Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Daluge of Tears

Another in the endless list of virtues possessed by the Agents of the New Order: They answer your questions promptly.


Within seconds of asking why she was being bumped, highsec miner Lara Daluge was given an answer in the form of a shiny new lossmail. Her question was answered, but Lara's curiosity only grew from there.


Lara stewed. A bot-aspirant disconnected from her isk feeding trough, she didn't know what to do. After an hour of thinking, she got an idea. She would place a small bounty on the NEW ORDER DEATH DEALERS corp.


xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, CEO of the corp, gave her a polite thank-you note. Lara escalated the situation by dropping the "B"-bomb. It's a good thing I debunked the "bully" theory. This will enhance so many future conversations with gank recipients.


A 10 million isk permit would've saved Lara Daluge a lot of trouble. She claimed to be a new player who didn't know anything, but at the same time, she had already made up her mind about the permits being useless. How does that work? xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 gently reminded Lara of her responsibilities under the Code.


The miners of highsec offer a powerful argument in favor of "nature" in the "nature vs. nurture" debate. Despite not having socialized with one another, they still instinctively gravitate toward Miner Bingo catchphrases. It's astonishing.


But the New Order isn't in the business of studying the carebear nature. We're here to change it, to build a better miner. xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 encouraged Lara to transcend her programming. He was rewarded with more excuses. Without waiting for xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 to respond, Lara fulminated in two more EVEmails:


There are a few items of note in these EVEmails. First, it's interesting how quickly new carebears adopt the "nerf highsec PvP" talking points (CCP is losing players, etc.). How comforting it must be for CCP; even people who have just started playing EVE are so concerned about their financial well-being. Second, Lara cited "40+ witnesses" to prove that harassment was occurring. In the New Order, the testimony of just one Agent is required to prove something--that's how trustworthy we are. In carebearland, they need 40 or more people to establish a fact. The hope is that at least one of the 40 players was at their keyboard at the time.

Finally, Lara Daluge bestowed upon xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 a new title. I'm known as the Father of the New Order; Lara calls xxBLACK the "father of bully and scams".


The Father of Bully and Scams wrote back, hoping to clear up the confusion. He invoked my name, which is like the nuclear option for dealing with carebears. Would Lara put aside her criminal past?


One of the fascinating things about the anti-bullying movement is how dependent the anti-bullying crusaders are upon the use of profanity, name-calling, and death fantasies.


When petitioners don't like the response they get from GMs, they appeal to senior GMs. When carebears don't like the response they get from an Agent, they appeal to me. With a few choice words, Lara communicated her desire to restore civility and kindness to highsec. This was followed by one of my favorite nonsensical exchanges with a miner of all time:


...So much for defusing the situation. But rest assured, as long as people like Lara Daluge mine in highsec, the New Order will be there, too.

36 comments:

  1. I love the gradual ramp up of carebear rage with every successive email. That finale is pure comedy Gold!!

    - Guybertini

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  2. The final mail--that's rock bottom. That is as low as you can get while playing a video game, admitting complete impotency. Lara needs to come to terms with her position at the bottom of the foodchain and take steps to correct it. This could be a pivotal moment in her Eve playing career. Here's to hoping she can turn it all around.

    Or at least buy a permit.

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  3. You're just a bully James. No matter what you think. It's not a ban worthy offense, or a petition worthy offense, but you are a bully. You harass and inhibit other players in the "safe" part of EVE, demand ransom, murder, and spew annoying, insulting, and unpleasantly arrogant things to those who are playing the game a different way than you. If you ever venture outside your ring or drones, you'll find that few like you, and many more hate you.
    Fuck you and your cult
    Molon Labe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your perception is rather skewed. It is obvious that James and the Code empowers and liberates the repressed unwashed carebear masses from their boring existence. That is quite the opposite of bullying. Safety in EvE is an illusion, and to believe otherwise is to deny reality.

      -EasyKill

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    2. Don't bot, and you have very little to worry from the New Order. Why is that so hard to understand?

      Delete
    3. Where is this "safe" part of EVE? I am not familiar with any systems where PvP cannot occur.

