Wednesday, June 4, 2014

No Solitude in an MMO, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... A group of Agents sallied forth into a "highsec island" in the Solitude region to enforce the Code. Many bot-aspirants were destroyed. Among them was illegal miner 3xpl01d Stash, who went ballistic when he lost his Retriever.
3xpl01d Stash > what you want
Pestario Vargas > Hello sir.
3xpl01d Stash > you already took all i have
3xpl01d Stash > you want to laugh harder?
Pestario Vargas > No sir.
3xpl01d Stash > well laugh as hard as you can right now
3xpl01d Stash > cuz im about to uninstall eve online
Upon hearing of the Stash incident, Agent Pestario Vargas took it upon himself to convo the miner personally and see what he could do. The convo was initiated not a moment too soon. Stash was just seconds away from quitting EVE forever.
Pestario Vargas > I am not laughing. I am here to calm you down and help you out, if I can
3xpl01d Stash > sure calming down
3xpl01d Stash > you guys are trolls
3xpl01d Stash > i dont believe you
Pestario Vargas > I am not here to be a troll.
3xpl01d Stash > are you giving me money then?
Stash had no faith in the New Order or its Agents. He couldn't believe Pestario was there to help. And to a bot-aspirant, "help" means "give me free money".
Pestario Vargas > What happened exactly? were you ganked?
3xpl01d Stash > Kill: 3xpl01d Stash (Retriever) Kill: 3xpl01d Stash (Capsule) Kill: 3xpl01d Stash (Gallente Shuttle) Kill: 3xpl01d Stash (Capsule)
3xpl01d Stash > count that
3xpl01d Stash > thats my loss.
3xpl01d Stash > its everything i had
3xpl01d Stash > now if your done making fun of me
3xpl01d Stash > im going to have a real life
Upon request, the carebear produced his lossmails as evidence of the ganks. Stash readied himself for the uninstallation process. If Pestario couldn't think of something to say right then and there, he would lose his chance to save the miner.
Pestario Vargas > Please don't get mad, but were you afk?
3xpl01d Stash > no
3xpl01d Stash > i got minimized
3xpl01d Stash > because of a poke
3xpl01d Stash > and ofcourse thats when they kill you
The answer, of course, was in the Code. Pestario asked Stash if he had been in violation. Without realizing it, Stash admitted he was; miners are required to keep an eye on local at all times, regardless of Facebook pokes. If you shift your attention to a Facebook poke, you run the risk of getting a Catalyst poke.
Pestario Vargas > we have to refund if you wrent in violation of the code
3xpl01d Stash > i don't give a shit about the code. the code you follow made sure newcomers to eve online quit the game
Pestario Vargas > I am trying to help you. If you follow the Code, and you were ganked, you get a refund and a sorry
3xpl01d Stash > if i can have all my stuff back
3xpl01d Stash > ill follow the code
3xpl01d Stash > if not.. then byebye
3xpl01d Stash > im frustrated
3xpl01d Stash > and very mad with your corporation
Despite being a self-described "newcomer" to EVE, Stash had already been thoroughly infected by rebel propaganda. He believed the lie that the Code exists to drive away new players. The carebear apologists had gotten to him.
Pestario Vargas > So you were mining in Solitude. ok that is fair enough.
3xpl01d Stash > in high sec
Pestario Vargas > Is it a highsec island?
3xpl01d Stash > yes
3xpl01d Stash > i got taken here by another player
3xpl01d Stash > i have not much experience and im losing everything here
3xpl01d Stash > i want to leave, but i just got killed i can't get out
Pestario Vargas > It says you are from 2013? is this true?
Pestario continued to investigate. Stash claimed he had become trapped in the highsec island of Solitude. Apparently he thought he needed a shuttle or Retriever to get out.
3xpl01d Stash > i made my account then, i only play for 2 weeks
Pestario Vargas > aww ok. so your SP will be less then 3 million?
3xpl01d Stash > 5 million
3xpl01d Stash > maybe 3 weeks
Pestario Vargas > hmm ok well send a evemail of what happend to Babatunde B Babatunde, he deals with reimbursments and refunds
Pestario Vargas > if you did nothing wrong we will 100% refund your loss
Naturally, Stash played up his "newbie" status, though he couldn't keep his story straight.
3xpl01d Stash > you will not refund anything
3xpl01d Stash > because your a troll
Pestario Vargas > I dont like to see new eve players get ganked
3xpl01d Stash > yes you do
3xpl01d Stash > and i didn't get a refund
Pestario Vargas > We have to take time to investigate it
3xpl01d Stash > Go ahead investigate, ill be online for 1 more hour.
3xpl01d Stash > if i don't have enough cash to buy my implants and retreiver then i quit eve online
Stash delivered an ultimatum: In one hour, he'd leave EVE forever. Pestario would be tested like never before. It was one of the harshest deadlines set by a carebear.
Pestario Vargas > It may take up to 48 hours. sorry
3xpl01d Stash > also i would like an escort to high sec
3xpl01d Stash > you guys owe me that
3xpl01d Stash > if not for the kills then for the offensive language in chat
3xpl01d Stash > because your members are doing their utmost work either trying to get people to suicide in real life or to make sure eve online loses all of their players.
Stash continued to make more demands. Now he wanted a New Order escort back to the highsec mainland. He also claimed our Agents had used "offensive language in chat". In light of yesterday's post, this claim is quite bizarre. Nevertheless, Stash had entirely swallowed the carebear apologists' argument that ganking is bullying and that if CCP doesn't end PvP in highsec, they'll lose all their subscribers and go out of business.
3xpl01d Stash > and what if eve is full of players like you huh,
3xpl01d Stash > who then will you kill and try to piss off so hard that he suicides in real life?
Pestario Vargas > Who has done this? Suicdies in real life? this is terrible news.
Pestario Vargas > I am trying to help you..
3xpl01d Stash > oh i feel so helped.
3xpl01d Stash > you guys helped me get rid of my isks thats for sure.
Pestario Vargas > .. would you like to talk on teamspeak?
Stash surrendered to the madness of the bot-aspirant. With time running out and no other ideas, Pestario threw a Hail Mary pass. He invited Stash to TeamSpeak.
Pestario Vargas > I can talk to you.
3xpl01d Stash > sure lets talk
Pestario Vargas > man to man
Pestario Vargas > ok just a second
Pestario Vargas > one second, jsut getting the server details
Pestario Vargas > Please join and talk with me.
Stash agreed to join Pestario and other Agents to chat on TeamSpeak. As of this writing, a recording of the conversation is not available. I am informed that our Agents went to great lengths to re-educate the troubled miner. However, I also have it on good authority that no torture was used.

