Friday, June 27, 2014

Day One, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... The EVE community got an unprecedented look at the archives of the New Order. Records of the very first day of Code enforcement were revealed. At first, the miners of Halaima didn't take to the Code. Barely more than 30 minutes after the bumps began, a rebel named quard brought a tech II fitted Tempest and opened fire on my Invincible Stabber.
(notify) quard, criminals are not welcome here. Leave now or be destroyed.
(combat) quard [INRTI](Tempest) aims well at you, inflicting 1288.2 damage.
(notify) Approaching quard's Tempest
(notify) CONCORD Police Captain has started trying to warp scramble "quard [INRTI](Tempest)"
(notify) CONCORD Police Captain has started trying to warp scramble "quard [INRTI](Tempest)"
(notify) Approaching Wreck of: quard's Tempest
The Invincible Stabber lived up to its name, winning the First Battle of Halaima. quard's desperate (and expensive) suicide attack so soon after the launch of the New Order has led to much speculation. Did the bots and bot-aspirants of the future, taking a cue from the "Terminator" films, send an assassin back in time to destroy humanity's champion? If so, the humans of the future didn't bother sending a protector, since my ship couldn't be killed.
James 315 > /emote took the loot! :)
James 315 > FYI your battleship did not even pierce my shields
James 315 > because my Stabber is Invincible
quard > ur an idiot
quard > thats ok i got kill right on u now haha
James 315 > I just made 20 million from your wreck, thank you sir
randop > so, you made more from you being a jackass, then you made in your actual buisness
Rebels have a distorted view of reality. quard believed that by trying to suicide gank me, he earned a kill right on me. He also felt that because he lost a tech II fit battleship, I was an idiot.
James 315 > strataforce please pay me 10 million, or i bump u
strataforce > lol, i will gladly move systems to stay away from you...
strataforce > im not an ignorant bastard
James 315 > if you pay me, you can mine in peace for 365 days
strataforce > big woop
James 315 > so, you are my enemy then?
strataforce > i was one who put in a pettion on your ass
strataforce > ill doit as many times as i need til i get results
strataforce > you have no business inthis system, youre a heirarchy dictor
strataforce > *dictator
With no means of opposing my Invincible Stabber, miners retreated from the ice field and docked up. No one had paid yet, so I bumped those who remained. As always, bumping the carebears proved to be an effective interrogation technique. Unprompted, a miner confessed to petitioning me.
James 315 > strataforce you are being put on the Red Pen list for petitioning me. You now must pay 30 million for mining permit
strataforce > lol, as i said before to you... since you clearly have a small brain, i lead a fleet in null ad i mine NULL ice. this is just a side job that you take WAY too seriously
James 315 > lying won't get you off the Red Pen list
strataforce > nice, good job... i have a fleet remember. im not the one doing it alone
James 315 > just a friendly reminder, botting is not allowed in this system
strataforce > OK, and agin as i said beforeI dont bot
James 315 > well you still need to pay me for mining permit, like everyone else
The highsec miner claimed not to be a highsec miner. He was really the leader of a powerful nullsec fleet, and he mined nullsec ice. Like I said, a distorted view of reality.
randop > JAMES 315, YOU THINK YOUR SOME KIND OF HIGH SEC MESIAH, JUST REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST PERSON WHO THOUGHT THAT
James 315 > like who randop?
randop > reveiw histroy, around 1AD
James 315 > all i can tell you is, i went toe-to-toe with a T2-fit battleship and I won
randop > LOOK! I CAN FIT MY SHIP TO SURIVIVE A SUICIDE GANK!! im the savior!!!
luzinski > hey guys simple why not just bump him back with your alt accounts lol
randop ceased mining, but he continued to agitate in local. He warned me that I'd share the fate of someone else who thought himself to be a highsec messiah, more than two thousand years ago.
James 315 > Spetlana pay 10 mill plz
randop > jame 315, fuck off
Spetlana > Screw u You are noiob that purchased a tiin
James 315 > NOT cool
Spetlana > You a toady
Spetlana > Hmm u are 13
James 315 > i can't believe this, it's like everyone wants to be on the Red Pen list today
strataforce > because we're sick of your shit....
James 315 > strataforce you have spent what, all of about 10 minutes with me and you're already sick?
I renewed my search for an honest miner. strataforce had a very low tolerance for the New Order. I'd spent less than an hour enforcing the Code and he was quite ready for it to go away. However, the Code was going to last far longer than any of the miners expected.
Spetlana > What ever 13 year old
Spetlana > hmm maybe 14
strataforce > i got sick when i saw you online... frst few seconds
James 315 > my identity is defined as a husband, a father, and a businessman
strataforce > your busness is a CONARTIST
Spetlana > See the thing is I could give a rats ass if u pump me
Spetlana > Could not care if I mine ice
Spetlana > assclown
James 315 > but dont u think 10 million is a reasonable price for a fee?
Spetlana > It's NOT ABOUT THE MONEY
strataforce > exactly
I referenced one of my all-time favorite tear posts, an anti-Hulkageddon thread on EVE-O, "A Plea for Rationale in the System of Natural Consequences". Just when it seemed every miner was stark raving mad, I received a convo request from someone in the ice field:
Channel Name: Private Chat (twirlz)
twirlz > fun idea and i like it. here is my 10 mil
James 315 > once i receive payment I will set you to positive standings
twirlz > there ya go
James 315 > payment received
twirlz > great.
twirlz > cya around
James 315 > o/
twirlz > if ur buisness takes off well u should hire more bumpers
James 315 > heh
The first mining permit was purchased. Since I was the only Code enforcer in EVE, I kept track of permit owners simply by assigning +5 standings to them. Those on the Red Pen list were set to -10.
James 315 > twirlz paid 10m and is free to mine. why not learn from twirlz? much smarter
quard > dont pay the ass clown
twirlz > all for clearing out a ice field for me
James 315 > i dont get u people...if it's not the money then why not pay?? :(
quard > because no one likes u or want to give in to u being an idiot
strataforce > I dnt feed the Parasprites... if anyone knows where im coming from.
James 315 > i am Saviour of Highsec. i didn't ask for it, fate handed me this role
quard > ur the idiot of highsec
As a result of the miner bumping, the ice field was cleansed. Only twirlz remained, happily mining away. The rebel miners couldn't explain why they were unwilling to pay 10 million isk per year, but students of bot-aspirancy know: Emergent gameplay and human interaction just aren't a part of their routine.
randop > 10+ tornados/talos' at you
randop > i can adn will send
James 315 > all i ask for is the respect that is owed me
James 315 > and maybe a little isk
randop > i will send a ganking fleet after him
randop > then parade his frozen corpse in the ice belt
For more than an hour, randop did nothing but make idle threats in local. It was all he could do. It was carebear instinct; miners all across highsec would independently develop the "strategy" of boasting about phantom rescue fleets.
ReallyNotHere > James 315 woot o/
Caleb Arody > hehe i love driving through here
James 315 > i have nothing to fear from your so-called "gank fleets"
James 315 > send dreadnoughts against me, and i would brush aside even those
James 315 > then you will know that I am the Saviour of Highsec
LtauSTinpoWErs > james
LtauSTinpoWErs > i loved your post on the forums
LtauSTinpoWErs > good luck bumping them o/
Day One ended in victory, the first of many. I could already tell that highsec had a bright future ahead. Very bright indeed.

