Monday, March 3, 2014

Jetliner Bumping, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping...


Fate wove together the destinies of the most talked-about isk doubler in Jita and her fiercest critic. After repeatedly calling Erotica 1 a scammer, sohkar decided to give her some isk to double. Pleasantly surprised by the results, sohkar went in for a third round of doubling and was escorted into the Bonus Room.
Channel Name > Erotica 1's Glory Hole
Erotica 1 > sohkar welcome
Erotica 1 > and congratulations
Erotica 1 > you are the 100th client today
Erotica 1 > you won a bonus round, nice job!
sohkar > ok
Fates and destinies are fine things, but so is free will. Like all of Erotica's customers, sohkar voluntarily took it upon himself to give her money and to participate in the bonus round.
Erotica 1 > to get started, all we need is a full account api (all characters, all categories checked, no espiration)
sohkar > so wait is there a chance i lose my money
Erotica 1 > not if you show me full faith
Scorpion Venom1 > sohkar not if you show full faith
sohkar > why couldnt i just my 3bil and be on my way
Erotica 1 > if you were 98th or 99th you would
Erotica 1 > but you were 100th so you won a bonus round
Erotica 1 > this is good
Erotica 1 > trust me
sohkar understood that he risked losing his money in the bonus round. However, he was confident that he could demonstrate total faith in Erotica. That way, he could win lots of isk and not spend another five years running missions in highsec.
Erotica 1 > please join us in teamspeak
sohkar > i will have to download it
Erotica 1 > that is fine, ensure it is ts3
Erotica 1 > quick download and install
Erotica 1 > sohkar how are things coming along?
Erotica 1 > sohkar did you faint from excitement?
sohkar > trying to figure out how to put the sound in my headset
Erotica 1 > plug it in
Erotica 1 > it comes out the ear pieces
As with all bonus rounds, Erotica invited the player to join her on a TeamSpeak channel hosted by the Belligerent Undesirables community. This was all new to sohkar, but he dove in headfirst.
[ 06:34:39 ] Tear Jar > Do you have Contracts 1?
[ 06:47:25 ] Bao Xi > http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html
[ 07:10:07 ] Erotica 1 > in ts
[ 07:10:10 ] Erotica 1 > reading code
[ 07:36:14 ] Bao Xi > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olga_of_Kiev
[ 08:09:27 ] RlgorMortls > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1uU3Hk9nXw
[ 08:09:57 ] sohkar > hit the wrong button when i was looking it up and got exited out
Over the course of the following hours, most of the action took place on TeamSpeak, rather than in the group chat. Because bonus rounds tend to be quite lengthy, documenting them requires a hero willing to record (and usually edit) hours of audio.


Luckily, such a hero was on hand. Agent Kalorned recorded the bonus round and uploaded it to SoundCloud. The recording comes out to more than two hours of audio. Kalorned did the EVE community an additional favor by adding a series of timestamped comments on the SoundCloud page so it's much easier to follow along:

Sohkar's Bonus Round on SoundCloud

And here's the comments page, which can be opened in a separate tab so you can refer to the timestamps and use them as a guide.

The bonus round went according to the usual procedures. sohkar became acquainted with Erotica and her assistants, was made aware of the recording, and gave his permission for the audio to be hosted on an EVE fansite. Then sohkar began the process of transferring all of his in-game assets to Erotica 1's escrow agents by contracts. Afterward, sohkar was instructed to read the full text of the Code aloud. (It always amazes me how long that takes; it looks like such a quick read in text.)

As is customary, sohkar also read the Wikipedia page of Olga of Kiev--a timely request indeed! sohkar's faith in Erotica showed signs of giving way, especially when he was told to sing some songs, even though everyone who's listened to a bonus round knows of the musical component. Things started to get a little ugly. Despite reading the Code and its strict rules about the use of profanity, sohkar was tempted beyond his ability to resist.

In my experience, once someone decides to excuse himself from his responsibilities under the Code, the situation rapidly deteriorates. This was certainly true of sohkar's bonus round. Much to the chagrin of Erotica and her assistants--who, it must be said, remained professional throughout--sohkar doubled-down on his Code-violating use of profanity.

