Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Highsec for One

Just another day in highsec. Agent handypantz discovered a miner taking the gamble of a lifetime, mining without a permit in highsec--in an untanked Hulk.

Then, an hour later, another miner down. There was no connection between the two miners. Or was there?

handypantz heard nothing from the dead miners. Suddenly, more than half a day later, one of them reacted. I've heard of people going AFK and returning to a dead mining barge, but this is ridiculous. AFK for at least fifteen hours? How can a carebear expect to grind isk while being AFK for fifteen hours? Ah, that's right--they make bot macros for that.

Then, a few minutes later, the other miner also chimed in, using similar insults. Either those two miners were sharing a lot of quality time together IRL, or they were alts of the same botter.

Agent handypantz followed-up with the angry miner(s). Instead of trading insults, he gave them an incredible opportunity for mutually beneficial commerce. What a guy.

Carebears are not like normal people. They don't think like us. In fact, they sometimes think in reverse. Frost Zero conceded that he and his alts lost 350 million isk. The permit was only 10 million. Normal people would say, "I should spend the 10 million." The carebear reached the opposite conclusion, apparently finding it to be a hilariously bad deal.

As for the Russian remark, Google says:

"I will say in Russian - Fuck pidaras!"

This is unsatisfying. What's a pidara? When Google fails, comes to the rescue:

Now we know. You learn something new in highsec every day. Nevertheless, I won't be buying any "pidaras" mugs or shirts any time soon.

handypantz is an Agent of the New Order. He is a representative of the government of highsec, as well as a representative of normal people. He explained the economically rational conclusion that Frost Zero would've reached, if not for his bot-aspirancy.

With the basic math having been done for him, Frost Zero needed to come up with some alternative reason not to do the right thing. The answer: "Principle". For a botter, Frost Zero had high moral standards for the people he was willing to pay isk.

"HiSek for all" indeed. If everyone goes AFK for fifteen-hour stretches, and nobody's actually playing the game, wouldn't that be "HiSek for none"? Allow me to suggest an alternative: Highsec for one. One Order, one Code, one Saviour of Highsec. One people, united in their common mission.

Two days later, another miner:

Just another day in highsec. An Agent's work is never done.


  1.'s getting stale Jimbo.

    1. Indeed. One day the carebears will do something original. I like those days.

    2. link your more entertaining blog then

    3. Or write something entertaining in the comments. Or on the forums.

    4. Dear Anon @ 12:13, and yet you still visit ....

      - Guybertini

    5. So many tears, so easy.
      I will no longer gather my tears by mining excessively in CODE.'s face while they try and fail to do anything about it.
      I will now post incredibly unoriginal, simple comments on and watch the legion of tears flow my way for almost 0 effort on my part.

      Griefer tears.... not the best tears but pretty damn good!

    6. See, this is what internet conversations have receeded to.

      Y U MAD BRO?
      NO Y U MAD?
      NO YOURS.

      We are all dead inside.

  2. its hard to get original responses from carebears, remeber they are one step away from becoming bots. That explains why they always repeat the same lines of code.

  3. UrbanDictionary is a great repository of wisdom - it ranks among the greatest scholarly works of mankind. For example, when I look up the definition for 'neckbeard', the first thing I find is:

    "2. (n) Derogatory term for slovenly nerdy people who have no sense of hygene or grooming. Often related to hobbies such as card gaming, video gaming, anime, et. al.

    Ex: If this party is full of f*cking neckbeards, I'm out. I've got better things to do than sit around with a bunch of unwashed nerds."


  4. I think botting is pretty cool! Nobody gets bent out of shape about mining upgrades in the game, what is botting but the ultimate mining upgrade!? The Chinese server has bots galore, and they're fine! In fact they are doing better than we are, they just had the biggest battle in EVE history! Marinate on that!

    1. No they didn't.

    2. As you can see from this handy chart, B-R5RB was actually larger. The fact that prices are higher on the Chinese server due to runaway inflation caused by bots makes battles there look bigger, to ignorant people who don't correct for inflation.

    3. And there you have it! Bots cause MORE FUN per isk!

      Long Live Botting!

    4. Its a good thing James 315 is keeping bots down!

      We wouldn't want FUN INFLATION!

  5. James 315 needs to save the Chinese carebears from their soul crushing ways.

  6. This was probably the funniest post I have ever read on this blog.

    "Either those two miners were sharing a lot of quality time together IRL[...]"

    "You learn something new in highsec every day. Nevertheless, I won't be buying any "pidaras" mugs or shirts any time soon."


    -Azov R

  7. Isn't the phrase "Fuck fags" homophobic in nature, and as such a breach of the TOS & EULA.

    It certainly doesn't bode well for the mental well being of the player. This guy resorted to homophobic comments without spending several hours singing songs or handing over all of their assets.

  8. I knew calling CODE. members "abnormal" for the past month or two would have it's effect! That is now twice James' has made a point to mention that CODE. members are in fact the normal ones. I won't waste more of anyone's time here so here's my TL;DR is this: CODE. tears are glorious and I had no idea I could actually get to their heads. Yay!

    1. Hmm, part of my post is in fact a bigger contradiction than this blog even.
      I have now accomplished two great feats.

  9. High sec is a sad, miserable place. I've had the misfortune of entering the Mining public chat channel. It honestly made me question whether this rabble was even worth saving! But endure we must, in the name of the CODE and the Savior of High Sec.
    While unlike teary eyed miners, we try not to draw conclusions about the player behind the toon, based on what the toon does in a need spend only a few minutes in the company of care bears to learn that, by far, the topic they spend the most energy crafting images in their heads of- is violent gay sex, usually (and paradoxically) combined with militant homophobia.
    That is, when one of them isn't just spamming an all caps tirade with the verbs spelled incorrectly, as endlessly and brainlessly as they mine asteroids.


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