Monday, June 23, 2014

Absolved Victory, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Damned Defeat, an inauspiciously-named highsec mining corporation, was subjected to an audit by the New Order Spai Agency. Our Agents joined the corp and were shocked by the miners' indifference to the Code, so they started killing everybody.


While CEO JTClone Ares was busy re-watching Godzilla at a movie theater, his corp members' mining op was awoxed. Our heroes stomped on the carebears and poured out destruction upon them--much like Godzilla, in fact.


Agents Jerry Rin and McRibwich vonBlueRibbon GuitarSolo were baffled by the miners' willingness to schedule a mining op just hours after the day's previous awox session. An Orca and other miners were counted among the dead. Then the miners huddled in a station and awaited their CEO's return from the movie theater. When JTClone Ares came back to EVE and heard the news, he sent out a blistering EVEmail to everyone in Damned Defeat.


Because his corp had been awoxed, the CEO felt it was time to show his cards. JTClone Ares' long-term plans for Damned Defeat were quite extensive. Here's a summary of how he envisioned the corp's future:

1. Build corp-building supplies.
2. Wardec "noob corps and alliances".
3. Move to lowsec for dreadnought and carrier warfare.
4. Move to NPC nullsec to build titans and supercarriers.
5. Roams and massive nullsec wars.
6. "Kick some serious assholes who do nothing but pick on noobs".

Interestingly, step #6 demonstrates JTClone's distaste for those who pick on noobs. Yet step #2 reveals that he planned to pick on noobs.


In just a few days, Damned Defeat had signed up quite a few new players who'd been sold on the carebear lifestyle. JTClone Ares had much bigger plans for them. But then came the New Order Spai Agency's audit and all the attacks. Did this jeopardize JTClone Ares' plans?


Kinda, yeah. JTClone Ares didn't know how to deal with awoxers. He felt he had no choice but to negotiate with them. Luckily, a compromise was reached. Agent McRibwich was granted all 1,000 shares of Damned Defeat stock. He immediately called for a shareholder vote to determine the new CEO of the corp. All 1,000 votes were cast for Agent Jerry Rin.


As is usually the case when a new CEO takes over, the corp underwent some restructuring. Jerry decided to streamline the corp by eliminating redundancies. To begin with, all of the bot-aspirants had to go. This resulted in the immediate termination of nearly everyone in the corp. JTClone Ares and CaptAristotle were permitted to stay onboard in subordinate positions.


It turned out that Damned Defeat's new CEO was a man of deep convictions. Jerry was unashamed to declare his support for the New Order and adopt the Code as the supreme authority of Damned Defeat. Jerry was ready to take the corp in an exciting new direction. Of course, now the old CEO had to be told. An Agent of the New Order was dispatched to speak with JTClone on TeamSpeak.

SoundCloud: Former CEO of Damned Defeat hears the news
(Note: This recording is unedited and contains long stretches of silence. You'll need to fast-forward to the content.)

During the conference, JTClone Ares was informed of the changes to his former corp and given some frank criticism of his leadership skills. He was also asked how he felt about his new role in the corp. Sadly, it would seem that JTClone was too stuck in the old ways of highsec to embrace the future.


JTClone decided not to stay with Damned Defeat. He issued an EVEmail to the corp announcing his intention to quit EVE forever.


JTClone tendered his resignation and went off to parts unknown. He started off with great dreams of wardeccing noobs and attacking those who wardec noobs. Now he was a broken man.


To be sure, the New Order won an extraordinary victory that day. They weren't the only winners, though. Everyone who was kicked out of Damned Defeat got the opportunity to find a better corp--one where the players play EVE instead of AFK mining. That's as big a victory as any.

37 comments:

  1. Wait...so he had planned out his entire rise over 3 years before even starting the corp?

    And you can build supers in npc null?

    And wardec himself?

    I don't even.....