11 comments:

  1. BeBopAReBop RhubarbPieJune 27, 2014 at 7:48 PM

    'Twas wonderful reading about twirlz, the first complient miner!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sure his fleet of tornados is waiting for the right moment.

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  3. Bebop, Garrison Keillor dies just a little every time you post. I can only imagine what he'd think of CODE in general.

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  4. "The Invincible Stabber lived up to its name, winning the First Battle of Halaima. quard's desperate (and expensive) suicide attack so soon after the launch of the New Order has led to much speculation. Did the bots and bot-aspirants of the future, taking a cue from the "Terminator" films, send an assassin back in time to destroy humanity's champion? If so, the humans of the future didn't bother sending a protector, since my ship couldn't be killed."

    LOOOOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. The problem that is currently facing high sec is the self-entitlement alot of Miners/Freighters/Carebears feel they are entitled to and that anything that they dont agree with needs to be changed, without making the changes themselves.

    I am so glad to be a part of the Code. Alliance and eliminating these carebears to remind them that High Sec is not safe.

    Long Live James 315, Long live the New order

    The Code Always Wins.

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  6. Hahahaha I never even played EVE online and i find this hilarious,what you are doing is great! :)

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  7. Reading about these times when it was nothing but a single savior in a stabber that could not be destroyed is just - delightful.

    Long live the New Order!

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  8. Research suggests the New Order agents are one of the most moral persons in the game:
    http://www.buffalo.edu/news/releases/2014/06/037.html

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Internet remembers:

    https://zkillboard.com/kill/24554026/

    found that quard-guy kill!

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is great stuff Mr. President. I hope you post day 2 sometime in the future. Onward and forward!

    ReplyDelete

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