Sunday, July 31, 2016

Kills of the Week

The New Order is the one great institution of highsec. It's a structure supported by many pillars, two of the most important being the pillars of Decency and Respect. Decency toward, and respect for, other players, the Code, and the principles of the competitive PvP emergent gameplay sandbox that is EVE Online. Living the values of the New Order has raised our Agents to great heights. But what happens to players who exhibit a lack of decency and respect in highsec? They end up as killmails on Kills of the Week posts. Such as the post for the week of July 24th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 30th @ 23:59 EVEtime.



Not to "yacht shame", but it's utterly ridiculous that ZliDust was flying a ship called a "Victorieux Luxury Yacht". Was he unaware of what the Code has to say about decadence? He went on an AFK pleasure cruise through the trade routes of highsec, where he was met by Agents Lucia, Snapcase, and Eva Mavas. It turned out that the yacht was carrying war matériel.


Though zKillboard assigned the blueprint copies no value, the collection was worth an estimated 5.5 billion isk.



Mackinaw pilots have been doing terrible things lately. Alex Trape blinged-up his yield-fit Mack with expensive shield modules, which is basically the same as anti-tanking one's ship. He further insulted highsec by mining ore in a 0.9 security system. Carebears claim to be pro-newbie, but how can they maintain that position while stealing ore from newbies? Agents Hulk Poddington, Lawrence Lawton, Mack Poddington, and James Poddington found out and immediately put a stop to it.



Darth White didn't bother with the blingy shield mods or the 0.9 security ore theft. His was a more high-profile crime, though: His ship was equipped with two illegal ORE Strip Miners. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg wasted no time in eliminating another pair of ORE Strip Miners from the chessboard.



Goodtotem didn't bother with a permit, but he did have the presence of mind to equip his freighter with three bulkhead mods. With over 334,000 hitpoints, he was confident no one could break his tank. However, he loaded his ship with cargo to the point that it was worth over 15.6 billion isk. He soon drew the attention of gankers from the New Order and the Goons' Ministry of Love: Ilsanore lea, The O'Reilly Factor, Bratok Srayona, Perlo Tissant, Bulkheads Won'tsaveyo (heh), Ricki Lake Show, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, BoneyTooth Thompkins ISK-Chip, BAE B BLUE, Bob Painter, Fabulous Andy, Jet Set Milly, BAE B PEW, Inspector Implant, Yojiro, dAbOsSlAdY77, Collateralized Contracts, Miros Homar, Elite Highsec PvP, Grant Bant, Gea Stormbound, Urban Worrier, Blasty McVoidFace, Skeezy McSkeez, and Howard Aihaken.

The freighter was carrying billions worth of Dysprosium, Promethium, Hyperflurite, and Dysporite--a bunch of nullsec nonsense, I presume.



Meanwhile, Esab anti-tanked his Occator within an inch of its life. Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, Marina Gankalot, and Carebears' Nightmare rallied a group of Thrashers and popped it. The 1.2 billion isk killmail resulted from a large quantity of Transmitters and Viral Agents--a bunch of PI nonsense, I presume.



People think I joke about the concept of "capacitor tanked" ships, but GallenteCitizen20080424's 2.1 billion isk Sin proved that it's no laughing matter. The sinfully decadent Black Ops ship was purged from highsec by the New Order and its Russian friends: Podliy Alkonavt, al-qa idah, SHTRIG, WolfDim, Aida Torture, Freedoms Bererund, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, Benglish, Drunken Nukem, Rei Ayannami, Rachel O'Conor, Sil Ver, Tin Lime, Alarik Maleus, and HABEPHO.



Kwane Skord didn't bother shielding his 3 billion isk pod with so much as a shuttle. He AFK'ed his way through highsec until he met his predictable end--death at the hands of Agent Winnie Po0h.


If your personal killboard has this many losses marked with orange portraits of me, you might be doing something wrong.


Billions worth of crystals, shattered in an instant. Carebears, protect your ships with something more durable. A mining permit, for example.

17 comments:

  1. The official cool down time has passed. I know give permission for AG and other non-agents to post. Please remember to calm down prior to posting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fucking retard.

      Delete
    2. Miner, thank you for waiting for the proper permission to post, but please try to calm down next time.

      Delete
    3. I don't need your permission.

      Delete
  2. Glorious victories for the New Order and its valiant Agents!

    Thank god CCP changed the dominix ship model - no more space potato!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow ag really have let themselves go with the whole failing non-stop daily!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have discovered the real life name of James 315. He real in-life name is Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. He is trying to declare highsec his caliphate where he and his code agents can oppress those who do not think like they do. But, as we can see in real life, as the new order loses territory, they resort to more terrorism activities (ganking freighters). So beware the shiny glowing ass of the caliphate, if you are not careful, you will be pulled into their hatred.

    BM.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only hatred i see is the hisec carebears hating on everyone who wants to play EvE properly, as a pvp sandbox. But the carebears are all subhuman, i.e. bots, so who cares.

      Delete
  5. But where oh where is Ming?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow things really must be going downhill, with the Kills of the week. It is just not the same since loyal got the ban hammer, now he could sniff out the good decadent ones and put a lot more up. Everyone else are just amateurs compared to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. 15 bil. ISK freighter kill is "downhill". Check zkillboard if you want to get your fix. James is just highlighting particularly interesting kills, not just the highest value.
      Feel free to write your own kills of the week article and post it on the hisec militia blog that no one reads.

      Delete
    2. Wait wut? Hisec what? Failitia?

      You gotta be kidding me, those losers actually have a blog?

      I bet you the comments section is moderated so they dont have any dissenting opinions posted.

      Then again, who is gonna spend time reading their blog if it is anything like the drivel they spout in game.

      Delete
  7. He is too busy trolling here to have time to play... Oh wait. He can't play. Important safety tip, don't be a loyal/wolf

    Troll on Wolf.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He can't play huh?

      Should I tell him? :D lol

      Delete
    2. Don't tell him, he's having too much fun killing carebrars on his other characters.

      Delete

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