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    1. Einstein Podolsky Rosen TutorJune 23, 2014 at 10:55 PM

      Truly impressive is the fact that he planned to implement a 3 year plan while only playing EVE for 7 months. That is some serious time wizardry.

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    2. Totally forgot to mention that part!

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  2. CCP investors will make the game more carebear friendly. Sorry CODE. But money wins arguments and CCP needs to grow. you are living the last months of pvp highsec.

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    1. Keep dreaming.

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    2. Actually, he's right. CCP isn't doing too well financially. I wonder how many canceled subscriptions are due to ganking by CODE.

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    3. That's funny, because CCP... isn't publicly available. These shareholders that you so hope will protect your bot-aspirancy, do not exist.

      This is the length that Carebears go to, to protect their toxic gameplay. They blame CCP's financial disarray on the CODE and not their own mismanagement of over ambitious projects and unculled staff expansions.

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    4. http://www.ccpgames.com/media/47894/ccp_hf_financial_statements_december_31_2013.pdf

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    5. I bet that for every player who quits because of CODE, ten new players join. Ask around what lures people to EVE, what makes them want to try it. You will hear about the great battles and thefts, stories about great conflicts and the freedom to enact them. AFK mining, not so much.

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  3. 19:05 in the Soundcloud he comes out with "I like the graphics and I like the storyline" Since when did Eve have any kind of story progression? Eves a sandbox, when are these people gonna learn that what that means is that any kind of content in the game that isn't the dull -go here, kill x waves of baddies/mine x amount of ore, profit- is generated by the players.
    The New Order creates content, it promotes contact with other human beings, it saves people from staring at make believe asteroids all day long (or not as the case usually is) just to make some pretend money. If your not playing this game because you enjoy it and its just become a chore to you then your playing it WRONG.
    The New Order saves people from all of this. And because CODE players have more fun... we always win!
    Well done to the NSA guys for this victory, and praise James 315 for bringing fun to highsec, for he truly is saving it.

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    Replies
    1. EVE does have a base plotline and great lore stories

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  4. LOL CODE. war bride

    Wait...didn't the SoundCloud recordings used to be 100% torture free? Ripard Teg shall hear of this!!!

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  5. "War Bride" reminds me of that show OZ where the AB prisoners would take effeminate men and make them wear makeup and dress like women.

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  6. Right here is when I hit the floor laughing so hard my wife had to check on me. I knew what was coming next.

    "Luckily, a compromise was reached. Agent McRibwich was granted all 1,000 shares of Damned Defeat stock."

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  7. So, yeah, new and untrained characters.. right. Aside from isoboxing 5+ "new and untrained" characters you're going to have to be training skills like everyone else. A fully gank Catalyst used to require AWU 5 and HWR 5, among many, many other skills to 5. Even after the changes pretty sure you still need like AWU 3-4 iirc.

    And, "mining vessels can't defend themselves", cause who thinks of any sort of tank whatsoever when purchasing a ship that's almost quarter of a billion isk? I mean, who does that??

    It's probably for the better this guy left. It's too bad he didn't actually attempt to try and learn more about the game and his mistakes.. and idk stuff about game mechanics, but odds are he would have misled newbros anyway.

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  8. Cross-referencing his member list with my corp's rejected applications reveals that most of his members were likely spais (or irredeemable shitlers) - not just the ones mentioned in the article :).

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  9. That is such a huge difference between Eve and every other MMO. In every themepark MMO you are the hero of the story. Intellectually you might understand that every other player is doing the same quests as you and leveling up the same. But emotionally, you are the baddest mo-fo in all the land and nothing can stop your rise to Top-Wizard-Mama-Jama, Darth-Destroyer-Of-Worlds, or Captian-Kill-All-Your-Ships-Have-Sex-With-Your-Women.

    In Eve you can rise to become The Mitanni. But it won't be because the game lead you there. It will be because you worked for it. And even if you work super duper hard, you might just end up an F1 button pusher in a Goon pet alliance.

    Eve isn't like any other game any where. Thinking it is is what turns seemingly reasonable people into psychotics.