Less than an hour later, a 700 million isk Mackinaw was ganked in Solitude. Among the gankers...

...was 3xpl01d Stash himself. Most people would've written off Stash in five seconds of meeting him. But nothing is too difficult for the New Order. And we have a saying: No miner left behind.


  1. I love happy endings!

    Welcome to the real EVE, 3xpl01d Stash!

    1. Another capsuleer transferred into the group that continues playing EVE for many years to come!
      Long live the Code, and praise the blessings it brings upon those of Highsec!

    2. It warms my cold dark heart *sniff* /wipes tear from eye.

  2. Replies
    1. He did not betray the bot-aspirants, he merely exceeded them.

    2. A true miner, is willing to expand his role in eve to other than mining. How can I say this.? Easily, my main alts are indy players, but heave decided to use other account alts to explore more of eve. And yes I am happy to work with the New Order.

  3. Now THAT's a twist

  4. Teach a man to mine, have a subscription for a year (maybe)

    Teach a man to PvP, have his subscription forever.

    1. Teach a man to uphold the CODE, he'll be subscribed forever, in his life and in his soul

  5. That KM... Civilian Shield Booster FTW!!!!! \o/

    - Guybertini

    1. Whether or not the tank consists of a Civilian Shield Booster or an X-Type Large Armor Repairer, only a permit tank and a Code-filled heart will save the carebears of high-sec from bot-aspirancy.

    2. A civ shield booster AND a 1MN MWD! Is there a class that teaches miners how to have such fail fits?

    3. His soul has been cleansed... but there may be more of them!

  6. o7 3xplo1d Stash! Welcome to EVE!

  7. never was a name more appropriate. 1st in a bad way and then in a good way.
    I did not see this polt twist coming.
    keep up the good work.
    silvetica dian
    ps why did i get banned from the minerbumping channel? i may not enforce the code as much i should but i have enforced it :(

  8. One of us. One of us. One of us.

  9. You should have ended the previous post with "Next time: The most shocking MinerBumping episode yet!". Because that twist was amazing.

  10. I hope this isn't just a happy ending, but a happy beginning... and see him in future articles upholding the Code. I am confident that no Jedi mind tricks were used in teamspeak and that he simply allowed the Code to enter his soul.

