Saturday, March 1, 2014

Jetliner Bumping, Part 1

If you're an EVE rock star, chances are you've received an EVEmail like this:

Periodically, someone will send me and a bunch of other people an EVEmail out of the blue, proclaiming their excitement at being selected for one of Erotica 1's bonus rounds. Admittedly, there does seem to be a bit of a "hostage video" tone in many of these EVEmails, but not everyone is as used to writing stuff about EVE as I am. One of the many things I've learned from writing hundreds of MinerBumping posts is that sometimes you need to spice things up by using a narrative device. For example, opening a story with an unnecessary flashback.

sohkar > evening all
Morwenna Dian > local so much nicer when u block the doublers
Morwenna Dian > alledged doublers*
sohkar > what they dont double my money
Erotica 1 > Eve's favorite isk doubler putting out like crazy, see bio. Minimum 50m initial investment due to overwhelming demand, limit 3 investments per player. Paid for by those who fail at reading rules in bio. No bs. No scam. No charity.
sohkar > damn Erotica 1 was on before i to work scam and she still on
sohkar entered Jita and said hello to everyone in local. sohkar was interested in a friendly conversation, but Jita can be an impersonal place. Many go there for business reasons and nothing more. Among the Jita professionals: Erotica 1. sohkar cursed her never-ending scamming.
Erotica 1 > Bing Bangboom sent 450m I sent 900m
Erotica 1 > sohkar o/
sohkar > dont say hi to me
sohkar > i just wish they got rid of all the scammers
sohkar > i bet we would get a bigger player base is scamming wasnt allowed
sohkar, like so many other carebears, wants to rid EVE of scamming. It's not that he's afraid he'll fall for one of those scams himself--he just wants to help increase CCP's profit margins by inflating the number of players. (Because naturally, when you play a video game, your main concern is that the video game company makes a lot of money.) sohkar despised Erotica 1 so much that he forbade her from saying hello to him in local.
sohkar > but the problem is people think they can get something for nothing
sohkar > and i do block more scammers but new ones always pop up
sohkar > erotica 1 is a good scammer she atleast talks back sometimes
Erotica 1 > I cant stand scamming botters
sohkar > but ur a scammer ur saying
Erotica 1 > I dont scam
sohkar > u keep telling urself that
To be sure, sohkar had his prejudices. Yet it is characteristic of isk-doublers that they tend to be people-pleasers. Erotica assured sohkar that she wasn't a bot or a scammer.
sohkar > actually i read ur whole thing and it sounds like every other scam
Erotica 1 > sohkar yet you have not played and simply assume
sohkar > because i like my isk and have little of it so not goign to waste it on that
Erotica 1 > sohkar you have to actually read my bio silly
sohkar > i have
sohkar > i do know how to read
They say opposites attract. Erotica was a world-famous doubler, and sohkar hated doublers. Could the two put aside their differences and find a way to connect, even in the cynical, work-comes-first environment of Jita?

Of course there's little suspense here, because we started off with that EVEmail sohkar wrote during his bonus round. We know that no matter how far apart they started, the fates of sohkar and Erotica 1 were intertwined.
BlasterMcPewPew Virpio > Erotica 1 39 billion bounty?
BlasterMcPewPew Virpio > Wow you must REALLY piss people off
Erotica 1 > I ask all satisfied clients tip my bounty
Erotica 1 > so as you can see, many people are happy
Erotica 1 > Spine Ripper sent 1b I sent 3b
sohkar > and all i have is ur word of that is what happens
sohkar > Erotica 1 i atleast like that u do ur own work
sohkar > so Erotica 1 ur bio doesnt tell me what i have to put in the reason i am giving u the money
After thinking things over for a surprisingly short period of time, sohkar's attitude toward Erotica changed. He was willing to go out on a limb and send Erotica a sum of 50 million isk. He still hated doublers, but this one seemed different somehow.
Erotica 1 > sohkar sent 50m I sent 100m
Erotica 1 > sohkar sent 200m I sent 400m
sohkar > ok Erotica 1 i am sorry i called u a scammer
sohkar > Erotica 1 is actually legit
BlasterMcPewPew Virpio > sohkar No, no he's not.
sohkar > acutally he is
Testekula > sohkar u suck balls
Erotica was true to her word. She doubled sohkar's 50 million isk and then doubled the 200 million isk he sent after that. sohkar became one of Erotica's most ardent supporters in local.
sohkar > i told you just have to read the rules she the first legit one i seen
Ailmond > Why the fuck are there so many scams in local around jita? Why aren't they all getting banned?
sohkar > she is really legit if u can read i wouldnt lie
sohkar > and she isnt a lazy botter is does it herself
sohkar > so Erotica 1 how long do i have to make my 3 investment
Erotica 1 > forever
Erotica 1 > but limit 3 forever too lol
sohkar > Erotica 1 there i came up with the funds for my 3 investment
Now sohkar had a taste for doubling. According to Erotica's rules, he was allowed one more complimentary doubling. It was time for the big payday.

