Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Bad Acts, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Eight-year EVE veteran Baddaxe lost a fail-fit Retriever and a pod in Hek. Luckily, one of the gankers took it upon herself to help him. It was Agent Crash Bang Zoom, who weathered the storm of his insults with dignity and grace, in typical New Order fashion. Crash told Baddaxe that his problems would be solved with the help of the Saviour of Highsec. Suddenly, Baddaxe seemed receptive. But was his change of heart genuine--or a carebear ruse?

Crash was excited when Baddaxe expressed an interest in seeing what the Saviour had to offer him. So far, so good.

The ruse didn't last long. To be fair, highsec miners aren't known for their patience. Baddaxe probably did the best he could.

Baddaxe gloated about being able to mine freely in the system. Like most miners who claim to be content, he didn't seem very happy.

Despite his rebellious attitude, Baddaxe couldn't help but be curious about the Father of the New Order. They don't call me "the most interesting man in highsec" for nothin'.

Crash continued to learn more about the miner she was trying to help. Unfortunately, Baddaxe was another one of those "If you had done X, then I would have done Y" types. Every miner will obey the Code eventually, but those guys will surely be the last to comply.

The miner's claims of success rang hollow, but they still called for an investigation. Was Baddaxe really getting away with mining in a Hulk, right under Agent Crash's nose?

Not every skill improves with practice. Despite their constant lying, miners are bad at it. Baddaxe's plan failed.

Baddaxe asked our Agent what it was like to be a "low life lying scum sucking pig that can't really fight." There was no need to answer; Baddaxe had plenty of first-hand knowledge.

Say it with me now, readers...


All in all, Baddaxe found his experiment with resistance to the Code to be deeply unsatisfying. He left for greener pastures. But not before he updated his bio:

Baddaxe took a break from EVE for a few weeks to cool off. When he returned, he took a trip through a trade route and witnessed Agent Myevil Gankalt enforcing the Code against another offender. Baddaxe checked Myevil's bio and discovered she, too, was an Agent of the New Order! Baddaxe convo'ed her.

Why do rebels insist on calling our Agents player owned stations?

Baddaxe's vacation from EVE wasn't long enough; he hadn't calmed down one bit. One could only hope that he hadn't gotten any worse.

I think I understand now why CCP opted to limit the functionality of the walking-in-stations content. At any rate, Baddaxe remains a work in progress. He recently spent some time in wormholes, where he uselessly lost a small number of Drakes. Our Agents are cautiously optimistic about his chances of recovery.


  1. Don't need to buy salt, after reading this I can just turn my computer on its side and shake it over my food...

    I regret starting off EVE as a miner. >.> This website is amazing.

    ~Zoe Worclaw

  2. Such a cynical site. You only post the worst that you encounter. You villainize ALL miners to help cauterize any conscience you might have had left while doing your vile deeds.

    1. ...while providing content to thousands of players. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean its bad. People seem to forget its just a game.

      On the other hand... praise James!!!!

    2. James also posts the Miners that see the light and become Gallants.. The problem is that there are way more of the "worst that we encounter" in space. We call them Goofuses (Goofi?).

      So, please try to calm down. If you witness a miner becoming a Gallant, feel free to send the story to James 315 for potential publishing on your favorite Eve Online blog.

    3. @Anon7:28

      Everything that is posted on this site is true. I mean, The Saviour, while extremely powerful, literally can't make this stuff up.

      As to the accusation that "the Saviour only posts negative stuff about Miners," I ask you:

      Have you ever had a positive interaction with a miner? Ask yourself that.

      At best, they're greedy, penny-pinching tightwads. At worst, they're completely ineffective and profane losers.

      As such, we are doing them, and everyone else in Highsec, a favor by killing them.

    4. #blacklivesmatter

    5. #bitchbearlivesdontmatter

  3. Antiganking is failing nonstop daily continously all the time!!!!1

    1. Code is wanking nonstop daily continuously all the time!!!!1

  4. meh, seems made up.

  5. Story should have remained untold.

  6. Keep up the good work Crash Bang – Hek is a beautiful solar system that doesn't deserve to be plagued by ongoing infestations of unlicensed Retrievers. Praise James! \0/

  7. We have such wonderful agents!

    Well done you two :)

  8. Dearest James,
    The miners' fixation and demands for sexual acts from either you or your agents raises a few questions:

    1) How did you gain these skills or reputation, since I cannot find these type of skill books in any station?
    2) Is the sexual obsession expressed by miners a side effect of drilling asteroids all day?
    3) Are your agents allowed to live within 1000 yards of a school while in their station quarters?

    Keep up the good work, always a fun read!

    1. To fill you in;

      James 315 has been one of the most prolific posters in the EVE Community since starting EVE in 2006.

      Early on, He was aligned with Goons, and was active in the ancient Great War, where He did psyops and was very, very good. However, the place where He particularly shined was in His posts. He was successful in pulling one of the first large-scale ISK heists in EVE, netting somewhere between 100-500 bil with his organization Currin Trading, which set up a company called EVE Investment Bank, or EIB, which set the gold-standard of Ponzi Scheming within EVE, long before Bernie Sanders went to jail for it.

      Furthermore, He was known for his posts dubbed "The History Of All Of EVE Parts 1 and 2" which were complete histories of EVE from 2004 onwards, written from the perspective of the Saviour Himself, and pretty fantastic reads by themselves.

      In 2008-9 James began to be Called to address the problem of the conduct of Highsec miners, and began to start bumping them out of mining range in order to force them to interact with people. He then went and did His quest which granted him with His Invincible Stabber, which to this day, has neither been defeated nor damaged, and yet has slain every foe that dared to cross Him.

      In early 2012 James formalized His word and gave it Form, in what is now Known as the New Halaima Code of Conduct, rising to the rank of Saviour of Highsec in the process. It was so revolutionary among the residents of Highsec that He was immediately and unanimously elected Supreme Protector of Highsec, a post that He retains to this day.

      It has not been an easy road for the Saviour, but relative to all of our other struggles, He has, by comparison, made it look easy, and is one of the most well-known and loved figures in all of EVE Online.

    2. @Anon3:20

      I must have really gotten to you, haven't I?

  9. They don't actually want to fight, but they still want to be perceived as "tough." So they use profane language and shocking imagery.

  10. antigankers are failing non-stop daily

  11. Agreed. I also find it interesting their go-to insult is to call someone a variation on "Faggot". Says a lot about them, really.


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