      Delete
    4. @Anon 11:05,

      It is called "High Security" space, not "Complete Security" space. Therefore, it is implied that since it is not "Complete Security", there is some small level of risk. This is a PvP sandbox game, which YOU CHOOSE to play knowing full well that there is NO safe place in Eve, except docked in a station. This is the whole point of the CODE! To let the sandbox be a sandbox for ALL who play!

      When you mine, you KNOW that there is a risk of getting blown up in an asteroid or ice belt. CCP DESIGNED it this way. No free lunches, no special treatment. Anytime you undock, whether in a pod, frigate, miner or battleship, you do so with the understanding that there is somebody somewhere that wants to blow something up, and you might be next. It is the nature of the game!

      When I undock in a Fleet PvP Sniper Naga, I take the risk of getting tackled and blasted at short range, for which I have no defense. When I undock in a Solo PvP Blaster Talos, I take a risk that I may stumble on a small gang of frigs that can get under my guns, destroy my drones, and melt me. It happens. People in ships get blown up in a ship-blowing-up multi-player game. Look at how Eve is advertised. Do you see CCP-published trailers showing a ship sitting still in a field targetting rocks for 3 hours? Nope! Explosions, fleets, missiles, cannons, drones, battleships, frigates, dogfights...

      The game revolves around combat. There are other things to do, but everything you can do revolves around combat. You mine. That ore gets processed and turned into ships and modules. These ships and modules are used to blow up other ships and modules. There is an article about a miner that built ships out of the ore they mined, and got blown up by one of those ships! Every profession and skill all comes back to combat.

      It sucks when you lose in combat, or anything in life, but Eve is a game and it does happen. (Except to James 315 and his Invincible Stabber). The sooner you realize this game is about space combat, the sooner you will (hopefully) stop getting mad when one of your ships explodes.

      Delete
  4. Have you ever been so bad at a game that you petitioned the game creators to change the rules so you didn't suck? Yeah, me either.

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    Replies
    1. Have you ever so bad at EVE that you pay to ram ships into ships because you follow the word of some moron on the internet hold a grudge against the most harmless player demographic in the game and then turn around and call it "Elite PVP"?
      I am not that bad at EVE, but you all sure are
      I am no, but you guys sure are tha

      Delete
    2. Asteroid Preservation ExpertDecember 20, 2013 at 1:02 AM

      I think you'll find good sir, that miners are an incredibly destructive force in EvE. Each day, hundreds of miners fly to asteroid belts with the sole intention of decimating those belts for profit. If this untold destruction continues unchecked, these ancient places will soon be no more.

      Thus it falls to the brave men & women of the New Order to police the belts & ensure that only sustainable harvesting is carried out. Each day they face torrents of abuse from the greedy, profit-driven carebears, but still they stand unwavering in their defense of the belts.

      I suggest you support the Order in it's work for if they don't protect the 'roids, who will?

      Delete
    3. Nobody... because the asteroids are regenerated everyday... idiot

      Delete
    4. Helping you despite yourself.December 20, 2013 at 2:49 AM

      So you're saying you approve of someone killing you in real life, because your soul would be reborn into a new body? You need professional help, son.

      Delete
    5. Why are you such a jerk to everyone? I mean what you say is hurtful, not in my way of dismissing you all as shit players, but you condescension and high-horse attitude are just.... insulting. The way you "name" your posts, the way you talk down to everyone. If you really wanted to save high sec, even though it doesn't need saving, maybe you should be a little more humble and decent.
      And no I'm not claiming I am nice, in fact I hate you fuckers and don't want to be nice, but I don't go after the person behind the keyboard in the way you do. And this is coming from one asshole to another.
      And no, you misunderstood what I replied on. Nobody needs to save the roids because they are replenished everyday, so your claim is false.
      Molon Labe

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    6. Almost every day a new post goes up involving some angry carebear wishing RL death upon an Agent. But continue on about how we are the only ones who go after the person behind the keyboard. Please, indulge me.

      And where the hell does this 'elite pvp' straw man argument keep coming from? I have never seen that claimed even once.

      -EasyKill

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  5. "Nobody... because the asteroids are regenerated everyday... idiot"

    Your pilot is regenerated too, you get a new clone after you are podded. Same goes for your ship, you can always buy a new one after it explodes.

