Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Carebear Essayists

Sometimes it feels like carebears are all the same. They look the same, act the same, and even say all the same things--see Miner Bingo. This general truth obscures the fact that if you look very closely, you can find evidence of remarkable diversity among the carebears. Fun fact: No two miner tears are exactly the same.

Many carebears are blunt and straight to the point. They cannot stand to write more than a few words. Those few words are all they know.

...Others write essays. The carebear essayists are a rare breed, and they don't get as much attention. It's easier to get through a dozen succinct tearmails than to slog through the longer ones. Today, we pause to appreciate the carebear essayists and see what they have to offer.

The first essay comes from Elgorand Narcalen. Like so many others, Elgorand compares the New Order to something. The New Order and its Code have been compared to many works of fiction, and I believe this is the first "Lord of Light" comparison, even if it appears obvious to Elgorand. A better analogy might be the Night's Watch, brave warriors who come from all over to selflessly stand guard over the civilized world, protecting humanity from the bot-aspirants--or whatever.

Elogrand spoils the novelty of his theme by jumping directly to the tired Nazi comparison. We can also instantly see Elgorand is a liar, since true outlaws cannot cloak in highsec.

Interestingly, this person claims to have fought in nullsec all the way back in the days of the Band of Brothers alliance. If true, why become a highsec miner now? Another "new player" for the carebear apologists to protect, I suppose. Ironically, the essay concludes with an invitation for me to go back to nullsec.

Speaking of "new players", our next essay comes from Jennella. One of the ways highsec miners like to recast themselves as helpless newbies is to say they're new because they recently re-joined EVE. Jennella is actually a 2009 character--just another new player with over four and a half years under her belt, not counting breaks. She hasn't quite made it out of highsec yet. Still building up cash reserves, no doubt. Lowsec must be so expensive. I bet everyone who lives there is rich.

You'd be surprised how many carebears try to argue the Code to me. Protip: Don't bother--I practically wrote the darned thing! Jennella swears she wasn't botting, but she declines to address the charge of bot-aspirancy that was leveled against her.

True to form, the carebear quantifies her priceless encounter with an Agent by putting an isk price tag on it. And at the very moment when she hopes I'm considering giving her reimbursement, she confesses that she was mining without a permit. Whoops! I bet the GMs wish it were so easy for them to deny reimbursement petitions: "I lost my ship due to a bug. The logs show nothing because I never had the ship to begin with. Please reimburse me anyway."

Our final essay comes from Mirahann Kilaszoul, and it's a doozy. See if you can count how many ridiculous excuses are contained in the first paragraph alone. Most miners pick one excuse and stick to it, while Mirahann takes the "spray and pray" approach. My favorite is the one about how all the miners looked AFK only because they simultaneously needed to retarget their asteroids.

...Then comes every carebear's favorite argument: "Save CCP from bankruptcy by protecting the newbies from being driven out of the game!" Since when did the New Order and its Code "cripple the ongoing development of this game"? Maybe if it weren't for the New Order, CCP could spend its money developing EVE, but because of us, they only have money for side projects like Dust 514 and World of Darkness and a monument with my name on it.* Also, Mirahann says "ongoing development" as if EVE is just getting started. The game's been around for more than 10 years now. On the other hand, if a 2009 character is a "new player", then EVE could be considered a new game.

* The monument will also include the names of the other EVE players.

Mirahann insists that all of highsec is a "new player zone". (Someone ought to tell this to the people who actually live in highsec, because most of them are as old as dirt.) Mirahann further argues that the New Order is single-handedly keeping EVE a "low population game". You would be amazed how many highsec carebears believe this. I wonder how many subscribers and how much money they think CCP needs before it's safe to start ganking again. How many players does EVE need before shooting spaceships in highsec becomes okay? A million? Five million? A hundred million? How many players does it take, carebears?


  1. James hasn't killed or been killed since 2012. What does that make him? A PvP quitter?

    Someone who feels safe and warm in a station instead of out in battle with the troops he implores to fight for highsec? How sad that someone who can only contribute a running commentary on others faults and foibles sits in a station to compose delusional blog postings that exaggerate the size and abilities of his army of children; those who think ganking is 'real' PvP.

