Thursday, March 20, 2014

Never Judge a Carebear by Its Cover

By virtue of its ownership of highsec, the New Order is a global power.

Miner tears come in all languages. A fairly recent addition to the EVE universe, Japanese carebears typically write their tears in the form of philosophical poetry.
What I want to say
Although Yaro did have to attack when I dug into common
Carelessness? I was away in front of the PC?
Do not say that selfish
Thief ferocious

If you do you can not do Japanese anyway
Do not come to send messages.
Or try to even translate this content?

The French bot-aspirant has a unique style, as well, full of charm and romance.

you and your alliance pirate can always go nicely ... you do ...

but keep it organizes = D

Ps: not very brave to tackle the minors!

she is beautiful piracy ^ ^

And then, of course, there are the Russians...
Fuck you asshole for dick!

On occasion, a miner will speak in broken English. Now, I'm no "grammar Nazi"--the New Order is about as far from Nazism as it gets--but sometimes the English is so badly broken that it's impossible to understand.

An illegal miner named PROZGENII ALYaBIEW lost his fail-fit Retriever during a routine compliance review of the Madirmilire system. The Agent in charge, Shizuka Mena, sent him a nice note to let him know how to avoid ganks by following the law.

Our hero received a curious response. How should we interpret this message?

At first glance, it's obvious: A Russian bot-aspirant tried to translate his reply and it got garbled. Happens all the time.

Almost a half hour later, the miner drafted a follow-up reply, since he hadn't heard back. On second glance, it's even more obvious that PROZGENII is using a bad Russian-to-English translator: The use of the word "creature" gives it away. This would be the point where carebear apologists and critics of the New Order would accuse us of persecuting people for their nationality.

Shizuka had pity on the miner. Identifying him as a Russian, the Agent attempted to make arrangements for a better translation.

Surprise! It wasn't a translation problem at all. PROZGENII is no Russian--why, he's as English as Big Ben, cricket, and crumpets!

Just another life lesson for all you MinerBumping readers out there. First impressions can be misleading. If you give a carebear the benefit of the doubt, you're doing him a kindness. Carebears are almost always in worse shape than they appear at the surface. Roll up your sleeves, highsec, there's a lot of work to be done.


  1. Oh James, what are we going to do with our wayward child? A child who's depth of thought and perception is limited by the length of his nose. A child who baths in his own selfish ambitions for assholery. In the end, assholery is all that you have.

    To everyone else, let's have a look at James 315's asshole, shall we?

    This post was brought to you by the proud members of Carebears United, an EvE Online(tm) Corporation.

    1. we don't want to see your selfie pics, that's what facebook is for

    2. looks like the carebears united website could use some work

    3. OMG, was that your face?

      recommend stop looking in the mirror. It'll give you a better outlook on life.

    4. You know, I'm not the type of person to question what delusions a person has about owning something he actually cannot. Batshit crazy he might be, but you gotta give him credit for adding some spark in the game, something we haven't seen since Hulkageddon went 24/7/365 (*yawn*)

      He's welcome to come to Abudban any time. I personally am interested in seeing how he or his agents does things.

    5. Thank you all for making this quality troll from Carebears United a success.

      And now, for something completely different. This is why you should never warp a fleet to zero.

      And here's some very interesting educational content about my favorite word. Enjoy.

    6. You didn't use the word "quality" properly.

  2. Freak

    down with the bears, long live the code!

    1. So much Carebear anger...

      I tried negotiating with someone using google translator... didn't work so well...
      Anyway, I have found out that they are usually saying something about my mother.

  3. I usually give James shit on this board but I actually enjoyed this post so here is a haiku for the New Order to enjoy:

    will stay strong ships met
    a carebear weeps in my ears
    glowing ship madness

  4. "Пошел (иди) на хер" in Russian means "get on the cock", i.e. be a victim of anal rape. Same for "пошел (иди) на хуй". The more you know...

    1. The closest English counterpart of this expression is "Fuck you!" - so yes, your explanation is valid.

  5. The machine translation of the French one is a bit off:

    you and your alliance of pirates can go ahead and gently... fuck yourselves...
    but keep at it, we're organizing =D
    Ps: it isn't very brave to attack miners!
    piracy is a beautiful thing ^^

  6. I made minerbumping! Well that's my 15 minutes of eve fame used up.

    I do always find it strange that explaining to people what they did wrong and how to avoid it as in the future usually leads to tears in highsec and a new friend everywhere else. The bot-aspirant mind is strange.


  7. Ah, ze New Order, trying to stop The Borg killing one drone at the time. Don't you realize miners get money for a mining-barge in ~2 hours of afk mining?

    Probably 9 in 10 miners don't even give a dam about loosing the ship. They probably even have a bot that goes and takes the new freaking ship and gets back mining.

    1. If a miner treats getting tanked as part of doing business they have a non-compliant but much healthier attitude to eve than the miners that produce these kinds of tears. The simple fact is that most of them do care and that is why you get rl death threats and local will fill with rage for losing a few hours of 'game play' rewards.

      if they truly are botting to that level however then that is just all the more reason for the new order to step up it's game and gank even more... It is also where bumping comes i to it's own as you can prevent them from warping anywhere and cut off that income.


    2. Anonymous 1:27

      It's not about the Ship. It's never about the Ship. It's about ze Isk. Always. Miners rage because they've lost x hours' Isk-making opportunity.

      Even the trip to drop off the wretched ore is a chore to them. As soon as they've done it, back to the same spot to start all over again.

      And, of course, the sullied pride..


  8. hahahahaha waitwaitwaitwait.... you think putting a bounty on someone actually does something?


    Gotta love Ameri Kinn. Loses 3 ships in 6 months of playing. Two of those to Bing. But ALL of them in Kino. Hey, dufus, pay Bing or gtfo of Kino! But no, he's off to save us from the terrible menace of climate change. I hope this means he's out on his front porch with crate of aerosol cans, because I'm freezing my giblets off here.

    1. Wait.. wth.. I read the kb wrong.. he's lost 2 ships.. 2 freakin' ships and its time to quit. Wow.. good job Bing, you saved this guy a bunch of subscription fees for a game he was never going to get the hang of anyway.


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