Another lesson that can be taken away from this particular bonus round is the importance of choosing one's spouse wisely. The best matches are those in which the partners' strengths and weaknesses complement one other. Unfortunately, judging by the recording, sohkar's wife tended to bring out the worst in sohkar. Rather than being a moderating influence and calming him down, she added her own threats and insults into an already toxic mix. sohkar abruptly left TeamSpeak.
sohkar > fuck you thanks for fucking scamming me you piece of fucking shits
Scorpion Venom1 > i would like to stress that i put my full faith in erotica 1, and i never had written rules
Erotica 1 > sohkar ts please
sohkar > fuck you
Erotica 1 > calm down
Erotica 1 > join us in ts
sohkar > thanks for scamming me out of my money u really are the scum of fucking eve
Erotica 1 > calm down and you can still win
Erotica 1 > dont let yourself lose
sohkar > i dont have time for 10 songs i have to go to bed in 15mins
Erotica had invested a lot of time and energy into the bonus round, and she wasn't keen on seeing it end on such a negative note. She took the almost unprecedented step of offering to forgive sohkar's Code violations in exchange for 15 minutes worth of singing:
Erotica 1 > ok lets see what we can do in 15 mins
Erotica 1 > I trust you can focus for 15 mins
sohkar > i want an agreement in 15mins i get my money
sohkar > i want it in writtening that in 15mins i get my money
Erotica 1 > sohkar wait
Erotica 1 > that was a misunderstanding
Erotica 1 > come on back, calm down
sohkar > no i done fuck it i am not sing shit
sohkar > i dont wnat the money
Nicotine Patch > common guys let it be some ok songs
Erotica 1 > we will pick some masculine songs
sohkar > i going to bed soon and i am not singing ur damn songs
Erotica 1 > cmon relax
Erotica 1 > have some fun
sohkar > no
Just 15 minutes away from victory, sohkar chose to quit the bonus round. Having rejoined TeamSpeak, sohkar was asked to sing the song "Queer" by "Garbage". He adamantly refused to sing any "gay stuff".
Erotica 1 > stop being a baby
sohkar > yeah being a baby ur right i was upset and said things i didnt mean but ur scum and taking my shit
sohkar > because u guys are scum and do not have my premission to use a recording of my voice in anything and if u do i will sue u for using shit without my premission
Erotica 1 > lets calm down
sohkar > fuck your calm down
Erotica 1 > we have your permission
Erotica 1 > many times
Erotica 1 > right now you are too emotional
Erotica 1 > we have you calming agreeing
sohkar > no i am not doing ru shit
The recording was over. sohkar insisted he needed to get at least some sleep before he went to work directing air traffic. All hope seemed lost. But Erotica 1 was determined to see this man get his isk doubled.

To be continued...

22 comments:

  1. Yep, saw this one coming, and I didn't even have to listen to the recording beforehand.

    ---Friendly Neighborhood Scoundrel

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't imagine the reality or lack of reality that people like Mr. and Mrs. Sohkar live in. This soundcloud is amazing. Kudos to our agents for maintaining their cool in the face of such violent outbursts and insane threats from Mrs. "Liam Neeson" Sohkar.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh. My. Goodness. Erotica 1 and her cohorts have set a new highscore on the internet.

    The quote of the decade is no longer "He can run where he is highest when he picks STRAWBERRY". It is now "SHOW ME THE WULES".

    The runner-up would be "If you could just take a step back... take a deep breath..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The morning after this recording was an unsafe day to fly the friendly skies.

      Delete
  4. The best part is that there appears to be a part 3 coming...

    ReplyDelete
  5. What I kept thinking during the freakout....

    http://i.imgur.com/ZlL9Ayd.png

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://m.memegenerator.net/instance/46746898

      Delete
  6. Fuckin' welfare wecepients. Lmao. Not sure I'd have the stomach for this level of grief play, but I will tell you this: Absolutely no sympathy for any moron who willingly contracts his shit over to complete strangers in Eve. You get EXACTLY what you deserve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I fow one wish these clients would stop gweefing Ewotica 1 & Fwends. It would be fitting if the next winnah was a gay Afwican Wussian Amawacan on welfaw.

      Delete
  7. sounds like daniel jackson grew up

    ReplyDelete
  8. Listened to recording, collapsed into hysterical laughter.
    +1. would listen again..:)

    -------Mike Adoulin

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was wondering why the guy kept shouting "Show me the wolves!" all the time. I thought it was some new internet meme I didn't know about. Only now have I realised from one of the comments above he was on about rules :) Pissing myself laughing here :)
    Show me the wolves!
    Show me the wolves!
    SHOW ME THE FUCKING WOLVES MOTHERFUCKS!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Greedy people get what they deserve. The only people that get scammed are greedy, lazy players looking to 'get rich quick' rather than earn isk through any of the dozen or so career paths in Eve. I've played for years, never been scammed because I don't think like a bot.
    Trying to magically double your isk is just another form of bot-aspirancy. At least AFK miners still 'earn' their isk by undocking a ship- but people like Mr Speech Impediment in this story can't even be bothered to do that much.
    Look at the time and effort put into getting FREE isk- far more than this idiot was willing to put into Eve itself.

    ReplyDelete
  11. We don't know what she is capable of.

    ReplyDelete
  12. i wonder if you guys speak to him later on? and he is a air traffic controller? man i hope he doesnt yell at real pilots like that. SHOW ME YOUR SQUAWK CODE MOTHERFUCKER

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you meant to say "SHOW ME YOUR SQUAWK COWD MOTHERFUCKER"

      Delete
    2. There is no way a man can direct planes without being able to pronounce R's. Turn white not left! Land at ailpore. No, stop, you'll cwash, I said ailpore mothafucka!

      Delete
    3. Have you ever heard the JFK control tower guys freak out on people? Very funny!

      But, yeah no way he is a air traffic controller, but he does say he lives in Russia soo who knows what their standards are.. He most likely directs ground traffic for some airliner at a commercial airport.

      Delete
  13. I fucking love this site.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You packed well a sociopath behavior on your post .
    Are you sure that you are not a robot ? If you are not ... maybe you need to look on the mirror .

    ReplyDelete

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