka > laugh all you want
Joden Ka > lol im not delusional but i treat people the same no matter what im doing
Joden Ka > your arrogant in the way you talk
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You're a miner
Joden Ka > listen dude
Joden Ka > i don't have to mine
TheInternet made Joden contemplate, for the first time, a new possibility: He didn't have to mine. He didn't have to mine!
Joden Ka > ok let me get this straight
Joden Ka > i need a permit to mine and run missions but it's a mining permit
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Mining indulgences are required for all Highsec activities, including mining, hauling, mission running, etc.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We regularly police the commerce lanes for illicit freighter traffic.
Joden Ka > see i would have been ok with getting a permit for mining to mine but im not going to pay for a mining permit to run missions, thats absurd
The bot-aspirant's narrow, programmatic view of the world got in his way again. He'd been so close to an important realization about not needing to mine.
Joden Ka > thats not what the permit says
Joden Ka > it says mining
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You're going to try and explain to me what the permits we sell do?
Joden Ka > cause all it sounds like is extortion to me and your guys want to be paid so people can play this game in peace
Joden drifted back into the mire of miner clichés and bot-aspirancy.

Despite the miner's difficulties, simply being in the presence of a New Order Agent was bound to have a positive impact sooner or later.
Joden Ka > ok and down the rabbit hole we go
Joden Ka > sorry but i don't need you or your friends permission to play this game
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Of course not, you are free to leave Highsec.
Joden Ka > and no im not leaving highsec
Joden Ka > so if thats the only thing your gonna preach then i have nothing more to say . i will continue to play my game in peace
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > clearly not my friend
Joden Ka > i was hoping for a rational conversation
Joden Ka > good day
The conversation was too philosophically challenging for Joden. He could not bear to continue.


After the convo with TheInternet, Joden had a change of heart. He sent a message to Agent Zopiclone--the ganker to whom he'd been so rude before. At last, Joden admitted to himself the power of the Code. He was unwilling to buy a permit, so he chose to abandon the path of the miner, leave highsec, and join a nullsec alliance. 'Twas another victory for the New Order and its slogan: "No miner left behind."