    1. Anon, why don't you put your characters name up when making a statement. James is busy running the new order.

    2. I think you'll find the full name, which is the New Order of Highsec, would clear up any presumptions about such concepts.

      ---Friendly Neighborhood Scoundrel

      P.S: What does SHMF mean, I'm intrigued.

    3. Whoops, I replied to the wrong comment, derp.

    4. No problem Alistair, your heart was in the right place in supporting the new order

    5. I guess you're not aware of James' ganking alt, Currin Trading.

    6. In eve its kill or be killed. Prepare against all scenarios Anon.

    7. I guess you aren't aware that James is a Master PvPer. He hasn't had a death since 2012 because he is unkillable. What? Did you think he was elected Supreme Protector solely based on his good looks?

    8. Well I have heard it said that he's stunningly handsome.

  2. Last time I checked, the National Socialist Party doesnt sound anything like the New Order of High Sec.

    But I could be wrong.


  3. I must say, I recently re-subscribed to EVE when I heard about the New Order. Carebear apologists be damned!

  4. James, I would like to point out you misread the last image quote.

    He was saying that ganking in all of highsec, will push veterans into the new player systems that gankers are generally not allowed to gank in and they'll take all the ore, so new players can't get into industry.

    That was his point. He was not referring to highsec as a new player zone.

  5. But the propaganda is the same, different names, different times, but same propaganda and techniques are the same...but you CLOWNS are too goofus to see that...

  6. hello pot meet kettle.

    seven page articles on goon pravda is not essay?

    just realised that the with the glow the in the background of your avatar, the sun really does shine out your own rear.

  7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Order

    I thought we were named after an English rock band.


    Or maybe the American one. Who knows really.

  8. Mirahann Kilaszoul:

    "I wasn't AFK!

    I was just on the phone... and not paying attention to local or my ship...
    and I was in corp managment...

    and flossing..."

  9. Here you go Malcom Shinhwa & EasyKill, read and learn what you are a part of


  10. Dear Anonymous March 19, 2014 at 7:40 AM,

    Silly bear! Never fear my friend, the New Order of Highsec is here to help you out of the darkness of ignorance and into the light of knowledge and freedom, read and learn:


    Don't feel bad about your ignorance, just purchase some New Order shares and take the time to send James 315 a personal apology, you'll feel right as rain in no time!

  11. Silly lemming! This site is much more aligned with the link I posted. Here it is again as it appears you may have missed it:


    Maybe you should read it and alleviate your own ignorance rather than blindly stabbing in the dark at others?

    It's OK to be ignorant, providing you subsequently educate yourself. You should try it some time Fawn Tailor!

  12. Dear Anonymous March 19, 2014 at 12:45 PM,

    Your claim is that the use of the term "New Order" implies Nazism, you have offered no other logic. You are thereby inferring that FDR was a Nazi.

    I can't help but take issue with your specious claim and I'm pretty sure that history will back me up on this.

    "We, alive today – not in the existent democracies alone, but also among the populations of the smaller nations already overrun – are thinking in the larger terms of the maintenance of the "New Order" to which we have been accustomed, and in which we intend to continue."

    President Franklin D. Roosevelt's Armistice Day Address Before the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
    November 11, 1940

  13. As much as I enjoy reading the "Yeah huh-Nuh uh" exchange going on here, it is getting boring.

    @Anonymous March 19, 2014 at 12:45 PM: I have read through your link, and it betrays you at the summary, as the New Order of Europe had aims of exterminating groups considered inferior, the New Order of Highsec wishes to help those that don't want to participate in EVE content, to actually enjoy the content, not to mention accentuating one of EVE's selling points of player-created content.

    We aren't purposefully going to drive other players out of the game, that is their choice, one we can't make for them. And yes I know that seems random, but I will explain by equating it in this situation with the extermination the Neuordnung refers to.

    You should know that in the EVE PvP food chain, the miners and mission runners are effectively at the bottom as they are flying ships that (in the case of barges) can fit very effective tanks, they also cannot fit as powerful offensive modules or require different fittings that aren't effective in PvP at all. During war, it is their job to make sure resource collection keeps going while keeping themselves safe with the tools given them.

