Another in the endless list of virtues possessed by the Agents of the New Order: They answer your questions promptly.
Within seconds of asking why she was being bumped, highsec miner Lara Daluge was given an answer in the form of a shiny new lossmail. Her question was answered, but Lara's curiosity only grew from there.
Lara stewed. A bot-aspirant disconnected from her isk feeding trough, she didn't know what to do. After an hour of thinking, she got an idea. She would place a small bounty on the NEW ORDER DEATH DEALERS corp.
xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, CEO of the corp, gave her a polite thank-you note. Lara escalated the situation by dropping the "B"-bomb. It's a good thing I debunked the "bully" theory. This will enhance so many future conversations with gank recipients.
A 10 million isk permit would've saved Lara Daluge a lot of trouble. She claimed to be a new player who didn't know anything, but at the same time, she had already made up her mind about the permits being useless. How does that work? xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 gently reminded Lara of her responsibilities under the Code.
The miners of highsec offer a powerful argument in favor of "nature" in the "nature vs. nurture" debate. Despite not having socialized with one another, they still instinctively gravitate toward Miner Bingo catchphrases. It's astonishing.
But the New Order isn't in the business of studying the carebear nature. We're here to change it, to build a better miner. xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 encouraged Lara to transcend her programming. He was rewarded with more excuses. Without waiting for xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 to respond, Lara fulminated in two more EVEmails:
There are a few items of note in these EVEmails. First, it's interesting how quickly new carebears adopt the "nerf highsec PvP" talking points (CCP is losing players, etc.). How comforting it must be for CCP; even people who have just started playing EVE are so concerned about their financial well-being. Second, Lara cited "40+ witnesses" to prove that harassment was occurring. In the New Order, the testimony of just one Agent is required to prove something--that's how trustworthy we are. In carebearland, they need 40 or more people to establish a fact. The hope is that at least one of the 40 players was at their keyboard at the time.
Finally, Lara Daluge bestowed upon xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 a new title. I'm known as the Father of the New Order; Lara calls xxBLACK the "father of bully and scams".
The Father of Bully and Scams wrote back, hoping to clear up the confusion. He invoked my name, which is like the nuclear option for dealing with carebears. Would Lara put aside her criminal past?
One of the fascinating things about the anti-bullying movement is how dependent the anti-bullying crusaders are upon the use of profanity, name-calling, and death fantasies.
When petitioners don't like the response they get from GMs, they appeal to senior GMs. When carebears don't like the response they get from an Agent, they appeal to me. With a few choice words, Lara communicated her desire to restore civility and kindness to highsec. This was followed by one of my favorite nonsensical exchanges with a miner of all time:
...So much for defusing the situation. But rest assured, as long as people like Lara Daluge mine in highsec, the New Order will be there, too.