Wednesday, December 9, 2015

They Say It Never Happens

Let's change things up a bit, dear reader. How about a mystery?


Gank Catalyst ganked by gank Catalyst in highsec shocker! Capt Flashpoint was closing in on a miner in Verge Vendor when he was unexpectedly ganked--by an Agent of the New Order? Had Zopiclone turned Anti-Ganker?!


To untangle this perplexing incident, we must go all the way back to March of this year, when a fail-fit Orca was destroyed by Agent Big G Chelien during a wardec.


In response to the fruits of that righteous war, the Orca pilot and her corpmate and/or alt bought mining permits. Learza Thiesant vowed to be a compliant from then on. His mining ship was the one that had been almost attacked by Capt Flashpoint, before Zopiclone intervened.


Flashpoint joined the MinerBumping channel, where he was met by Zopiclone.


The young ganker's heart seemed to be in the right place, but he was confused. He needed guidance, the kind that the New Order is in the business of providing.


Zopiclone and Agent HotShotX Warcastle agreed to sponsor Flashpoint's next gank operation. They felt he was a good investment.


Unfortunately, Flashpoint returned from PvP to report an unsuccessful gank.


Young gankers are filled with passion, but they need someone to help direct their fury, to channel it toward a productive goal.


Flashpoint had tried to gank the permit-owning miner again. He was flying a Mackinaw, not a Retriever, and--like all Gallant miners--was very heavily tanked.


According to the Anti-Gankers, the New Order is filled with a bunch of lying, sociopathic extortionists who would never dream of honoring a permit. As usual, the Anti-Gankers are wrong.


In truth, the New Order isn't about destroying highsec; it's about saving highsec. Everyone who plays the game in good faith benefits from what we do. Bot-aspirants, on the other hand...


With help from his mentors, Flashpoint was able to return triumphantly from battle. He'd learned a lot about elite PvP from our Agents--enough to perform a little elite PvP of his own. If you're an Anti-Ganker, you've probably been told that mining permits are worthless. It's time to open your eyes to the amazing truth!

37 comments:

  1. This brings me back. Couple years ago I was bored and decided to try making an alt and flying with the New Order.

    Started a trial account, trained up the skills listed on the relevant page on this blog, fitted out a Catalyst, and headed to one of the systems near Halaima. The New Order was hard at work in that system, and I introduced myself, warping to a belt where they had just trashed an industrial ship and some other stuff. The pod was still floating in space. I asked if I could pop it, and they told me to wait until they gave the word, so I did -- then I tried to open fire, and had to turn off safety -- and next thing you know I had my very first killmail.

    Fawn Tailor invited me into channel and I talked to him on Vent about how ganking worked, and what I had to do. Had an awesome, awesome day flying with a Catalyst fleet and wrecking miners. Didn't log in the next day, but still, really fond memories. Sometimes I think about going back for more.

    Seriously, it's really easy to try out ganking yourself! I recommend it to any carebear on the fence -- just make a throwaway alt, train a killer Catalyst according to 315's guide on this blog, and find yourself a Venture. Who knows, maybe it'll even have a PLEX in it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ganking is almost too easy if done right. Picking on untanked retrievers and covetors and hulks you can solo gank in 0.5. And if sec status is going to bother you, you can buy tags to restore it. Around 100mil from -2 to 0.

      Ventures are obviously easy too even when tanked, though be aware they have 2 warp core stabs built in, so if their owner is alert they might slip away if you haven't got your gun range sorted before firing.

      Delete
    2. @Chris

      I don't agree with your use of the term "picking on." The New Order does not "pick on" untanked retrievers and covetors and hulks and ventures. What we are doing is called "Enforcing the Law of Highsec and the Will of James 315, so that We may save Highsec from the Profane Grip of Bot Aspirancy."

      However, you are right about everything else; and the reason why Code-Compliant Retrievers, Hulks, and Covetors survive is precisely because they are tanked. Hulks not so much though. It's not outright heresy to fly a Hulk, but it has built-in anti-AFK protection.

      Delete
    3. Okay.

      *I* pick on ships, because I'm not fussed about your code, I enjoy the planning part of it.
      I'm far too lazy to be sneaky however, so I make it obvious I'm going to gank them by parking a catalyst next to them for a minute or two... Well it'd be obvious if they weren't AFK.

      Delete
  2. The verge vendor used to be so full of Uncompliant miners until agents Zopi and Snigie took to enforcing it, now it's full of compliance and love!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Antigankers are failing so hard right now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the shit I spew when drunk and fucking a kid in the ass. Please don't mind me.

      Delete
    2. Real Fake Wolf SopranoDecember 9, 2015 at 11:39 PM

      ^Guys! Don't listen to this guy! He is the fake fake Wolf Soprano! I like to make fun of rape and homosexuality but this isn't me! I would never say the word "Shit"! It is offensive!

      Delete
    3. The actual real fake wolf sopranoDecember 10, 2015 at 1:57 AM

      Fake wolf Soprano 8:55 11:39 don't know what they are talking about. I'm the real Fake Wolf Soprano. Kneel to me bitches.

      Delete
    4. the genuine certified fake wolf sopranoDecember 10, 2015 at 12:07 PM

      Don't listen to these fakes, I'm the real fake wolf soprano. I'm super butthurt that I can't do anything against the juggernaught that is the new order so I spam comment pages and tell myself that's some kind of victory.

      *puts fingers back in ears and chants loudly*

      Delete
    5. Seriously Wolf?!? You could not be more wrong.

