Tuesday, July 19, 2016

An Agent's Life for Me

The bots and bot-aspirants try to glide through EVE and make as little impact on other players as possible. The Agents of the New Order, on the other hand, know that an EVE career's worth is not to be measured in isk. It's to be measured by the number of people's lives it has enriched.

Agent Aaaarrgg has delivered content to so many. This week, he reached a milestone: 15,000 kills.

For his fifteen thousandth kill, Aaaarrgg destroyed one of the most pitiful of mining vessels: an anti-tanked Covetor.

The owner of the freshly salted wreck was Moocowa Mo. She'd been given content by Agents before--including Aaaarrgg himself.

As he was celebrating his 15,000th kill, Aaaarrgg was feeling especially generous. He even tossed the miner some isk.

Then came the true generosity. He introduced Moocowa to the Saviour of Highsec and the Code.

Despite having been ganked by CODE. before, Moocowa didn't yet fully understand the implications of its existence. This is why we don't give up on a miner after the first gank. Everyone learns at his or her own pace. But fast or slow, in the end they must all learn the same thing.

The miner, too, was in a festive mood. She'd lost a mining barge, but Aaaarrgg's enthusiasm was particularly infectious on this day. Moocowa left local chat and initiated a private convo with Aaaarrgg so she could learn how to buy a permit.

Now she had something of her own to celebrate.

The Agent retained another EVE player. Who knows how much subscription revenue CCP owes directly to Aaaarrgg?

But while Aaaarrgg was conversing with Moocowa in private, the miners in local were getting restless. After selling a mining permit to Moocowa, our Agent returned to deal with them.

Ah, highsec. 15,000 kills, but so much work left to be done.

Miners are frequently demoralized to learn that CCP's vision of EVE has a lot more in common with the New Order's than with their own. (At least when it comes to CCP's marketing department.)

Carebear apologist Paul Hauls conceded the New Order's legitimacy under the EULA, the game mechanics, and CCP's philosophy. He appealed instead to the Agent's own conscience. What kind of man did Aaaarrgg want to be?

The choice was easy. His was the life of a New Order Agent.


  1. Zopiclone brought more content to AG than all the devs combined! Praise Zopiclone!

    1. Praise Zopiclone! He\she did what Anti Ganking could never do. Bend your mind on the fucking possibilities. AG step up your level of game. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! Stop being insane AG! Follow the enlightenment Zopiclone showed you.

    2. Господи, да какой там страх? Какое пвп? Что вы называете пвп? Убийство нубов на нубошипах? AFK, автопилот игроков? Прилитайте к нам в дрон регионы и вы увидете пвп... Стрельба по котятам, никак не ассоциируется с волками, есть другие из семейства псовых, более мелкие. Шакалы называются.
      Просто глупое поднятие Чувства собственной важности.

  2. Lol I love "We're trying to have a space-society here and you're fucking it up, dude." tears.


  3. Why didnt antiganking stop the gank?

    1. Why didn't loyalanon take his Ritalin to stop his stuttering about nonsense? Ritalin is easy!

  4. Antigsnking doesn't stop ganks, they help Concord punish gankers. They are like hall monitors, remember?

  5. Antigsnking doesn't stop ganks, they help Concord punish gankers. They are like hall monitors, remember?

    1. "And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice"
      -Henry Hill, Goodfellas

    2. but getting 0 damage on a concord killmail will definitely put a stop to code XDXDXDDDDDD

    3. It certainly stopped you.

    4. Wolf self destructs/implodes anyways. No need to even try anti ganking him when or if he comes back.

    5. Oh, he is in the game. Character name is 'Loyal Anon' from what I am told.

    6. @1223 you do understand that ccp only banned the loyalanon character and it's account, it's SOP.

      Wolf, like any other real EvE player has more accounts that are not banned by ccp, and if he cared enough to start freighter ganking again in uedama, ccp would not bat an eye.

      You fucking crybears are such ignorant players. Learn the game.

      If you have never had a character banned it is because you don't care enough about EvE to push the 'limits' that were 'not' set by ccp when they originally sold us this game as a completely open pvp sandbox.

      Sadly, with ccp now ran by a vag, banns for playing the gane to it's full potentila (i.e. correctly) will soon be the norm

  6. I remember when i could gank.

    Miss you

  7. But where oh where is Ming?

  8. I literally LOL'd at:

    "I'm surprised you didn't explode undocking"

    Comedy gold!

  9. hear that Jamey has commissioned a new wing of CHODE. charged with bumping Pokemon Go players as they walk around city streets. This is enforced unless they pay the CHODE. agent with a $30 Starbucks gift card, good for one year.

    There appears to be no level of extortion Jamey will stoop too.

    1. @247
      Hey Corky! I am so pleased that you are able to post here. And speaking your mind, no matter how downsey, is very mature of you.


  10. Surprised you didn't explode when you undocked. Pure gold!

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