Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Elite PvP Advisor, Part 1

On occasion, carebears complain that the New Order mining permit requirement constitutes "extortion". Educated people know that it's actually comparable to a tax or user fee. The rebels and skeptics protest that the New Order doesn't provide highsec with any services. This is absurd, but it's worth taking a moment to reflect on all of the things we do for highsec. Consider, for example, a typical day for Agents Krig Povelli and Shin Dragoran, who make sure highsec stays beautiful.
Krig Povelli > Bad choice. Let me know if you change your mind..
Krig Povelli > DEFANDER
Krig Povelli > Do the sensible thing
Krig Povelli > You have a chance to save your ship
Krig Povelli > Lets be reasonable
Krig and Shin were clearing some debris left behind by mission runner DEFANDER. The carebear was using a Golem to run amok in a 0.5 security system. No doubt DEFANDER felt he was entitled to all of his wrecks, but he wasn't looting and salvaging them quickly enough for our Agents' taste. In response to their charitable activities, DEFANDER opened fire.
Krig Povelli > Friend
Krig Povelli > Let's talk about this
DEFANDER > self distruct... you're not getting this ship
The battle went poorly for DEFANDER. He had a lot of money to spend on his fancy ship, but he lacked the elite PvP skills mastered by our Agents.

DEFANDER initiated the self-destruct sequence on his ship--a tactic that the carebears are increasingly resorting to these days.
Krig Povelli > Kill: DEFANDER (Golem)
Krig Povelli > gf
DEFANDER > it was a good fight, but you didn't kill it
Krig Povelli > Um.. yes I did
Krig Povelli > The killmail says so
DEFANDER > 00:35:37 Notify Your Golem self-destructs.
Krig Povelli > You saved me ammo
While the Golem was tackled, Krig had offered to let him go, if only DEFANDER was willing to embrace the Code. He was not.
Krig Povelli > Kill: Nillith Astari (Osprey)
Krig Povelli > Kill: Nillith Astari (Capsule)
Krig Povelli > Kill: Nillith Astari (Thorax)
Krig Povelli > Kill: Nillith Astari (Capsule)
Krig Povelli > Please tell Nillith Astari to calm down
DEFANDER > that's the game
During the elite PvP battle, DEFANDER's fellow alliance member, Nillith Astari, had attempted to intervene on his behalf. Nillith lost a logi ship and a Thorax, as well as her two pods.
Nillith Astari > dont care mates
Shin Dragoran > gf
Nillith Astari > gf urself
Krig Povelli > Nillith Astari it means "good fight"
Nillith Astari > yea and i said to you go f yourself is that hard to understand
...She also lost her composure.
Krig Povelli > I think you need a cup of Chamomile tea
Shin Dragoran > miner calm down
Krig Povelli > It helps to calm the nerves
Nillith Astari > oh yea fair pvp is attacking a salvaging ship so you can bait and kill a logi and a golem
Nillith Astari > bra freaking ro
Carebears rarely appreciate elite PvP, even when they get a chance to experience it. No wonder they don't put in the effort needed to become elite PvP warriors like our Agents.
Krig Povelli > You attacked me first
Shin Dragoran > it was honorable p vs p
Krig Povelli > I was just cleaning up space garbage
Nillith Astari > because you attacked the salvager
Nillith Astari > yea well cleanup yourselves first mate
Nillith Astari > bravo on killing my logi you guys earned your ribbons for the bloody day
Nillith Astari > why dont you go back to mommy and put that ribbon in a frame
Despite ample practice, most carebears are poor losers.
Nillith Astari > you did great now f off and stop contacting me
Shin Dragoran > you were repping
Shin Dragoran > are you saying we should let you rep and not engage?
Nillith Astari > yea you guys love bending it
Nillith Astari > stop contacting me and f off mate
Nillith broke off all contact with our Agents. They didn't even get a chance to offer her a mining permit. (A real shame, since they were on sale that day for only 10 million isk.) Was Nillith doomed to oblivion? Agent Shin Dragoran wasn't willing to let that happen. In that moment, he got a brilliant idea.
Shin Dragoran > DEFANDER your friend is really salty
DEFANDER > he should be... doesn't understand the full game mechanics
Shin Dragoran > I can teach him
DEFANDER > I'll let him know cause we are seriously lacking in PvP and he's eagre ro learn
Shin Dragoran > You could hire me as an advisor
Shin Dragoran > I won't charge isk, I just need a shelter corp for a couple weeks
It was time for our Agents to provide yet another service to highsec: Shin Dragoran prepared to join the carebears' alliance as an elite PvP advisor!

To be continued...


  1. Oh this is going to go very well..... as ALWAYS!

  2. I detect an AWOX in the near future...

  3. Replies
    1. https://49.media.tumblr.com/7bcdc00ca555808c52c011deda0b8e19/tumblr_nce1hv67iZ1tmhhoqo1_400.gif

  4. But where was antiganking1! Thats right they were in uedama with front row seats to the freighters blowing up on your face happy hour!! 111

  5. It's like.... Anti-ganking is getting Freighters blown up on their faces DAILY!!!!

    Why can't they do anything to stop it????

  6. Always nice to see someone willing to learn. Remember, Jesus was a teacher too.

  7. I can't wait to see how the honorable agents of CODE give instruction in PvP.

  8. Bullies bullying idiots as usual

    1. I agree to a certain extent. True, those corp CEOs of mining corps are bullying their members by not teaching them about the Code and encouraging bot-aspirancy. They also often discourage emergent gameplay.

      The one thing I disagree with as that all of these members of the corp are idiots. Most of them just don't know any better. They just need someone to show them the ropes and be a good role model like Shin Dragoran.

  9. Achieving directorship in 3...2...

    1. I see you have read a few of these too. I loled

  10. Why, I bet he gets a director role.

    For reasons.

    Mike Adoulin


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