    So, by your own logic, ganking is perfectly OK too, since it also targets things that regenerate.

    I am so glad we are on the same page. I feel like we've made a breakthrough here. It is usually so difficult to find something that miners and gankers both agree on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. False, your clone isn't regenerated. Your clone is grown, from biomass. Now you could argue asteroids are grown too... but in the time of their existence in the game they are mostly past that as a major stage in solar system development. The resources in the asteroids are regenerated/refilled/replenished because EVE is a game, and not reality, which are you blurring the lines between the two and probably should go outside a little more then.
      Oh and I'm not a miner, I do PI, you people are just hate-able to the umpteenth degree that I want to fight back against your cult

      Delete
    2. Oh god, the irony... it burns!

      - Accuses others of blurring lines between game and reality.

      - Then launches a tirade detailing how clones are grown from biomass and the role of asteroids in solar system evolution, as if they are real things and not just some numbers in Eve's database.

      Priceless. :)

      Delete
    3. You see after you lose the argument, you go after the arguer. Common CODE practice

      Delete
    4. More Irony, Same BurningDecember 20, 2013 at 8:04 PM

      'You see after you lose the argument, you go after the arguer. Common CODE practice"

      That post is literally you doing what it accuses CODE of doing.

      Hilarious :)

      Delete
    5. Where did you see me go after the arguer? I deconstructed an obvious logical contradiction in your comment. Does that count as going after the arguer now?

      The fact remains that your argument about asteroids being regenerated holds no water. Asteroids, clones, pods, ships are all just numbers in some database that get regenerated/respawned in the same way: by incrementing a number in some database record. There is no difference.

      Therefore, if it is OK to shoot your mining lasers at asteroids because they are regenerated, then it is just as OK to shoot at ships and pods because they are regenerated too.

      Delete
  6. Asteroid Preservation ExpertDecember 20, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    The Asteroid Preservation Society has actually obtained evidence recently that the asteroids will spawn smaller & smaller until eventually nothing is left. This is why they need preserving by using responsible and sustainable farming methods. We are encouraging all citizens to take a stand against irresponsible mining & either stop it yourself or report incidents to your nearest New Order Agent.

    If all citizens stand united, we can surely stop this needless, greed driven destruction of the galaxies treasures & future generations will be able to enjoy them as we have!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I find it funny that the righteous ganker remains calm and sociable where as the gankee (villainous miner) goes completly batshit crazy and starts spewing nonsense

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  8. Dat blog post title!
    I cant wait for Part 2 !!!

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  9. Wow a new player standing up against new order? She must have balls of steel @@

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  10. Nice tear farming guys!
    Why wont miners just pay the mining license and stop whinning? You get to afk or bot mine with protection from new order like the rest of us! New order is covered by ccp to let miners with mining license and their members mine safely in highsec. Pay your license fee today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wrong, afk/bot mine and you will lose your permit and be exploded, read the code.

      Delete
    2. yes yes sshh we dun want to let the cat out of the bag *winks*

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    3. I was given this link after paying for my license http://www.tinyminer.com/ he said it was the safest bot to use

      Delete
    4. I was suspicious at first but after this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V4g79UQuSg i got the message haha

      Delete
    5. spammy troll is spammy

      Delete
  11. Spam Tutor -> let's do the isk dance together! you mine that asteroid i mine the other with tiny miner!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How about I blow up one of your bots and CCP bans the other?

      Delete
    2. i dun understand i paid 10 million isk for mining license and was given that link and allowed to bot mine by you guys who are employed by ccp. Why are you so hostile even though i paid for my mining license and was given the link by one of you? Was i supposed to keep the bot mining part a secret that ccp allows you guys to do?

      Delete
    3. ...bored. If you're going to have storytime, be more interesting.

      Delete
    4. when petitions don't work, resort to hilarious attempts like this

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    5. Harassment (/həˈræsmənt/ or /ˈhærəsmənt/) covers a wide range of behaviours of an offensive nature. It is commonly understood as behaviour intended to disturb or upset, and it is characteristically repetitive. In the legal sense, it is intentional behaviour which is found threatening or disturbing.

      Delete

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