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Family Meeting, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec miner Joden Ka made the fatal mistake of prioritizing his real life family over his highsec family. The result was the destruction of his ship at the hands of Agent Zopiclone. Appealing the matter to the general public of the MinerBumping channel, Joden made his case before a warm but skeptical audience. He then proceeded to alienate everyone with his heresies.
Alt 00 > You quite literally walked away from your responsibilities
Alt 00 > Which were to remain the keyboard
Mr Xofar > I think we already covered the fact that ignorance is no excuse
Alt 00 > And did you offer a 'GF'?
Joden Ka > nope
Joden Ka > i was quite irate
By this point, Joden knew there was no use in concealing or twisting the truth any longer.
Joden Ka > cause i didnt realise i was inviolation of anything
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Ka, I'd like to point out it is in your interests to take this to private - you're not doing a great job of making your case here.
Alt 00 > Even though your bio has written in it " I follow The New Halaima Code of Conduct."
Joden Ka > yeah is is
Zopiclone > Thank you fellow agents for helping me clear this up to this miner
Zopiclone felt absolutely vindicated. TheInternet offered to help the miner in private; most of her best work is done in a more intimate setting. However, Joden ignored her invitation.
Alt 00 > Did it not occur to you to acquaint yourself with said Code of Conduct?
Joden Ka > not really
Alt 00 > Well, I rest my case
Joden Ka > i'm not paying another 10 mill for a contract
Joden Ka > i dont have it
Gentleman Thief > Joden Ka you dont want to go through this again do you?
Joden announced his intention to forego the purchase of a replacement permit. Since his previous mining permit was revoked for AFK mining, he would be totally unprotected.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > he means enforcement
Joden Ka > dont care what he means i dont have the isk now
Joden Ka > period
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Perhaps somebody can loan you the ISK at interest.
Alt 00 > I feel we should cast a vote - guilty or not guilty. Then he can appeal to Agent Tweeps in a private hearing
It's amazing how many miners don't have 10 million isk. Don't they spend all day grinding isk?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Guilty.
Alt 00 > Guilty
Joden Ka > i dont care about your verdict
Alt Proxy > Guilty!
Gentleman Thief > Guilty
Joden Ka > you have no right to judge me
The verdict was unanimous. It says a lot when 100% of the experts in a field agree on something. Joden remained defiant. He would've vowed to put the system on trial, but he felt too beaten down. He just wanted it all to end.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > miner, are you sure you did not have another 5 million somewhere?
Joden Ka > nope spent it on implants
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > "Right" is something your peers have. You are not our peers. What we have is "Title" - over Highsec.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > and yes, guilty
A late ballot came in, confirming the earlier result.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > This is a New Order territory, friend.
Joden Ka > don't worry i'll move areas
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Lowsec is nice this time of year.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > as is wormhole space
Joden Ka > nice meeting all of you
Gentleman Thief > he's gone
Mr Xofar > Deffinitely not a Gallant
Zopiclone > I've been away for a bit but the miners havent gotten any nicer.
Joden called it quits and left the channel. Now all that remained was the tying up of a few loose ends.
Zopiclone > o/
Joden Ka > im not mad at you
Joden Ka > but i will not be buying something i cant afford to play a game i pay for
Joden Ka > so if i have to go run missions i will but i will not sit there and be called ignorant or a liar or stupid
Joden Ka > so you and your buddies can laugh all you want just leave me be
Zopiclone > You still need to follow the law of High Sec space. You bought a permit without readint it
There was some unfinished business between the miner and the Agent who ganked him. Zopiclone made one final plea for Joden to embrace the Code.
Joden Ka > sigh and here i thought we were gonna have a normal conversation
Joden Ka > im still not buying a permit to mine......thats extortion
Joden Ka > paying the mob for protection
Joden Ka > it's bs
Zopiclone > Its the law. It has been for the last 4-5 years since James 315 saved Highsec
Joden Ka > he didnt save anything and reguardless of what yur pals say the last time i was here in this game there was no code
What do highsec miners know of "normal conversation", I wonder? Normally, they're silent.
Joden Ka > no savior has a price on their head
Zopiclone > Its a complicated balance. Many people get mad before they see the light
Joden Ka > um no i believe they get mad for a reason
Joden Ka > im a person not a machine
Zopiclone > They get mad at themseleves because they failed to follow a code that they accepted by buying a mining permit
Joden Ka > you killed me without provocation you ganked me in high sec and your code is just an excuse to get away with it and call it justified
Joden Ka > so no i am mad and have a reason to be
Even after all that he'd been through, even after speaking with numerous Agents who all agreed that he was at fault, Joden still didn't see what he had done wrong.
Zopiclone > You bought the permit and failed to follow our law
Joden Ka > your law.....mot mine
Zopiclone > Its everyones law. Its inclusive
Joden Ka > stepping away for a couple minutes in high sec has never been a reason to be ganked in high sec
Joden Ka > so no it's not everyones law
Joden Ka > just cause you think it is
Joden Ka > well this conversation has been enlightening all you are is a mindless drone........ go follow your masters and enjoy your leash
The miner stormed out of his second conversation that day.

Joden took the extreme step of cutting off all communication with the Agents of the New Order. Zopiclone was disappointed. She didn't want things to be left like this. What if she never saw Joden again? Would his last memory of the New Order be the writing of an angry EVEmail?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > o/
Joden Ka > hi
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Hello
Joden Ka > so let me get things stright
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Sure, I'd be happy to answer any questions you have
Agent TheInternet quietly reached out to Joden in private. TheInternet knew about Joden's EVEmail to Zopiclone. But she wanted one more crack at this miner.

To be continued...

