Saturday, July 2, 2016

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #109

Our Agents have achieved mastery of every kind of highsec combat situation you can think of. We hold the initiative. The enemies of the New Order cannot dictate the terms of engagement; battles only occur at a time and place of our own choosing.


...Some rebels haven't figured out what this means. It's time for another series of miscellaneous lessons about highsec life from the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!


They say you're supposed to wait 30 minutes after eating before going into a swimming pool. I'd always assumed this was a myth, but perhaps there's something to it. Jojo Gunne's dog shouldn't have gone swimming so soon after eating Jojo's homework.


Getting a foot in the door isn't always pretty, but it's worth it.


Roderick Cruz has it wrong: We never delete EVEmails like his. We add them to the miner's permanent record.


I'm told the GMs have been suffering from an extreme backlog of petitions over the past few months. People like InquistorEisenhorn aren't helping matters. The Code used to have a provision cautioning the miners against filing frivolous petitions, but CCP made us remove it. I wonder if they regret that decision?


Marlin en Marland may be a bot-aspirant carebear, but at least he's honest enough not to make up a story about heroically saving orphaned dogs from a burning building or whatever.


"The breasts of the community"? It must get lonely in the highsec asteroid belts.


Another "en Marland" confessed to her crimes. Agent Aaaarrgg set her straight:


People often lose their most expensive ships and implants in highsec. If you wouldn't do it in low/null, don't do it here. I mean, lowsec and nullsec don't even have a Code. We expect better.


It's not uncommon for me to receive EVEmails like this. I've noticed that they tend to be very vague, rarely mentioning specifics of the alleged offenses--or even Agents' names. Is the complaint sincere, or is it a form of concern trolling? The investigation begins:


Case closed. Detective work is even easier than they make it look on TV.


Beware the miner who tries to "summarize" the Code.

I'd like to conclude this edition of the Grab Bag by giving some rare kudos to the Anti-Gankers. We've all had plenty of laughs at the Anti-Gankers' expense from time to time. Their silliness, their ineptitude--it's all in good fun. Rarely do we give them credit. In this instance, Anti-Ganker Stupid Mertie performed a valuable service for the "Gank-Intel" channel by providing an accurate report of what his scout alt witnessed in the Madirmilire system:


That's some fine intel.

54 comments:

  1. "That's some fine intel."

    That is some fine satire, sir. You win.
    Always!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol antigankers getting mad over a video game.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol Wolf Soprano/loyal anon has nothing to get mad at since hes banned from the video game. He gave up playing even with the non banned loyal anon because he is a quitter. Praise be to Zopiclone who crushed your willpower by undermining your trust.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Praise Zopiclone

      Delete
    2. Those salty tears. Thankyou for taking the time to respond xddd

      Stay mad nub xd

      Delete
    3. Those salty tears. Thankyou for taking the time to respond xddd

      Stay mad nub xd

      Delete
    4. Those salty tears. Thankyou for taking the time to respond xddd

      Stay mad nub xd

      Delete
    5. Thank you for your shitposting response wolfie. I was beginning to worry that you became insignificant. Oh wait. QQ more
      three more times to let us hear you cry. Satisfaction guaranteed.

      Delete
    6. I think its great that Wolf only has to post a simple reply to make the local crybears all excited.
      Crybears try so hard to shitpost, but Loyal just laughs at them. This only makes them madder so they shitpost even harder.
      It's almost as if the crybears have a condition that will not allow them to not shitpost when trolled.

      It's a vicious circle, but fun for us!

      Delete
    7. Exactly. We in CODE have very little class and try to troll everyone.

      Delete
  4. When will the silly miners of Highsec finally learn their lessons?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Omg that anti ganking channel report. Whoa... my sides...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea that play-by-play had me loling.
      AG fails are always funny, but that one was on a different level.
      Sitting on the gate 'reporting' on agents movements seems a bit juvenile, like the child who always keeps the teacher 'informed' as to what is happening with the other kids.

