Monday, December 31, 2018

Before I Forget, Part 1

I've got a protip for all you miners out there--and because it's Christmas, even the illegal ones...

...When someone like this enters the system, cease mining. Of course, it's difficult to pay attention to local when you're AFK.

On Christmas Eve, Kondonkle III BompdinkinII found himself mining without a permit in the Poinen system. He died.

In fact, Kondonkle got ganked so hard it knocked him into his next corp. Kondonkle and his friend dropped corp and joined a new one. Perhaps he was trying to evade detection. Or maybe he thought joining a new corp would make him look more like a newbie.

Regardless, our heroes were able to track down Kondonkle and friend. It wasn't difficult; they were still in Poinen. Both of their ships were destroyed. Merry Christmas!
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > I am fucking new to this game and all my shit was destroyed in this system
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > i got no money now and am stuck with this shitty ass game that has no pay off in the end
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > so now im just going to go to high sec and waste hours of my fucking day mining bullshit for bullshit money
Slutzilla > you are already in high sec
Slutzilla > maybe you should have bought a permit.... or tried another system?
After five months in EVE, Kondonkle still considered himself new. He was deeply disappointed with the game; he didn't think EVE had much to offer.

Judging by the way Kondonkle spoke about his EVE experience, he was probably getting ready to unsubscribe--which would've taken CCP one step further away from its business goals. It's a good thing Agent Slutzilla showed up when she did.

Our Agent was about to introduce Kondonkle to a whole new world. He'd never see highsec or EVE Online the same way again. Maybe then he'd have a reason to stick around.

Despite investing several months into the game, Kondonkle didn't even know where he was: Code country.

The rebels accuse gankers of "griefing" EVE players. Frankly, our Agents don't have time to grief. They're too busy teaching people how to play the game.

Everyone should know the rule: Never fly a ship you can't afford to lose. And if you don't intend to obey the Code, never fly a ship, period.

Agent Slutzilla challenged Kondonkle on his claim of being "new": If he was really new, he should be running rookie missions. I like the way Slutzilla thinks. Anyone who gets caught doing something other than running a rookie mission can't claim protected status.

The miner was only getting more frustrated and impatient. Clearly, Slutzilla wasn't getting through to him. Could our Agent think of a way to retain Kondonkle's subscription and bring him into compliance with the Code?

To be continued...


  1. This is awesome, great work agent Slutzilla!

    Praise James! \o/

    1. "I like the way Slutzilla thinks."

      my life is complete. praise James!

  2. Wow just wow antiganking is still failing hard nonstop daily

  3. Happy New Year! Supreme Protector! 2019 is going to be the best year ever!

  4. First hour into the New Year (EVE Time) and the New Order has already killed 20 ships.

    Praise James 315 ﷺ \o/


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