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

The Family Meeting, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Permit owner Joden Ka went AFK to talk to his family and get a drink. Meanwhile, Joden's Retriever was being killed by a member of the highsec family--Agent Zopiclone. Joden insisted he was innocent, and the matter was taken up by a council of elders. They soon confirmed Joden had violated the Code.
Joden Ka > high sec used to be free when i last played....and this code didn't exist
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > yes, there have been many changes for the better
Joden Ka > oh really
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > now highsec has a Savior
Alt 00 > \0/
Mr Xofar > \o/
Joden was now surrounded by good EVE players: Agents of the New Order. The miner was having trouble adjusting to the new highsec, so our Agents drew his attention to some of the positive changes.
Alt 00 > 'The Saviour of Highsec'
Joden Ka > seems like a bully to me telling people they cant mine and go afk without special permission
Jeyne Farrow > Joden Ka please be respectful on this server, as we have been to you
Jeyne Farrow > now, would you like me to send over a permit?
Joden Ka > hold on
It time for Joden to stop griping and start giving money to the Agents. But he was not yet ready.
Joden Ka > i've been called a liar
Joden Ka > and ignorant
Joden Ka > just because i don't know of this code of yours
Alt 00 > Joden Ka we are the real victims here - you have purchased a permit and then turned your back on the Code of Contact
Even a villain may consider himself the hero of his own story. Take the AFK miners, for instance. They see themselves as the good guys!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Your state of poverty is unfortunate. We are here to help you nonetheless.
Joden Ka > lol
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > That's the spirit
Joden Ka > no
Joden Ka > that wasn't a laugh of joy
Agents of the New Order are experts at many things. One of their greatest strengths is their ability to enjoy EVE. Highsec miners are usually lacking in that department.
Alt 00 > Joden Ka why are you not happy? You gotto PVP with us in a PVP game
Joden Ka > do not patronize me
Mr Xofar > Undocking is consent to PvP
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Let's assume the problem was not malice, but merely ignorance.
Joden Ka > bs
The miner didn't see the fun in PvP, which is EVE's raison d'être. You know, it's pretty hard to enjoy a game if you don't like its raison d'être.
Joden Ka > undocking in low sec is open pvp
Psycho-Bob > actually undocking is pvp
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > undocking anywhere is open pvp
Joden Ka > high sec is supposed to be safe
Psycho-Bob > nope
Alt 00 > Violating the Code is effectively a request for PVP
Joden believed highsec was supposed to be safe. Our Agents pitied him. The EVE tutorial and new player experience had failed him--but they wouldn't.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Whatever the root cause of your non-compliance, at the end of the day it is your non-compliance that is the issue.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We are past the point of excuse making.
Joden Ka > excuse making?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Now, we can proceed with rectifying your non-compliance, or we can leave that to the Enforcement Division.
Joden Ka > enforcement division?
Joden Ka > i pay for this game
Joden Ka > nobody else
Our Agents are also experts at problem-solving. They wanted the miner to move forward, not wallow in self-pity and reimbursement requests.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > miner, please calm down
Psycho-Bob > "The essential core concept of EVE Online is that it is full time PvP in a sandbox environment. As has been mentioned in previous sections any player can engage another player at any time in any place." ccp new player faq
Joden Ka > i'm about as calm as an irishman can be
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > That's good to hear.
Joden Ka > not really
Of course, the first step in solving any problem is to calm down. Joden was clearly struggling.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > However, even if you pay for the game, you are not free to mine the Saviour's ore without a mining permit.
Joden Ka > its not his ore
Alt 00 > James 315 is the Saviour of Highsec. Read his bio.
Mr Xofar > Denying fact does not make it untrue
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > all the ore in highsec belongs to James 315
Joden Ka > oh now your true colors are showing
For some reason, Joden had a bad attitude about me. I can't imagine why; I've never even met him. Actually, that's probably a big part of his problem.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You just denied that the ore in Highsec belongs to the Saviour
Joden Ka > dont really care
Joden Ka > and?
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > but you do care about your ships not being enforced against, right?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > don't expect to be taken seriously with that attitude
Krig Povelli > Miner, please calm down
The miner was caught in the horns of a familiar dilemma: He wanted to ignore the Code, but he didn't want his next mining ship to get blown up.
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > the way to achieve it is to 1. buy the permit, 2. obey the Code
Mr Xofar > SO simple
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > and, of course, calm down
Joden Ka > yea we saw how well that worked out
Alt 00 > You didn't obey the Code
Alt 00 > That's how it worked out
It's incredible to think that after all this time, Joden still couldn't see how he'd broken the law. How does one mine AFK and claim innocence?
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > we are not an extortion operation that is all about isk, isk, isk
Joden Ka > yea ok
Joden Ka > you know i follow all the rules i come across within reason
Alt 00 > No - you don't
Joden Ka > im not an unreasonable person
Mr Xofar > I think you are
Joden was still deeply confused. The good news is that as long as he was in the MinerBumping channel, he would be surrounded by good influences.
Alt 00 > You have tried to scam us, Joden
Joden Ka > oh really?
Joden Ka > how?
Alt 00 > By purchasing a permit and claiming you would follow the Code
Alt 00 > And then as soon as you though our backs were turned - violating the Code
Joden Ka > like i said
Joden Ka > i didnt realise i had violated it
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Ka, this is getting to be a bit of a circus, given this is a public channel. If you'd like to chat with me in private I'd be happy to do so. Shoot me a mail or convo me if you're interested in a serious discussion.
Despite being in the company of good men and women, Joden wasn't getting anywhere. Perhaps more drastic measures would need to be taken.

