Monday, December 9, 2013

The Accidental Permit Holder

It is said that fortune favors the bold. I believe it. How else to explain the luck of the New Order? Our Agents are the boldest, most fortunate people in highsec.

Agent Sara Arran has a long history of enforcing the Code. She believes highsec can be saved. Her supreme confidence in the New Order's final victory is continually rewarded.

As Sara proudly surveyed the fruits of her labor in the Balle system, rebel miner Vladimierr scoffed. There's a skunk at every garden party.

Vladimierr has the same fears as so many other rebel miners. They've watched the profound transformation of highsec over the past year and a half, and it makes them nervous about their future.

Now it was fellow rebel Hank Budsprout's turn to speak up. He condemned the Knights of the Order for being "dishonourable". Sara maintained a professional demeanor as always.

Rebels get rowdy. That's to be expected. But the thing about rebel miners is, they're like walking, talking comeuppance magnets. It's only a matter of time.

Hank warned Sara that one day she would be ashamed of the part she played in the New Order. Unlikely. I've never met an Agent of the New Order who looked upon their Code-enforcement actions with anything other than pride and gratification.

These days, rebels complain about the terms of the Code almost as often as they threaten to use the terms of the EULA against us. With thousands of miners being punished and rewarded based on the Code, it's the law in highsec in a very real way. Vladimierr insisted that he should be able to spend 20 seconds "messing with his cat" at a moment's notice. He didn't want to have to wait to dock up, for some reason.

Vladimierr was as bitter and jaded as you'd expect a carebear to be. He saw lies and EULA violations everywhere. He couldn't understand that an Agent of the New Order is the one person in the system you can trust completely.

Hank was getting angrier and angrier. At last, he couldn't stand it anymore. It was time to unleash his master plan and have vengeance upon Sara Arran!

Like I said, fortune favors the bold. Also, a fool and his money are soon parted.

Hank begged his mortal enemy to return the money. It was too late, as Sara earmarked the isk for the purchase of additional cats. Not the kind of cat that you mess with for 20 seconds while mining; the kind of "cat" that you kill miners with.

For the next decade, Hank will be a licensed miner. However, his license could be revoked if he fails to abide by the Code. Let's hope that never happens. Because if there's one thing we've all learned, it's that the New Order always wins.


  1. The people featured in these posts disgust me to the core with their half-assed rationalizations of why they are right and the code is wrong. The fact that they can't recognize the value of emergent gameplay is only the start. I can't believe they are so ignorant to think that they have some inalienable right to play the way they do, and that enforcers of the code do not have the same right. Knowing that these people apply the same thought process to the real world disgusts me beyond just being an eve player but also as a human being.

    So thank you James, as well as the enforcers of the code, for your professionalism in the face of such frustrating adversity, which is an inspiration both in game and in life.

  2. That's pure gold right there .....

    - Guybertini

    1. Uhhh, can I have the money back?


    2. While neodymium and other rare earths metals are used in the production of the finest regular magnets, you are correct that gold is preferred when comeuppance magnets -- such as Hank Budsprout -- are belched out into highsec. Thank goodness for the tireless efforts of James and the New Order to reforge these base and disgusting miners into something better.

  3. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieDecember 9, 2013 at 10:10 PM

    "He couldn't understand that an Agent of the New Order is the one person in the system you can trust completely."

    What happens if theres two agents in system though?

    More seriously I hope that guy follows the code. He did pre-pay for long enough!

  4. So much win.
    with all these cat references, we need reika.
    Hank's cat will be jealous...Hank has 10 lives now! Im sure he will lose them all as quickly as he lost his 100m isk though.

  5. Best thing I've read on the Internet today.

  6. The irony here is that Hank Budsprout almost a year ago wardecced my small highsec industrial alliance with his corp in hopes of killing the same defenseless miners and carebears he now appears to represent. Glad to see he hasn't become any smarter.

    They lost the war and nearly 3B isk to a group that had no PvP experience at all, and he's the main reason I left the alliance after the war to start my own corp for small-gang PvP in NPC null, giving up on the boring path of highsec industry.

    Never stop entertaining Hank.

  7. I have to admit that Hank is quite the idiot. Beyond that though, this is nothing more than the same daily drivel that shows the New Order as being nothing more than a handful of kids who are afraid of real combat. It's not all their fault. Society rewards mediocrity and James is the king of the mediocre.

    1. But at least he's the king of something... Many would aspire to being king of something, anything.

    2. "handful of kids who are afraid of real combat."

      Are you not afraid of real combat? Do you, daily, engage in real kill or be killed combat, in the real world, towards which you have zero fear and its inevitable eventual result in your own death, is something you welcome with open arms? If yes, you are clinically insane, and so your comments here are valueless. If no, then your hypocritical comments refute themselves.

    3. Being the Saviour of High Sec is literally the opposite of being mediocre.

  8. Per usual, the person throwing around insults like "dimwhits" manages to make numerous errors of spelling, grammar and logic. Thank goodness the New Order is doing all it can to purge highsec of these angry carebears.

  9. I have to admit that Hank is quite the idiot. Beyond that though, this is nothing more than the same daily drivel that shows the Crybaby Miners as being nothing more than a handful of kids who are afraid of responsibility for their actions. It's not all their fault. Society rewards mediocrity but at least James is willing to take a stand against that.

  10. Hank Bud Sprout should stop drinking while playing EVE and stop arguing with measly opponents. He should realize his true potential in the game and instead of chatting up a storm with strangers he should plan to use his connections and skills to dominate in order to benefit and help. (People stick to powerful leaders that are kind)


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