      Delete
    6. Not a wolf, fake or otherwiseDecember 10, 2015 at 7:11 PM

      Wow, it must be hell to feel that impotent against CODE.
      Thanks for the tears

      Delete
  4. * Takes cocks out of mouth *

    Looks like Antiganking wins again

    * Puts cocks back in mouth *

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's got you so rused and angry, just by posting the same truth every day that you can't handle.

      I have to say, I'm impressed.

      Delete
    2. * Takes cocks out of mouth *

      Why don't you just shut the fuck up and undock once in awhile. Jesus Christ you are fucking useless, Ming

      * Puts cocks back in mouth *

      Delete
    3. Miner, calm down.

      And you can lose the profanity while you're at it.

      The Code specifically prohibits profanity from miners as a way to clean up the local discourse of Highsec.

      Get with the program.

      Delete
  5. I remember Big G Chelien catching that hapless Orca. We had wardecd that corp to support Agent Snigie Audanie's operations in the area. Dead Orca, miners buying permits, randomly showinv up on minerbumping - happy ending for all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The ceo's rage made it's own mb post!

      Delete
  6. In case you were wondering, the asshole of James 315 is so large, it can launch torpedoes. However, that only works when his ass is glowing. When it is not glowing, it is a black hole that sucks in all the code agent's dicks. Because a glowing ass requires a large amount of fuel to keep emitting light, James 315 must eat massive quantities of food. In order to fulfill that requirement, the code agents supply him with the corpses of their ganking victims.

    That's right folks, you heard it right here. James 315 is a cannbal who eats corpses to keep his ass glowing. The benefits of his weird glowing ass are as follows:

    1. It allows all code agents to find their leader in the game no matter where they are.

    2. Due to trans-warp tunneling, all agents get the glow no matter where they are.

    3. The glow gives the agents lots of Vitamin D and a nice tan.

    However, with all seeming good things, the weird glowing ass of the James 315 has a very dark side: The free thinking ability of the agents become compromised. The longer the exposure, the more bot-like the agents become. Soon, the asses of the code agents start to glow in a relay of sorts depriving all around them of the ability to think clearly. The problem though is that the weird glowing ass of James 315 cannot sustain it's output indefinitely, even with plenty of corpses. In this factor inversion, the glowing ass becomes a black sucking ass.

    In one documented instance of this, agent Loyalanon (aka Wolf Soprano) was in close proximity when this occurred and was sucked into the abyss. Although James 315 proctologist was able to extract Wolf's head from James's ass, Wolf suffered permanent brain damage so the only thing that he can post is "The CODE always WINS, Always." Such a sad state for a once shining star.

    In another documented incident, the transwarp tunnel was not shut down quickly enough and agent Ming Tso, sadly, ended up having his own head sucked up his own ass. As a result, he refuses to undock to this day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for posting that... I think we all know who has been impersonating wolf now. Bad troll is bad, back under the bridge with you....

      Delete
    2. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

      Delete
    3. Noob corpses are the best. Tender meat... mmmmmmm.... My ass glows just thinking about it.

      Delete
    4. @Asia Leigh: Actually, to tell the truth, I am not the one who is impersonating Wolf, and I don't know who is. But, I am glad that you enjoyed the troll.

      BM.

      Delete
    5. That looks like a wall of adolescent rage. Yet another confused and butthurt player. Is it an epidemic or just one very butthurt miner?

      Delete
    6. BM: You are missed brother. You're trolls will live on through us forever.

      o7

      Delete
  7. Anti ganking wins again,
    I mean, with this fit, everyone BUT ChODE. is winning.
    Who the fuck shield boosts a bomber? 40 keks.
    Thanks for the torps loot fairy.
    https://zkillboard.com/kill/50594776/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. looks like more win to me lol yolo kek

      Delete
    2. His entire kill history is one shrill scream of wat

      https://zkillboard.com/character/95232374/

      Pretty short history too, all things considered, and weird/awful Nemesis lossmails appear to be A Thing with him. Not sure what his particular story is, but I know there are pilots that like to troll elite PVP corporations by joining them and losing a series of bizarre, expensive ships.

      Delete
    3. Looks like he is doing something AG never does, playing the game and having fun.
      Why does AG even play EvE? Just to lose, always?

      Delete
  8. Yeah. The Barge was not saved by a mining permit but by fitting a proper tank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The barge was saved by an agent. You also seem confused and butthurt. I am beginning to see a pattern here.

      Delete
  9. Is it just me or is James on a recruitment drive or something?

    There are three types of gankers:
    1. Sociopaths- people who get off watching others suffer. Loyalanon perfect example. (ALWAYS!)

    2. Bittervets- People on their way out anyway. They start ganking then stop in a few months. Gorilla Vengaza perfect example.

    3. Vigilantes- People who know who they are because their alts are already white knights. They know why they fight.

    Good luck getting 3 to become 1 or 2. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmm. You seem confused and butthurt, must be a BM alt. That means your argument is invalid.

      Delete
    2. Wrong again buddy. I claim my posts.

      BM.

      Delete
    3. "Claim your post" from (as you describe it) behind an anonymous proxy and don't use your in-game name.
      You can hide your identity when you post your fail-troll scum but you can't hide from yourself.
      You know how demented you truly are on the inside to post about real-life tragic events as a joke and compare them to a video game.

      And then to top it off, because you know that what you post is in bad taste and violates not only the EULA but also common human decency; you do it anonymously and behind the guise of a self-named "internet troll".

      inb4 "Epic Tears Nitetime! Troll Successful! Someone responded to my post! I am best troll! Looks like I hit a nerve! ROFL LOL LMAO ROFL !!1!!"

      Delete
    4. Looks I pissed you off enough that you responded with a wall of text. Win for me.

      BM

      Delete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.