To be continued...

Monday, March 13, 2017

The Family Meeting, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Zopiclone discovered an AFK miner in a highsec asteroid belt. Even more shockingly, the miner was a permit owner. Joden Ka was terminated for his betrayal, but he claimed his absence from his keyboard was justified because he'd been talking with his family for three minutes about the impending sale of their home.
Zopiclone > Miner I have invited you to a channel to plea your case.
Joden Ka > it said it needed a password
Joden Ka > which i dont have
Zopiclone > 315 is the password
Zopiclone recused herself and referred the matter to the most impartial, objective group of people she could think of.
Zopiclone > Kill: Joden Ka (Retriever) even had a permit.... Kill: Joden Ka (Capsule)
Zopiclone > But must have been AFK
Lament von Gankenheim > shame
Alt 00 > Buying a permit and going AFK is effectively a breach of contract - a miner trying to scam us
Fiddly Pop > yes
Before inviting Joden Ka to the channel, Zopiclone briefed everyone on the matter. She took care not to skew her account one way or the other.
Starshade > There's always some flimsy excuse for the inexcusable
Alt 00 > 3 minutes - an admission of total guilt
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > they really think we are an extortion ring or something
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > as opposed to a philantropic organization that aims to improve the behhavior and awareness of miners
Jeyne Farrow > I know. We are so reasonable with them too
The channel in question was MinerBumping, the ultra-cool headquarters of the New Order. Everyone active in the channel at the time was an Agent. They were scandalized by the Joden Ka story.
Gentleman Thief > Idle hands and all that
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > it means he did not read the Code
Alt 00 > In other words, he was running a scam
Alt 00 > Amazing how the miners like to twist everything
Alt 00 > Perhaps you should invite him here, for a fair trial
Great minds think alike, which is why all of our Agents think alike. Alt 00 suggested Zopiclone bring the miner into the channel.
Gentleman Thief > Zopiclone invite him here. We'll hear his plea
Gentleman Thief > as a fair and unbiased jury of his peers, we can judge if his actions were reasonable
Zopiclone > Joden Ka welcome
Joden Ka > yes
Zopiclone > So this is a safe place. Please let our higher ups know what happened
The miner was eager for a sympathetic ear--and even more eager for reimbursement isk. He didn't hesitate to join the channel.
Alt 00 > Good evening, friend
Gentleman Thief > Joden Ka welcome. We'd just like to hear what happened?
Joden Ka > well i was mining and was called by my family and i stepped away for 3 min to get a drink and talk and i come back to find myself under attack and killed
Starshade > Joden Ka There it is.
Joden wasted no time in confessing his guilt. A previously undisclosed detail emerged: At least part of his three-minute absence had been spent getting a drink.
Alt 00 > I see, so you admit to not being at the keyboard during that time?
Joden Ka > yep i had an issue to deal with
Starshade > You were AFK. I understand there are situations where you need to leave, but there are always stations you can dock in.
Joden Ka > i didnt realise i would be justifiably killed for discussing things with my family
The miner was alarmed to see the tide turn against him so quickly. He was already on the defensive.
Alt 00 > I meant to ask - did you speak with Agent Zopiclone about this issue first?