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  10. I'm totally an F1 button pusher in a Goon pet alliance....

    Long live mittens!

    ~handypantz

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    Replies
    1. Some could convincingly argue that this is true for everyone who plays Eve and isn't The Mittani.

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  11. I've had the pleasure of wardecking JT when he was the CEO of a previous corporation. He took money from his corp's wallet to buy himself a ship and we slaughtered his guys while he stayed docked for the most part. His guys were recruiting during the wardeck and we slipped people in. After the war was done we waited a month and messaged him again. We convinced them to come down to our lowsec pocket and mine because we were unable to travel in high sec. We once again killed them off with their orca. After this slight altercation JT gave his supplies to a blue of ours to transport it out of lowsec in a contract with no collateral.

    We figured after all this maybe he would of learned his lesson and not badmouthed a group much larger and experienced then his own. Sadly we were wrong and a week later we had to dec him again this time we put in some implications that he must step down as CEO and pay to be left alone.

    You have no idea how happy it has made me to see these two articals on minerbumping.com and I hope you keep up the good work.

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  12. A great power shall rise up to defeat the New Order. One man to unite them all. The day of reckoning is coming...

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    Replies
    1. this vague threat doesn't sound very credible

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    2. The New Order is always under threat... next year. Save the predictions of doom until 'someday' is actually 'now'.

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    3. The rebels will call in their powerful friends from nullsec?

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    4. I'd like to see that happen. Preferably in my lifetime, so be a good sport and hurry.

      Much obliged,

      DrTyler

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    5. You cannot rush greatness. But soon.

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    6. It's almost 2015 and 6 months later still no sign. When will this great leader arise?

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  13. Honestly, that recording bothered me. I'm used to New Order agents always making a concerted effort to be the good guys -- being polite, professional, and friendly in every instance.

    That recording had a different tone: The taunts, the gb2wow comments, the repeated reminders that the former CEO would be remembered as a "war bride" (implying that a New Order agent had raped someone). I hope this doesn't set any new precedents for how highsec is ruled...

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    1. Gotta agree. The article was funny, but the sound recording definitely got personal. There was way too much talk about JT as a person outside of EvE ("go play WoW", etc). The CODE agent speaking is arrogant and condescending. It seemed to go beyond roleplaying. I've been impressed to see CODE talk in Local and always keep a professional demeanor no matter how much hate is spewed at them. This kind of cancels out that image.

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    2. As a CODE fan, I also expect a professional and polite attitude at all times from Agents.

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    3. As a CODE fan, I too expect a professional and polite attitude from Agents at all times.

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  14. Lol. The obtuse Ero 1 agent Bay Xi wishes he could get a voice transplant. Worst voice in Eve.

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  15. Regular reader of James 315 and he has given me many laugh-out-loud moments, not least with his irony and messiah complex. However, I agree with Anon 5:28. The TNO guy in this recording sounds like an arrogant, condescending bell-end... The other recording on that same site has Jerry Rin interrupting and saying "shut up" like some uptight adolescent whilst DJ Overt attempts to mediate... Both fulfil the stereo-type of gamer nerd, with below average social skills, let alone having a concept of irony or humour. If you recorded this to embarrass the over-reaching JT then you succeeded, but you also expose yourself as being a bit of sanctimonious prick. That being said, keep it up James despite the droll company demonstrated here.

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    Replies
    1. "lol u mad"

      Now that's original. Clearly an ironclad defense of his childish behavior.

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    2. Haaaaaa. C'mon Bao Xi? Called out on your own propaganda site and you've got a bag for your own defense. Now get back to your parent's basement where you live, lolz. Awesome stuff.

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  16. Yup, this 100%. His in game character name is "Bao Xi" if you remember from the Sokhar recording. He was the one getting his kicks off upsetting the wife and asking about her lol. Needs that interaction with females through teamspeak since he has none IRL, lolz.

    ReplyDelete

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