Sunday, April 13, 2014

Kills of the Week

The thing about me is, I'm not a butcher. However, the worst thing that can happen to a carebear in highsec is not to have a ship roasted by an Agent of the New Order--it's for the carebear to waste his life away without experiencing the pleasures of emergent gameplay and creative content. Once we understand this, we can see that a gank "victim" should not only offer a "gf" in local; they should offer their ganker a "thank you" and a tip of the hat. Here are some people who didn't do this, during the week of April 6th @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 12th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Liam Andrard didn't get the memo that people aren't flying Hulks anymore. Agents Throatslashar and iZaEaRl are like noble postmen who won't let anything prevent them from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Unfortunately, Liam's memo cost him a billion isk. The 10 million isk version is more affordable, though it requires the carebear to be at least engaged in EVE enough to read the Code.

Ingenium42's CPU-heavy Loki was destroyed by a pair of Agents who were willing to go the extra mile to enforce the Code. Actually, Agents loyalanon and Sophia Soprano traveled significantly longer than a mile for this gank: Ingenium42 was sitting AFK more than 800km from the gate!

Let's get down to business. At the turn of the week, Agents of the New Order conducted another slaughter of Code-violating freighters.

Ouch! Random Womble lost nearly 7 billion isk while idling in his freighter without a permit. Agents loyalanon, Capt Starfox, Throatslashar, Mad Fatchick Killer, iZaEaRl, Dr Tyler, John XIII, Sarthana, Mildron Klinker, Pod-Goo Repoman, Vic Jefferson, Tear Jar, Jared Lennox, Fawn Tailor, Schlampa, Scylla ofMessia, unknown boat, Aaaarrgg, Ima Wreckyou, Walter Kramer, Sophia Soprano, Spine Ripper, and Jebediah Phoenix conducted the gank.

As the freighters continued to die on the same gate, rebel forces lazily gathered together and attempted to use ECM to prevent the freighters' deaths.

There was only one problem for the rebels: Without the Code to direct their cause, they were totally lost. Their ECM proved useless.

Freighters continued to die, and the rebels started yelling at each other in their "secret" channel. That must be the least fun resistance movement ever.

Speaking of rebels, just prior to the event, Jak Zateki was spotted hauling a bunch of ECM equipment in a lightly-tanked Tayra. Agent Zasar had no qualms about destroying the rebels' ships while they were still in transit. Nearly 900 million isk popped instantly. That saved the rebels the trouble of trying to rescue their fellow carebears.

Fric Antollare may or may not have been intending to lend his Scorpion to the rebel cause. It wasn't equipped with ECM, or much else. Despite having full access to MinerBumping, Fric never bothered to embrace the Code. Maybe he thought he didn't need it. Agents Dreadchain and Galaxy Pig showed him why it was necessary.

Jim Chiger2 got popped by Agent iZaEaRl in a single, 1.7 billion isk salvo. Whoever this "Michi" fellow is, he has a lot to answer for.


  1. Loyalanon is doing a great job. Clearly enjoying protesting against Ripard in the best tradition of Code enforcement.

    If James had an annual awards - kind of like the Oscars for the Code - Loyalanon would be on the nomination list for Best Enforcer of the Year

    1. When you join The Conference Elite, you are suddenly reborn into a group of people that can only best be described as the True Champions of Highsec.

      Whilst Loyal would be like the best actor award, the whole corp would be the equivalent to best picture.

      But all joking aside, we are the best. :P

      412nv Yaken

    2. Your leader is a complete fool who attempts to imitate James 315 yet fails epically due to having as much wit as my wall.

      Not sure how great you can be when you're lead by that :P

  2. Your made-up word "aspirancy" is killing me on the inside, its the worst. Please james, you're a good writer, you can do better than aspirancy and bot-aspirant, they are so, so bad.

    1. You know what's worse? A rebel miner sitting afk most of the day vacuuming up the good Saviour's ore.

    2. Honestly I have no problems with their usage of the term "bot-aspirancy".

      We can start a new philosophical trend with the notion of 'BOT-ASPIRANT' .
      I am on the verge of contacting the World Philosophy Foundation to convince them about the importance of this term.

      CODE. enforcers use that term so frequently that I think we shouldn't limit it to EVE.

      In fact, I took the subway today, and I actually realized how BOT-ASPIRANT the train is. It does exactly the same things all the time: approach station - open doors - passengers - close doors - leave station, just like a BOT-ASPIRANT Retriever that undocks - mines ore - docks - empties cargo and repeats.

      And, uhm, maybe the life itself is BOT-ASPIRANT too. After all, we usually wake up-work-sleep-repeat.

      The question is... if life is BOT-ASPIRANT, then who is the GANKER?

      Have a BOT-ASPIRANT day,


      Botas Pirant

  3. Dat Scorpion........


    ----Mike Adoulin

    1. haha yeah i guess he thinks some slots are optional

  4. "IT's CALED[sic] TEAMWORK!!! Which is non existent in this ROOM!!!!" -- Kantar Vilorious

    so white knights protecting bot aspirants have problems working together....

    "It happens in less than 20 seconds and then it's quiet for an hour. What do you expect us to be able to do?" -- Mayhaw Morgan

    .. and then go AFK because nothing is happening.... who would have thunk it?

  5. I am always amazed at the level of terrible with fittings and implant choices by care bears. Like they literally stopped learning how to play Eve after finding the UNDOCK button. It also demonstrates just how broken the Risk V Reward system is for high sec, that people that have absolutely no clue how the game even works- have billions to throw away proving it.
    Daily it's a comedy of errors with them. A 1.4 bil implant among some newb level ones. T3's half fitted, and with meta 2 crap at that. Rig slots empty. Faction fit garbage barges that die to some 2 week old gank alt in a throwaway ship.
    The fact that they have succeeded in Eve while knowing virtually nothing about how it works, really ought to be a red flag that something is amiss. We know they just go to the forums and ask 'how do I' and 'what is best for' rather than actually play the game for themselves, they just ape what someone else has already done. But being bad at a game should mean failure, not billions of isk to accomplish nothing more than being yet another comedy KM for an ALOD column.

  6. We just need more ECM is all. If the movement grows we'll have enough to shut down even the 4 x ECCM Talos fits. We basically need 1 Falcon/Scorpion per Talos at that point.

    This isn't the right way to fight you guys anyways. There is one button that James fears more than anything else. It's the block button. If only these hotheads could just figure that out... lol.

    1. Blocking NO Agents means you cannot respond when hailed by our friendly representative. This only makes one appear to be AFK even if they are not.
      It seems odd advice to suggest acting more like a bot, in the face of people looking for exactly that to blow up.
      If you block the NO Agents, and lose your ship even if you aren't AFK- process SRP claims with character ANONYMOUS for your reimbursement. It was his bright idea, after all.


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