    Plus, do you see the New Order of Highsec imprisoning any miners, no? We only interrupt their mining cycles so that it makes it unprofitable for them to continue with the interference if they don't adapt. We don't force them to follow our rules, they are completely free to find their own way to get around the NO. That is exactly what EVE is about, Player Group A starts aggressing Player Group B, and Group B finds a way within the mechanics of the game to counter Group A.

    Unfortunately many miners would prefer to go to CCP for a perceived but nonexistant exploit. And I am not sure you know this, but there are New Order aligned corps that do mining to supply NO with all the ships and tools they need.

    This really is a tired comparison, stop beating the incorrect horse, I think it's dead. If you wish to counter these arguments, please use specific examples.

  14. Dearest Fawn Tailor

    I have not said the term "New Order" implies Nazism. You just said that. Then you defeated your own argument. Excellent work! But alas, futile and irrelevant. You will unfortunately have to understand what the word "context" means. You'll also have to read my link, read your link and then use rational logic and reasoning to see which is closer to the reality of EvE's NO. If you could possibly do this in an unbiased way, you'll arrive at what I was getting at.

  15. Alistair, the guy thinks FDR was a Nazi, I'm not sure your patient reasoning and well thought out arguments are appropriate here.

  16. @ Alistair DrakeMarch 19, 2014 at 1:40 PM

    You got me. The NO haven't imprisoned anyone, so their chosen name has absolutely nothing to do with Neuordnung. Yup, that's about as conclusive as it gets.


  17. Now he seems to be suggesting that Charles Thomson was somehow a Nazi.

    You know, the more I hear about this Hitler guy, and particularly in light of his time travelling propensities as implied by Anon, the more convinced I am that getting rid of him was the right thing to do.

  18. My dear Fawn Tailor

    I'm concerned. You appear to be delirious to the point of absolute insanity, reality being just a mere hint of a distant memory to you. Please seek help.

    Of course, maybe you're just pleading insanity in the hope that it validates who you are and your Neuordnung based organization that you have chosen to be a part of. Not even the Führer himself stooped as low as to pretend to be insane.

  19. Anonymous March 19, 2014 at 3:09 PM wrote: "Not even the Führer himself stooped as low as to pretend to be insane."

    Please, keep writing.

  20. Madam Fawn Tailor

    I would, but you've failed at providing any sort of rational or logical counter to the point I made, so there's not much I can do about that, Also I'll be wanting to avoid any sort of social osmosis.

    Love always,

  21. I think you might be right Fawn. But it was the SHMF that said that NO was aligned with Nazism by stating that NO was named after the political movement. I don't know if dear Anonymous is the same person.

    Anonymous, Hitler didn't have to pretend to be insane, he really was insane. Then again if you count the (failed) plan to try to make him more effeminate to discredit him, then maybe it wasn't just him that was utterly mad.

    And the only reason New Order as a term has any context at all was because of the propaganda that it earned a spot in Western media and thus the stigma. Not to mention, it could just as easily be based on Emperor Palpatine's New Order from Star Wars, how come that's never brought up?

  22. Alistair, I know, it's kind of hard to keep track whey they hide behind anonymity, so let's recap:

    SHMFMarch 18, 2014 at 10:13 PM
    Well if you didn't name yourselves after the Nazi political order, maybe people wouldn't think you were aligning yourselves with Nazism.

    AnonymousMarch 19, 2014 at 7:40 AM
    Here you go Malcom Shinhwa & EasyKill, read and learn what you are a part of (Malcolm and Easy responded to SHFM's claim)

    AnonymousMarch 19, 2014 at 2:06 PM
    The NO haven't imprisoned anyone, so their chosen name has absolutely nothing to do with Neuordnung

    It could be that we're dealing with multiple personalities, or, multiple personalities. Let's face it, when you tell someone to keep writing and they refuse, in writing, it's clear that you're not dealing with an average intellect.

    Then there's the bit where you had to explain to them that Hitler was, actually, insane. I think this means the internet is broken now, or something.

    Just wait till the Dan Brown in our midst finds out that legal tender in the US has "New Order" stamped on it, mind ... blown.

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