As Erotica 1's 100th client of the cycle, sohkar was quickly ushered into her bonus room in lieu of a third doubling. It was a golden opportunity for sohkar. He had the chance to become a big winner. However, as a zealous follower of the Code, Erotica 1 runs a Code-compliant bonus room. (This shouldn't come as any surprise, since Jita is the capital of highsec, which is New Order country.) sohkar would be tested. If he proved faithful, he would be showered with riches. But if he violated the Code... The other thing would happen.

To be continued...


  1. Must.Listen. To. Round.


    ----Mike Adoulin

  2. Yeah, I'm sure this will have a VERY unexpected outcome.

    Erotica 1 is a scammer. Anyone with half a brain knows this. But stupidity runs rampant among capsuleers, which is how he gets away with it.

    1. She/he is a smart scammer though. Doesn't just spam jita and absorb all the incoming isk, but is very cunning in dealing with it.

      I give points for ingenuity alone.

      However, you don't have to read too hard to see how her various scams work so.. meh, if someone with hundreds millions of isk can't take half hour to do some googling then screw it, I say all power to her.

    2. It's an honest isk doubling business. Isk was indeed doubled several times. When it was as easy as sending isk and receiving it back- all was fine and Sohkar could have walked away with a fattened wallet for no effort. It was only when even the slightest amount of effort or rule-following was required that he lost his isk.
      But Erotica1 doubles isk constantly, as even Sohkar sang her praises in local after actually getting isk doubled a couple times. Not a scam if you get you isk doubled, also not a scam if you gamble money on a game show and lose.

  3. Say, the ordinarily extremely high quality of the writing around here is dipping with these cliffhanger posts. It's more responsible to just post nothing for a day and do a big post every other day. I know James 315 takes pride in his writing, so wanted to express this opinion.

    1. I disagree, anon. Minerbumping brightens my day each and every day. This blog is a one man tour de force of goodposting. Its quality is only matched by its consistency. To my recollection, not a day has been missed since I started reading in late 2012. No sense in breaking that streak now!

    2. Cliffhanger posts?

      If you don't know the outcome of this one already you need to go back and read the entire blog again from the beginning. That or just go listen to the audio. There's a link on Eve-O.

    3. Yeah, can't say I disagree, even I can see where this is going to go and I'm rather oblivious sometimes.

      ---Friendly Neighborhood Scoundrel

  4. I truly enjoy reading this blog. It's like Jerry Springer; one of those shows you watch to make you feel better about yourself.

  5. Oh man, Sohkar. I've heard this soundcloud and good lord....It's one of the most entertaining EVE audio files that ever existed.

    1. Post link pls?

    2. Search for it yourself, the satisfaction of finding it will make it even more tastier. Not that it isn't uber-tasty already...

    3. Hi Anonymous, this appears to be it (haven't run it yet):

      It takes a little while to settle down audio-wise.

      Happy Listening!


    4. It's more fun to let James tell the story, don't spoil it! I can't wait to see what happens... hopefully the client shows faith and wins... or the other thing...

    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    6. 'It's more fun to let James tell the story, don't spoil it!'

      As adults, we're used to taking decisions after considering all the information we have to hand. We're not compelled to take one course or the other.

      What draws us back to this site again and again is not a boring list of Kill Reports, or bald extracts from convos. It is James 315's skill in compressing, linking and commenting on his basic material. His flourishes, his personal touch.

      Some of those Agents (and others) who have been the subject of his attention well know how he lends to them an aura, a charisma which they might struggle otherwise to manufacture. He is able to put them, as it were, Centre-Stage.

      Listen to the audio file, or don't listen to it. Up to you. It's probably entertaining, but James 315 will make of it something really special.


    7. Oh...



      Erotica 1 deserves a community spotlight for this!

      Pure gold, pure fucking gold

    8. I'm going to wait for Part 2 before listening. But the link is *right there*, just begging to be clicked!

  6. I must apologise to the saviour... I have listened to the audio.
    I am very much looking forward to how he writes it! :)

  7. The New Order has always deserved a community spotlight. This should clench it. How do we submit it?

  8. PLEASE post part 2 soon! I'm on pins and needles over here wondering what happens next.

  9. Kinda felt sorry for this poor guy until he spouting all the racial crap towards the end. I understand words slip in the heat of the moment but DAMN dude....CHILL!
    --Order Supporter

  10. By the end of the recording, my whole family was sitting around the computer, listening to the rants and rage of Sohkar and all the while wondering about his mental state. Enough Said. Hail James 315


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