    1. Who needs Jedi mind tricks when you have torture?

    2. Your voice is very calming and soothing Erotica, unfortunatly you were not present at the time that this person was being formally introduced to the CODE. But know that your legend exceeds your ban.

  11. Congratulations to the Agents involved! You succeeded in our ultimate goal, to free HS miners from their chains. Welcome 3xplo1d Stash to the New Order and to the better side of Eve!

  12. SO BEAUTIFUL *sob*

  13. Holy shit! First Game of thrones and now this...

    1. "Have they told you who I am?"


    2. Beautiful. Would so seriously love to hear that teamspeak. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but can you imagine hearing the moment when it clicks in his head? Oh, I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.

    3. Unfortunatly a specific person has to somewhat disagree with the fact that a certain mindsetting was turned around drasticly. You could rather call it a mind who has found his kinmen and true potential as a player.

  14. So awesome. Didn't see that ending coming at all. This is the feelgood story of the year for sure. Welcome to the New Order brother Stash.

    W. Steele.

  15. Environmental ProtectionJune 5, 2014 at 1:34 AM

    Congratulations brother Stash!

    It gives me great hope for high sec space to see such a profound reformation.

  16. The Angels are singing.

  17. That was a plot twist I didn't see coming. No matter what side of the fence we're on, that was impressive.

  18. BOOM! What a twist in the ending! I'll bet not even M. Knight Syamalan saw that coming.

  19. Totally my fault that the teamspeak recording was not around for this - i'll do my best to get it uploaded in a day or so - gotta love rural county internet here in the USA.

    It was a glorious night, and I think our carebear had more fun then he's ever had in Eve Online. :)

    1. Woah woah woah, we get to listen to this triumph in action? Beyond radical; go go dial up go!

  20. 10/10 would convert again

  21. What a pleasing and unexpected turn around. Good on you Mr Stash.

  22. Also, that Mack fit is pro. Who needs tank when you can fit a Civilian Shield Booster. That's enough, right?

    WRONG. Such a bastardised fit hurts my eyes. I have a mind to send the 3 CEO's of ORE a mail insisting that these ships come with a users manual and safey guide.

    Saftey Tip #1: Buy a mining permit
    Saftey Tip #2: Be Code Compliant at all times
    Saftey Tip #3: Wear a hard hat.

    Then several tips on how to NOT fail fit a fucking exhumer!

  23. All in all, this is a wonderfull story.

  24. However, I also have it on good authority that no torture was used.

    LOL. Still sore about E1 I see. Ha.

    Butthurt more, gankers.

    1. Still sore in the way the CFC is still sore about Vile Rat, just to a much lesser degree.

    2. Comparing E1 to Vile Rat is low even for you KristallNachte. You are a repulsive individual.

  25. Nice work of fiction, as always you guys never fail to amuse.

    Word of warning though, if I was you, I would keep all questionable actions within the game client, stay away from TS. Your already mixing IC and OOC things (I.n C.haracter and O.ut O.f C.haracter). Example, bots are purely OOC, stay away from that term, afk is another OOC reference, perhaps inattentive pilot would be better. Oh and never mention how a person is playing Eve. You'll land in very hot water, if you don't keep these things separate.

    Keep it up though guys, you provide me with much needed amusement. Look forward to your next post.

  26. I wonder what tdd dominator would have to say about this.

    1. TDD's case of carebear-ism is, I'm afraid, more difficult.

      Yes, he did move to nullsec (good for him), but he still can't help AFK mining out there:

  27. What's up, Elliot Rodger?

    Also, I think you mean "bumped" by a bus.

  28. Saving Highsec one miner at a time. So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

  29. I would just like to thank all involved for continuing to improve the game.

  30. Hey guys,

    your story are nice as usual bit i have one question :

    Are you not affraid bout your action just make lkfe of player a nightmare and they will just leave the game ?
    Because if your are honest you just kill people who didnt want fight and make their game time frustating and nothing fun for them. And the population of Eve is lower and lower on day if the game close it will be because of action like yours.

    So i think the true question is who you are really, just childich ganker who are affraid to fight true pvp player, or a corporation who really want inprouce the game.

    1. yes, they are childish gankers, you talk themself drunk of their "efforts"

  31. sweet how codemonkeys are rejoicing about a fairy tail
    Check and be embarrased.

    1. Gorila pls go. Terrible blog. 0/10


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