Friday, April 18, 2014

You Can't Patch Stupid

Chatlogs are a time machine. They take us into the past and allow us to pinpoint the precise moment that the Code changed history for someone. For instance, can you tell when Agent Lord Jasta brought awoxing content into the life of this carebear?
Lord Jasta > just gotta drop mission boat off
Artimous Nollian > Okay.
Lord Jasta > see what crystals I need
Artimous Nollian > Ice belt I am at has a lot of Ice. You wouldn't leave for a while.
Artimous Nollian > WTF?
After highsec miner Artimous Nollian made known his bot-aspirant attitude toward ice mining, Lord Jasta tackled his ship and threatened to open fire.
Lord Jasta > Isk please
Psylocke Nollian > Why are you attacking me?
Lord Jasta > Again Isk please
Artimous Nollian > Really attacking your own Corp?
Lord Jasta > Your mining illegaly.
Artimous Nollian > How am I mining illegaly?
Lord Jasta > This is new order space you do not have a permit
Lord Jasta >
Lord Jasta > You guys either pay or I don't dock and leave corp
Lord Jasta > All you had to do was google my name.
Lord Jasta sighed. He was bitterly disappointed in the carebear. Jasta only awoxes those who truly deserve it--those whose destiny it is to be awoxed.
Erskine Childers > are you just going sit at your computer until you get paid?
Lord Jasta > No, just sit afk cloaked...
Lord Jasta > Nice thing is I can sit here in corp and its not against the rules
Lord Jasta > Afk till tomorrow cya then
Erskine Childers > dont jerk off too much
As Jasta reflected upon the miner he'd just killed, he wrote an EVEmail announcement to the corp:

That's right--all of that for a Retriever kill. It didn't matter how big or small the ship was. For Lord Jasta, the point was sending a message. Even a cheap Retriever isn't safe from an awox.
Aspara Gus > omg lord jasta
Aspara Gus > i knew you were an awoxer
Erskine Childers > haha
Aspara Gus > its amazing how people missed the fact that he was in a new order corp for 2 weeks right before he joined this one
Erskine Childers > how can you tell what is a new order corp?
Erskine Childers > also he admits it right in the bottom of his bio lol
Jasta attempts to educate every carebear he awoxes. He tries to make it as easy as possible to avoid recruiting him. Hence, his bio:

Always read the fine print! Lord Jasta had been recruited into the corp despite a New Order corp history and a bio that praised awoxing. After his successful mission, Jasta returned to the recruitment channel. He would act as an agent of destiny for another carebear corp that deserved to be awoxed. This time, Jasta wanted to see just how obvious he could make himself.
Lord Jasta > Burnt out pvp pilot lookign to learn mining, corp must be legal in eyes of new order.
Jasta would hide nothing. Whomever recruited him would be fully aware of his allegiance to the New Order and its Code.
Lord Jasta > o/
Lord Jasta > Hows it going today
Illyion Zune Russell > sup!
Lord Jasta > Looking for a legal mining home, not full of kids :p
Illyion Zune Russell > Whats lega?
Lord Jasta > Having mining permits from Our Lord James 315 and the New Order
Illyion Zune Russell > I don't really care for that kind of stuff bullies
Jasta was contacted by the Nomad Company, an organization of highsec miners. Lord Jasta made known his commitment to the Code. As a highsec resident, Illyion Zune Russell was familiar with the slander about our organization being a bunch of bullies. But the interview continued.
Lord Jasta > Got boosts for support?
Illyion Zune Russell > yeah.. not maxed but nearly
Lord Jasta > Better than nothing
Jack Sinclaire > you played with MOARR ?
Lord Jasta > Sort of.
Illyion Zune Russell > whats MOARR?
Lord Jasta > Illyion Zune Russell rule one always look at corp history when spamming adds :p
Illyion Zune Russell > lol yeah i see
Jack Sinclaire > yeah ive heard storries about JF ganks
Now Jasta came under scrutiny from Jack Sinclaire, the founder of Nomad Company. Jack was looking through Jasta's employment history. Jasta remained an open book:
Jack Sinclaire > You were a spy for MOARR, Correct?
Lord Jasta > yup
Illyion Zune Russell > nice
Jack Sinclaire > sounds cray cray
Lord Jasta > I did as I was told nothing more nothing less
Next, Jack actually looked at Lord Jasta's bio. He even read the fine print!
Jack Sinclaire > whats James 315?
Lord Jasta > James 315 is Lord of High Sec running a very great ministry on how to live morally right as a miner.
Lord Jasta > You must accept James as your saviour then pay a knight 10 mil to get a permit for one year. This will save you from being accused of being an illegal miner as long as you follow the code.
Jack Sinclaire > lol
Jack Sinclaire > so hes a total ass hat
Lord Jasta > I call it permit tank
Jack was completely disrespectful to the Saviour of Highsec. In thinking bad thoughts about me and attempting to spread the poison to others, he doomed himself. By all accounts, Lord Jasta shouldn't have been accepted into Nomad Company. But the corp's fate was sealed. It was destiny.

Incredibly, Lord Jasta was accepted into the corp. He immediately reported to the corp's mining op, which was already in progress in the Mehatoor system. Jasta destroyed Illyion's Orca. Again, fate. Illyion had one of the worst Orca fits I have ever seen. I know I say that a lot, but this is highsec. Look at those lowslots!

