Wednesday, November 15, 2017

The Russian Poet, Part 1

The New Order is famous for destroying some of the juiciest, most expensive targets in EVE. But it's not only the decadent bling-boats that get ganked by our Agents. Big or small, the Code comes to them all.


Still, you might look at this killmail and think it was overkill: Agent Piz Caldera popped a Venture with a tech II fit Vexor. There's more to the story, though.


Agent Piz didn't sacrifice his Vexor. The Venture and his alt decided to attack Piz with their drones while he was suspect. (So much for ships that can't shoot back--they shot first!) It was on. Piz ultimately triumphed in the battle that followed.


Rezka Stalker couldn't handle losing, so he placed a bounty on Piz instead of buying 10 mining permits.


Piz Caldera is used to this sort of thing. He's one of the countless New Order Agents who, despite not being a member of the mighty CODE. alliance, has managed to become a celebrity in highsec. Enforcing the Code tends to have that effect.


A few minutes after wasting 100 million isk, Rezka sent Piz an EVEmail. Our hero didn't feel like running the message though a translator, and he didn't really need to. He immediately knew how to answer it:


I'm sure our Russian-speaking Agents will confirm that this was an appropriate reply.


Rezka was triggered by Piz's writing to him in English. (But to be fair, since CCP Leeloo was fired, Piz's EVEmail might be the closest thing to customer support Rezka is going to get.)


The miner couldn't wait for a reply. A few minutes later, he began to fire off a series of EVEmails to Piz.


Rezka assumed that Agent Piz would answer promptly. He didn't realize that our Agents are very busy--they've got all of highsec to run!


The miner continued to sit at his keyboard, waiting for Piz's answer. He grew impatient.


Nearly half an hour had passed since Piz's last communication. Rezka still wasn't calm. In fact, Piz's silence was killing him. Would Rezka's pain inspire him to Code-compliance? Or would he become even more angry?

Or, perhaps, would Rezka's pain inspire something else entirely?

To be continued...

28 comments:

  1. Meh, more staged 'elite pvp' by one of Jamey's slaves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Piz is actually a long-time Knight of the Order, and well respected by those who know him and/or his work.

      It certainly was Elite PvP in the sense that it completely outclassed the efforts of his opponents. On its own terms? It was still Elite PvP, for a Knight of the Order is incapable of turning in a shoddy performance.

      The Saviour of Highsec has no slaves. There is no compulsion to serve in the Order; you'll find only willing, enthusiastic, and free Agents there.

      Why not try it?

      Delete
    2. Although this carebears remarks after the fact was way off base and typical, I will give this guy some credit.

      At least he attempted to fight back. Not really a recommended action in a venture, but at least he tried and that is a small step in the right direction.

      Delete
    3. Calm down murder lovers.

      Delete
  2. antiganking is failing so hard right now.

    nice 2 for 1 gank - reminds me of kalynn shardani's final gank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loled. Shame on those ag child killing shitters and anyone who supports them.




      Always!

      Delete
    2. It wasn't a gank you dumb ass... Reading comprehension must be hard for you.

      Delete
    3. Anon1203 is triggered and wrong. (Must be a highsec shitter) Those ventures were definitely ganked.

      Retard.

      Delete
    4. No it was a bait, not a gank. Stop being bad, moron.

      You should keep your mouth shut if you don't know what the hell you are talking about.

      Delete
    5. Calm down murder lovers.

      Wolf your obsession with the codes favorite agent is unhealthy. Seek help.

      Anon504: They don't care they only follow what they are taught by their leader James, anything else like facts just get in the way.

      Delete
  3. Russian-speaking agent here:
    can confirm, that response was totally appropriate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would a translation be possible?

      Perhaps their Russian is more eloquent than their abuse of the English language: hope springs eternal.

      Delete
    2. Please note that most of it typically used as a complex form of "fuck you!"
      Direct translation follows:

      "Fucking bastard non-Russian bitch"
      "Get buried in a coffin without both top and a bottom"
      "I wish you hands to wither and rot"
      "I wish you got blind"
      "Rabid cattle"
      "Schmuck (beggar)"

      Delete
    3. Calm down murder lovers.

      Delete
  4. john pirtle aka Little johnnie piddles aka butthurtminer aka murderloveranonshitter aka typical ag shitter, where are your tears?

    I command you to appear and cry for your dinner!

    You alone are responsible for 50% of the page views on this site. How does it feel to be a Code supporter?

    #calmdownjonnieshitter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Triggered before even posting, triple win.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Yes! Of win!


      Always!

      Delete
    2. Loving murder and touching children just before praising shitdani and killing people.

      code does this: ALWAYS!

      Delete
  6. Where's little johnny shitstain? Maybe the cops got to him before he could harm any more children.



    Just say no, little johnny pedo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another triggered agent, sorry I'm late but we had to in-process another one of your agents due to his murder of a young child. But I take another triple win for you raging in here before I could fuck your little murder loving rants up.

      So murder lover, calm down and remember the law always wins. ALWAYS!

      Delete
    2. So angry, please calm down.

      Delete
    3. Yes Cryma please calm down.

      Delete
    4. Yes, the Code does always win. Always!

      Unlike fakecoplittlejohnnieshitter.

      Delete
  7. Its never overkill when targeting a rusian. Its a sport.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell me where the Russians touched you.

      Delete
  8. You Code fucks are the worst lowlife ever..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep crying Pandemic Horde anti ganker.

      Delete

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