Monday, April 14, 2014

Who You Gonna Call? Part 1

Highsec can be a chaotic place. No matter how much someone may wish to be a "solo" player, EVE is an MMO. Players interact with each other. Sometimes, unfortunate things happen, somebody's gotta deal with it, and you who gonna call?


Emergent gameplay happened to Taylor Who, a Retriever pilot who was mining ice without a permit in New Order territory. When his barge exploded, he convo'ed the ganker, Agent Nu'adu.


Taylor wanted answers. He came to the right person. Nu'adu is one of our most experienced Agents. He knows the ins and outs of highsec, and was intimately familiar with the reasons why Taylor's ship exploded.


...that would be the sound of a carebear losing an argument. If you claim there's no law in highsec, and someone links you a website with a bunch of highsec laws--what other comeback can you have besides "wtf man"?


Taylor Who claimed to be new. That's great. The New Order loves new players. We even have the word "new" in our name. But Taylor wasn't exactly making a great first impression with his illegal mining and "choke on a dick and die" comments. Still, you know me--whenever someone says they're a new player, I always have to look them up.


Taylor's story checked out. He'd only been playing the game a bit less than a month before he lost his first barge. Granted, I lost my first ratting ship in lowsec within my first week of playing. Still, at least Taylor wasn't a 2009 character or something claiming to be brand-new. While perusing Taylor's profile, I noticed something odd. He was in a mercenary corporation. His title was "Merc". What kind of mercenary spends his time mining ice in highsec?


The corp in question was the Grey Wolves Mercenary Corporation. The description said precious little about the mercenary services they provide, but it went into great detail about what a "wolve" is. A "true Wolve is imbued with Strength, Honor, Wisdom, Loyalty, and Courage." Sounds like the description of a New Order Agent. However, the corp description claimed that they were combat medics, support fleets, and supply chains. So... They're carebears who call themselves mercenaries?


The founder of Grey Wolves Mercenary Corporation is Niles Grey, whose bio helpfully includes the number for an American suicide prevention hotline. Is that because his mercenaries drive their enemies to suicide, or because his corp members get so upset when they lose a mining barge?


Taylor is one of those highsec miners who claims to be something other than a miner. The manner in which he speaks gives him away.


Taylor hadn't made use of his corp founder's preferred suicide prevention hotline. He had convo'ed the Agent who killed him. Now Agent Nu'adu presented him with another option: To contact the New Order Complaints Department.


The foul-mouthed carebear jumped at the chance to file a complaint about abusive activity. Was he going to report himself?


Taylor was in luck. Agent Pestario Vargas was manning the complaint desk that evening. If anyone was going to give Taylor a fair shake, it was Pestario, a man who loves the New Order and guards its reputation jealously. When it comes to Code enforcement, he makes sure every "t" is crossed and every "i" dotted. One way or another, justice would be done this day.

To be continued...

25 comments:

  1. The New Order, an organization that functions smoother that a Swiss watch.

    - Guybertini

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even a broken watch tells the time right twice a day.

      Delete
    2. New Order support desk>CCP support desk. \o/

      -ZK-

      Delete
  2. Thankfully, the new Order watch isn't broken. They diligently patrol HiSec routing out the bot-aspirants.

    New Eden salute you, Agents!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Again, I read this; then I walked away and I couldn't read it any more. WTF is up with this site James!? It should be mobile.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You mean like the "of Many" corp which I was told by Sasha was too big to go after?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://gate.eveonline.com/Corporation/Fise%20Corp

      Delete
    2. What an ironic corp to link due to some of the details of this article... you are sick "the Dude."

      Delete
  5. I wonder if the NO has a technical helpdesk as well? I wish to apply.

    Miner: HElp, I CanNOT!
    Me: Sir and/or madame, did you force an unexpected reboot?
    Miner: !@K%JL !!!
    Me: Seems you keyboard is stuck. Has it been sat upon?
    Miner: *various choking noises*
    Me: Ah, I see. It sounds serious. Alt+f4 should do the trick.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieApril 14, 2014 at 8:33 PM

    How do I apply to be a new order compliance officer? I'm avaiable to answer requests by evemail throughout the day!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Can't wait for the next chapter of this.

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  8. I like Agent Vargas' style.

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  9. Just wanted to thank y'all and especially James 315 for such an entertaining blog.

    I read it every single day, just before bedtime. Helps me sleep well and happy.

    This story in particular sure sounds like it's going interesting places... can't wait untill tomorrow!

    Goodnight for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should try slumbering in the warm embrace of a job well done enforcing the CODE. Knowing that we're saving high sec, bringing emergent gameplay and competition to those players that need it most...is reward enough to carry me thru having to live in the squalor of high sec. It is a sad, miserable place full of boring content, and boring players.
      But we soldier on. We sacrifice living in comfort and cleanliness, where public chats are civilized and people are actually playing the game that they're "playing"- to live among the unskilled and uncreative masses squatting in perpetual newb territory.
      It is often a thankless service. But our faith in the CODE and our love for our fellow capsuleer keeps us going.

      Delete
  10. Now I laughed so hard on the train when I saw the name Pestario Vargas.

    - Amyclas

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  11. Who you gonna call? Code-busters!!

    (Note: I do not endorse the busting of the code. The code abides.)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dam it Pest, its 'write' not 'right'. Don't make me cancel your space lawyer certificate, son.

    Babatunde B Babatunde

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  13. Have there been conversations between Agents and violators on Team Speak, Mumble, etc?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. look out, this guy is setting the NO up to pull a Ripard....

      Delete
    2. You're trying to get us to violate CCP's unwritten wulez. It won't work.

      Delete
  14. Wolve...

    Wolve. . .

    Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am the kindest of NO Agents. I very often go out of my way to educate newbs rather than gank them. Sometimes I am successful.
    Recently I landed on a Venture in a belt...sitting there a minute, expecting him to flee. He did not. This is my first clue he was new, when the most common miner gank ship shows up in a belt....chances are it's time to leave. Since I have this blog in my bio, I assumed he was reading that, and so I waited. After a quick hail to offer salutations, I asked if he just didn't know what a cat orbiting his mining boat meant. When he didn't respond I asked others in local to perhaps help educate the guy.
    Strangely, no other care bears offered the simple advice of..run!
    It took me targeting his ship for him to finally see the error of his ways and dock. Not long after I was passing thru the same system and stopped by the belts again. There he was in his Venture...but the moment I loaded grid he was warping for the station (left your drones behind, dude), so obviously my mentorship had paid dividends.
    Now was the right time to offer further wisdom of the CODE, but the guy logged off- hopefully to fully dedicate himself to the teachings of the savior of high sec.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieApril 15, 2014 at 11:24 PM

      I approve of this. Did he buy a permit?

      Delete
  16. Well that escalated quickly! Pestario is the New Order's version of a titan hotdrop with crazy space lawyer doomsdays.

    Good Luck Mr. Who

    ReplyDelete

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