Joden Ka > yep
Joden Ka > i just came back to the game
Alt 00 > And were you granted permission to go AFK?
Joden Ka > i didnt talk to her beforehand
Another damning admission soon followed. Our Agents, who were so open-minded and receptive to the miner's point of view, couldn't help but feel Joden's potential reimbursement isk was slipping away from him.
Alt 00 > Why not before?
Joden Ka > cause she came in system while i was talking to my family
Joden Ka > i didnt realize it would be a violation
Alt 00 > Agents of the New Order will allow you to go AFK for a moment if it is a real-life emergency. All you need do is to ask
Joden Ka > last time i was in this game it was ok to mine and do stuff
A dangerous utterance escaped Joden's lips. He seemed to be nostalgic for the pre-Code era. Decent people know highsec was a nightmare in those days. Was Joden secretly a counter-revolutionary of some kind?
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > it still is OK to mine and do stuff
Joden Ka > evidently not
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > but if you want to do it in highsec, you have to follow the Code
Shub-Niggurath Podienne > would you ever leave your keyboard if you were mining in a wormhole?
Alt 00 > Or leave your car seat whilst driving?
Our Agents reminded the miner--if he ever knew it to begin with--that obedience to the Code is no more restrictive than wisdom itself.
Joden Ka > i wasn't in a wormhole
Joden Ka > now your assuming that im stupid?
Jeyne Farrow > Joden Ka i think this case is clear. You have not read the Code properly, and understood the requirements of miners everywhere. I am sorry, but it appears the actions of the agent in this case were justifiable
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I think a fresh start is called for
Joden Ka > i'm still out a ship and implants
The miner urged the court to consider his troubled state. He was destitute.
Mr Xofar > A mining permit is only as good as the code you follow
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > This way we know you're serious about compliance.
Alt 00 > Breach of contract on the other hand, is not acceptable
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Do you see how we speak with one voice?
Jeyne Farrow > If that is not consent of the people, and a fair jury of your peers, I do not know what is
Zopiclone > Praise James
The decision of the tribunal was unanimous. To be honest, it was an easy case.
Jeyne Farrow > Joden Ka would you like me to forward a new permit then?
Joden Ka > high sec used to be free when i last played....and this code didn't exist
Joden's mind harbored some dark thoughts, it seemed. Would he get right with the Code--or would he get himself into even more trouble?

To be continued...

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Kills of the Week

Principle or pragmatism? In the New Order, we have both: A Code that is both highly principled and masterfully effective. The rebel carebears, on the other hand, are unprincipled and inexpedient at the same time. In rejecting the Code, they find themselves getting the worst of both worlds. Their wicked ways bring them nothing but, well, have a look for yourself. From the week of March 5th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 11th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

The rebels whined when we outlawed ORE Strip Miners and 'Aoede' Mining Laser Upgrades. We did it for their own good. Dett Naari lost a Retriever worth 1.4 billion isk when he was audited by Agents Tax Collector BokChoy and Tax Collector HongMei.