Jasta destroyed a pair of Retrievers who were also attending the mining op. Jack Sinclaire, despite being the founder of the corp, could afford nothing more expensive.
Brick Redstone > we loveded you
Lord Jasta > So want me to dock an leave corp?
Lord Jasta > I dont want isk
Lord Jasta > I got what I wanted
Lord Jasta > Except for one thing
Jack Sinclaire > whats that
Lord Jasta > Either you can write James 315 a letter saying sorry or give me a medal for being the best Knight ever. I will then dock and leave corp.
Members of the Nomad Company were heartbroken when they learned that Lord Jasta was an awoxer. In an hour's time, he had already become the corp's most popular member.

Jack Sinclaire couldn't bring himself to apologize to me for what he said during Jasta's job interview, so he opted for the medal option. Jasta wears the medal proudly.

In the wake of Nomad Company's defeat at the Battle of Mehatoor, the corp collapsed. Jack left the corp he'd founded. The golden age of Nomad Company was the brief hour during which Lord Jasta politely chatted with the carebears. Even Illyion missed him.

The lesson here should be simple. There's nothing CCP can do to save the carebears and create a risk-free paradise in highsec. Their destruction is written in the stars. Our Agents simply do what needs to be done.


  1. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieApril 18, 2014 at 8:05 PM

    Lord Jasta is a hero to all of high sec!

  2. I think I need to get back to educating people with some some EMP M therapy.

  3. The Ardent Awoxer of Highsec; I salute you!


  4. To the Knightest of Knights, I salute you!

  5. This is a perfect example of one idiot sneaking into a Corp and backstabbing his Corp mates. What a cowardly act. If I were CEO of a mining Corp I better do my research on everyone I take in to my corp. James, You know better know not to mess with miners from Texas. Because we just infiltrated code.

    1. I can't see how you turn a honest play on Agent's side into act of idiocy.

    2. I'll bet that he has everybody's schedules, too.

    3. How to infiltrate CODE. in 3 easy steps
      1) have a pulse.
      2) be at the keyboard.
      3) ask.

      Well done Lord Jasta!

    4. "Because we just infiltrated code."

      This guy's a little slow on the draw, apparently.

    5. I infiltrated CODE. so it can't really be that hard. In fact, I followed John's 3 step plan and it worked for me! It can work for you!!!

    6. Post the minerbumping schedules, that'll show them for sure ;)

    7. haha Texas, you guys are almost as embarrassing as Mississippi.

    8. yeah, infiltration is pretty easy considering most Agents become so simply by declaring their loyalty to the CODE and going about bumping and ganking miners. My gank alt is in Viziam. Go ahead, infiltrate away..........

  6. Lord Jasta, I salute you sir. o7

  7. "Chatlogs are a time machine. They take us into the past and allow us to pinpoint the precise moment that the Code changed history for someone. For instance, can you tell when Agent Lord Jasta brought awoxing content into the life of this carebear?
    Lord Jasta > just gotta drop mission boat off
    Artimous Nollian > Okay.
    Lord Jasta > see what crystals I need
    Artimous Nollian > Ice belt I am at has a lot of Ice. You wouldn't leave for a while.
    Artimous Nollian > WTF?"


  8. So much win in this post.

  9. Agents and miners keep the comments clean please. Thank you James for another write up.

    To infiltrate the code means following the code so its win win.

    If you want to make threats against us at least be man enough to not post with out a name.

    A simple Google of my name in the recuirtment phase would have stopped this.

    The members of that corp were polite after the incident and are still learning which I am helping with.

    It takes a real man to know it was his fault and the courage to ask how to fix it.

    1. "The members of that corp were polite after the incident and are still learning which I am helping with."

      Have to say this is probably the best bit of news of the day. Because in spite of all the code violations and so on they've got over it and will move forward. Which unfortunately may never be acknowledged in an article itself.
      Much respect to you Jasta, for helping the newbies to not make the same mistake again. I hope you provide many more insights to those you successfully infiltrate in the future.

    2. This is the difference between gentleman awoxers like Lord Jasta and his ilk in the New Order, and the common or garden ruffians that murder indiscriminately. We are legitimately trying to improve highsec, and take pride in educating those clients who show potential.

  10. Oh I still decommission tons of illegal miners in my catalyst as well.

    And I doubt you read the whole article as James did include the mail from one member congratulating me on my execution.

  11. As the victim, Illyion Zune Russell, i should have seen it cooming lol. and after everything was said and done i had nothing but respect for lord jasta. Yes he fucked us good but- it was a lesson learned. plus it couldve been worse. Im a better player for it.

  12. Thank you for the kind words, at least you did not rage quit, as well did Brick ever get his medal?

  13. Oh good god nomad company..

    After all the things said in the recruitment interview...they STILL recruited him! just fucking astonishing. Thanks for bringing the code and other education to these mind-blowingly stupid carebears, Jasta.

  14. So has the world come to a stop yet?


  15. The take away here is --BE CODE COMPLIANT. Even given zero background check to accept a known awoxer, given poor opsec, risking whole fleets on brainless PvE......what killed these miners was not being CODE compliant. They were even pointed to the CODE by their new member.
    Despite every effort, they denied the universal truth of the CODE and were, rather reluctantly, brought to justice.
    Had they simply done the right thing, and embraced the CODE- this would have been a much shorter blog entry.


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