      Delete
  6. Miners of hisec, your leaders have failed.
    Convert now and let the CODE guide you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh. Hai! Settle down CODE. You must have done something to these people to get such responses every week for the last 4 years. It's ok if you haven't figured it out by now. We wouldn't expect you to figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please cry more 524. Show us where the mean CODE Catalyst touched you!

      Delete
    2. Oh baby. Your catalyst touched me nowhere. Because you're banned and now you just play the game of angry resident shitposter. Bravo. Have fun touching yourself. Embrace the warmth of your mother.

      Delete
    3. That 212 is a salty biatch. Always lying about not being ganked, with no proof.
      And he thinks he's talking to Loyal.

      Delete
    4. How can he provide evidence of something that wasn't killed?

      Delete
  8. Whats missing from AG?
    Just the F.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? What's the dammed F stand for?

      Delete
  9. " "The breasts of the community"? It must get lonely in the highsec asteroid belts. "

    I spit some coffee.
    CODE wins daily!

    Now where's that community tittie?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Getting the most from your treatment
    •Do not take zopiclone for longer than your doctor advises. It is only recommended for a maximum period of four weeks. This is because your body gets used to this medicine quickly, and after this time it is unlikely to have the same effect. Your body can also become dependent on it when it is taken for longer than this.
    •The tablets will make you sleepy and you could still feel sleepy the next day. Do not drive or use tools or machines on the following day unless your reactions have returned to normal.
    •Do not drink alcohol while you are on zopiclone. It will increase the risk of side-effects such as sleepwalking and doing other things which you are unable to remember when you wake up.
    •When you stop taking zopiclone, your doctor may advise you to reduce the dose slowly to help prevent your sleep problems from returning. Follow any directions you are given.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Swallow that Zopiclone deep and swallow it hard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot to say trebek. Zopiclone says " suck it long, suck it hard "?

      Delete
    2. Zopiclone says " Bend over and grab your ankles "

      Delete
    3. Zopiclone says " Bake me a cake "

      Delete
    4. Zopiclone says "I'll play those carebears like a harp from hell"

      Delete
  12. Zopiclone says " Cook me dinner "

    ReplyDelete
  13. Zopiclone says " Make me some pancakes "

    ReplyDelete
  14. Zopiclone says " You dropped your soap "

    ReplyDelete
  15. Zopiclone says " Pass me what's leftover of CODE "

    ReplyDelete
  16. Zopiclone says " Your ass is grass "

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dude you messed up my shitposting flow. Anyways as I was saying. Zopiclone says " Code - this is why we can't have nice things "

    ReplyDelete
  19. Zopiclone says " fuck you finances win I lost my train of though. Going back to the heroin addiction. "

    ReplyDelete
  20. CODE baking cancer since 2012.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "This shows Codes wanton intentions to kill, maim and demoralize"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EvE is a pvp sandbox, an yet they post crap like that everywhere.
      Not too bright, those hisec whiners.

      Delete
    2. I mean its not like they can post about the "greatness" of code on r/eve without it getting down voted away. r/eve is freaking relentless.

      Delete
  22. High class shitposting by chodes loyal anon wolf right here

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. chode chode chode chode chode i'm so witty i can say chode chode chode.

      Thanks Corky, i loled

      Delete
  23. Zopiclone says "I'll tell 'em i used to be a carebear miner!"

    ReplyDelete
  24. Four more years!
    Four more years!
    Four more years!

    ReplyDelete
  25. AG will regret supporting hisec bots when CCP realizes how bad bots hurt their bottom line and bans mining in hisec. That'll show 'em!

    XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Ban mining in hisec" You do realize how stupid that sounds right?

      Delete
    2. @726

      You should edit that, now that you know he was trolling the "ban suicide ganking in hisec" crowd.

      Maybe it worked?

      Delete
  26. Four more tears!
    Four more tears!
    Four more tears!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Four more beers!
    Four more beers!
    Four more beers!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Four more veers!
    Four more veers!
    Four more veeeeeeeeee W T F was I thinking?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Four more zopiclones!
    Four more zopiclones!
    Four more zopiclones! Overdose!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wow, this comment section really went sideways this week...!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I love posting a reply or two then waiting a few hours and just to see the salty carebear sperg is great.

    ReplyDelete

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