Thursday, June 12, 2014

New Order Airspace

They say a carebear's pod is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you're gonna get. The same is true of a carebear's mining barge.


Don't misunderstand me. Of course you know that you're going to get a fail-fit. What you don't know is what the immediate results of the gank will be. Legoles Aldard, whose fail-fit Retriever was dutifully ganked by Agents Krominal and Keraina Talie-Kuo, provides us with today's example.


Legoles was extremely upset about the loss of his precious Retriever and he needed someone to talk to. He was referred to New Order diplomat Capt Starfox. Our Knights kill countless trillions of isk worth of carebears; it's the diplomat's job to sort everything out.


The situation was tense from the very beginning. If the matter wasn't handled delicately, it could mean all-out war between the New Order and a "manufacturing corp". No one wanted that.


Legoles couldn't believe that someone would actually attack a mining vessel in highsec. It was incomprehensible to him. As luck would have it, Starfox had a lot of familiarity with such things. Indeed, he had seen many mining vessels attacked in highsec. He identified the problem straightaway.


Starfox enjoyed the experience of sharing the Code with yet another clueless highsec miner. For someone who so desperately needed guidance, Legoles was surprisingly unreceptive. He believed in the carebear myth about free "air space". He also had a lot of faith in the CEO of his tiny manufacturing corp.


I'm always amazed by how quickly EVE players resort to making empty threats. Legoles, the same miner who couldn't fit a Retriever, thought Starfox of the mighty New Order would be afraid of him. And his CEO.


Then the other shoe dropped. Legoles was in possession of heretical material distributed by Kalynn Shardani, the "mining consultant". New Order Intelligence intercepted similar EVEmails earlier this year. Legoles' possession of the EVEmail, and his willingness to paste it into the convo window, proved that Legoles was already aware of the Code. Once again, if a miner claims he's never heard of the New Order, it's very likely he's lying. Everyone's heard of us. We're a huge deal.


His heart racing and his typing fingers filled with adrenalin, Legoles felt powerful. He believed he could help destroy the New Order once and for all. Our gankers messed with the wrong miner this time.


If he is to be believed, Legoles has spent four years slaving away in the highsec asteroid belts. He still doesn't know how to fit a Retriever, and until now he had no idea people gank mining vessels in highsec.


Despite his alleged four years in EVE, Legoles needed help finding the name of Starfox's corp's CEO. Starfox was happy to assist.


Legoles' plan to destroy the New Order ran into a roadblock when he realized that he had no money and no assets. At this point, you might wonder if he really has been "playing" EVE for four years. The truth is, it's impossible to know. I've met carebears who have played for years, and I've met carebears who have played for days. They're pretty much the same. Whether you're AFK for a day or AFK for a decade, you're not going to learn anything. Legoles learned more about EVE in the 30 minutes he spent talking with Starfox than he did in the rest of his career--no matter how long it was.

34 comments:

  1. "I've been playing for 4 years and still don't have enough ISK to buy a venture or a 10m ISK mining permit, but I'm such a skilled player that I'm going to take down your entire corp"

    -- least threatening threat ever made.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This guy sounds pretty serious.. I think we had better refund his ISK and beg for forgiveness. I don't want to have to biomass and start over because of being afraid to undock.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Message bomb Capt Starfox's CEO!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It didn't look fail fit (just anti-tank max yield fit) until I saw the shield recharger rigs. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope there's a sequel to this one! Uppity carebears in broke ass 7 man corps threatening our noble knights need special counseling...

    ReplyDelete
  6. seems like a fake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 1:13 your comment could be classified as dramatic irony.

      Delete
    2. Why not ironic drama?

      -EasyKill

      Delete
  7. And now my friend Gorila Vengaza over at gankerbumping.com has come up with something truly special.

    Drumroll please...

    GANKER BINGO

    That's right folks. James 315's glowing, torpedo'd ass has had his miner bingo for some time now. The tables have turned and now we have ganker bingo. Great Job there Gorila, I couldn't have done better my self. Oh, and now there's a new law in highsec. Contrary to what you code bots may think, you now need a permit to gank miners, freighters, and autopiloters. The cost of such a mining permit is 100M ISK, payable to myself or Gorila, it's good for one year, and it should be prominently displayed in your bio. New Order agents who are caught ganking and have not purchased a permit will be biomassed.

    This is another quality trollific post from your friends at Carebears United.

    We are many. We are strong. The code will fail. The code will fall. A free highsec is worth fighting for. Saving highsec from the savior of highsec, one carebear at a time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh jeepers, you know I've noticed that new order permits are 10 mil which is totally reasonable, yet miners want their so called ganker permits to be upwards of 100 million isk. Just goes to show how greedy they can be.

      Delete
    2. So let's say I don't purchase one of this "ganker permits", will you stop by and shutdown my gank activities? Or is this more a forum and/or local chat thing?

      Delete
    3. A miner bingo card. . . WOW, how original! All you are proving with these totally useless posts is that you and your band of miserable miner moppets have absolutely ZERO originality or creativity. Everything you do, and are, is a result of trying to stand on the shoulders of the New Order and plagiarizing their creative works.