Elend Venture could've spared himself a lot of pain and suffering if he'd chosen to obey the Code rather than his own worst instincts. His 20.9 billion isk freighter was swallowed by a sea of torpedoes fired by Agents Miner Compliance Officer, big brutor two, Bob Painter, big brutor one, Inspector Implant, Logical Fallacy, Jake Kusion, Joel Kusion, Unwarranted Assumption, Hayley, Logical Fatality, Yvain Bluewater, Nin Rin, big brutor three, big brutor four, Jayson Kusion, Prixm Wind, Justin Kusion, George Painter, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, and Joshua Kusion.

Among other things, Elend's freighter contained 21 Machariels. It's fitting, because the freighter was probably bumped by a Machariel before it died.

You don't need a freighter to lose a horrific amount of isk in highsec. As I've been saying a lot lately, Deep Space Transports are getting in on the big lossmail action. Tradewu had a Bustard worth 6.3 billion isk. Its eclectic fit didn't hold up to the highly disciplined force of Agents Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector HongMei, and Taxman Daniel.

It was a busy week for the CODE. alliance's Gate Tax Collection Agency corp. Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, and Tax Collector HongMei took down Shivalie Storm SS's 3.3 billion isk Nightmare. Critics say ganking is too easy, too effortless. Compared to what, though? It's a lot less effort to undock an un-fit Nightmare and use it as an AFK hauler. Looks like someone's cat hit the mouse button or something here.

Here's a prophecy for resine priapos: If you use a Prophecy this way, you're gonna get dunked. Agents Zopiclone, Never Gonna SeeGrandKids, and Fate and Destiny were alerted to a grotesque monster roaming the asteroid belts, and they quickly dealt with it.

Kusag was sitting in his Tornado at the star, presumably waiting to 1v1 somebody. A pair of CODE. Catalysts landed on him and won the surprise 1v2. Agent Alt Proxy celebrated the victory with a good podding.

Kusag's 2.8 billion isk implants were intended to improve his combat effectiveness by a certain percentage. But without the Code, his effectiveness was zero. Protip: First, master the Code. Only then should you plug in some (reasonably priced) implants.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #127

We'd better make the most of our final three weeks together, dear reader. Let us begin with another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

What gives me the authority? Read it and weep.

Apparently some rebels are still trying to find the location of the New Order of Highsec's hidden base. Hint: It's in the name of our organization.

Giving miners special breakfast privileges would be problematic, I think. They'd probably eat all three meals at once and call it breakfast. Efficient for their isk/hr ratio, but not very healthy.

Ah, the Gullible Gull. He has no idea that our content is guaranteed 100% harassment-free and exploit-free.

Nice to hear that Red vs. Blue is still around.

Twitch Ruse advised his fellow miner that he could get better results in recruiting new miners to his corp if he offered complimentary ECM protection. I'm sure his friend is a big success now.

Agent Aaaarrgg had a feeling fenix30rus was probably anti-Code, but he requested clarification, just in case.

Aaaarrgg's suspicions were confirmed: fenix30rus was a rebel miner who needed to calm down.

Here's a riddle: If CODE. is irrelevant, and if CODE. is pretty much the only thing in EVE people talk about anymore, does that mean EVE is irrelevant?

Melliar looked down upon his fellow carebears. Unlike other regions, Solitude has highsec "islands" surrounded by lowsec systems. Who knew there was such a thing as elite highsec mining?

Alar Chihaya was disgusted by the loss of all his possessions in EVE. This game is so difficult. If only someone would draft a list of rules or guidelines that miners could follow to avoid losing their stuff. A Code, if you will.

Agent Alt 00 informed Alar that there was indeed a way out of his predicament. The miner wasn't interested. For someone with nothing left to lose, Alar was awfully narrow-minded.

All you carebears out there, pay attention. This is how you write an "I just came back to EVE and found out about the Code" mail.