      Delete
    4. Well, such delicious ganker tears. Considering that YOU code monkeys think it's funny to come up with all this propaganda bullshit, you whine and complain when we (the anti-ganking community) parody it and then throw it back in your face. How typical and expected from a bunch of bullies. You can dish it out, but you can't take it when people stand up to you.

      No links and no signatures this time.

      Delete
    5. I believe it's more due to you and Gorila (and the rest of AG) riding on the success of the New Order. Try creating something without the help of the New Order; something original to you, your group and your cause.

      I would give a suggestion, but I can't think of one off the top of my head right now.

      Regardless of where we all stand, we are happy to have helped enhance your game-play experience within Eve Online and the feelings are mutual as it's more exciting with AG on field; Highsec was boring until the New Order.

      Delete
  8. Oh, and James... Someone left a message for you. That message is as follows:

    :SOM: Go away and drizzle some ass juice on your grandma, I heard that taco slurper thinks it's incredible. :EOM:

    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can handle dirty, but your horrible reek is just a bit unbearable. And why does every town that you are in stinks of pickled anus?

    ReplyDelete
  10. My brothers,

    current game mechanics do little to help us enjoying AFK mining. But today I will share a little trick with you how to lower the risk. Make an lowskill disposable alt char. Make that char shoot you in mining belt with civilian gun once. CONCORD spawn will appear at your mining site. Gankers can't gank until CONCORD is here. They must shoot random custom office to make that spawn warp away. So, lock one of CONCORD ships for easy situation evaluation. If ship is gone - you are in danger.

    Luring away CONCORD ships will take some time for CODists, so your risk timeframe will be shorter. So you will need to check your screen less often. I did it few times to save my Invicible Orca.

    Leader of MLF,
    Steelwings Angel.

    Miner Liberation Front - honor, integrity, profit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it's an invincible orca why does it need saving?

      Delete
    2. Yes please do this. We'll laugh our asses off when you get banned for it! Plus, if you're AFK, how are you going to notice your Concord ships are gone?

      Delete
    3. Hello, Anonymous!

      Let me share a little trick that is used to counter your trick. (Counter-tricking?)

      One criminally flagged ganker in a noobship undocks and pulls CONCORD from the belt at the same time the other dozen or so *non* flagged gankers are undocking and warping to your undefended Orca. You now have a matter of seconds to get your Orca aligned and warping to safety. The gank fleet will probably be landing just about the time CONCORD disappears from their guard duty.

      While spawning CONCORD in the belt to protect your ship isn't technically an exploit unless you biomass the character you're using to spawn CONCORD once it's sec status is in the negative (biomassing and rerolling to avoid sec status penalties applies to miners no less than it does to gankers), there are plenty of *very* easy ways to eliminate the safety CONCORD provides.

      Your best protection is actually being at your computer at all times while in space and watching for threats. Spawning CONCORD in the belt and thinking that they will save you will eventually lead to the loss of ship and likely pod. And of course, permit tank is best tank.

      Delete
    4. Anon 12:09

      You must be that new breed of ganker, crying about game mechanic exploits (That aren't even exploits btw) instead of adapting to the situation around you. Do you really think James wants knights like you around, bitching and moaning if a miner out smarts you?

      Next you're going to be complaining about pilots dumping their ship in an Orca when you attack them.

      Delete
    5. Getting banned for spawning CONCORD in a belt? I don't think so. I asked a GM that very specific question and they said that it was legal. I still have the ticket so I can point to it in case some GM tries to ban me for it.

      Delete
  11. To Anonymous at 8:12 AM

    Because invincibilty can be achieved not by damage absorbtion but by evasion. Sun Tzu once said something about being like a willow on the wind. Since the New Order is using mongolian horse archers strategy, that's the only way.

    BR,
    SA.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Is it just me or anti gankers need to post in the comments for some form of attention

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They have to use this site because no one really reads anti-ganking.

      Delete
  13. Since you put a link to this site in game, this is a good place to share information with miner who have encountered codelikes.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Legoles was mining 4 years,
    Had no isk but had many tears,
    He lost his "free space",
    Claimed the order was fake,
    But knew his direction was clear.

    Legoles he was not afraid,
    New Order was his holiday,
    His CEO was the shit,
    The New Order they'd whip,
    And "manufacture" a victory.

    Mining "consultants" abound,
    The New Order is still around,
    When the moment is right,
    Legoles podded on sight,
    And the CODE will not fail to astound.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another New Order success poem!

      Delete
  15. Hmm. I think I gotta go with a LOTR motif for that 2nd verse:

    Legoles, he had the ONE ring,
    It was all he had left of his bling,
    The power it grants,
    Puts New Order in trance,
    And sets then up nice for his "sting".

    ReplyDelete
  16. "Everyone's heard of us. We're a huge deal"
    No, a stinky fart is a huge deal, and far more damaging than code.
    bwahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This too shall pass, lol

      Delete
    2. The saviour said: "They don't need a "warning" before they get ganked. They've already been warned. Carebears of highsec, the time for warnings is over. The time for payment has come."
      http://www.minerbumping.com/2014/04/who-you-gonna-call-part-2.html

      The Code is a big deal. Because Stone... uh James 315 said so!

      Delete

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