Thursday, November 16, 2017

The Russian Poet, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Piz Caldera bested Rezka Stalker in elite PvP after the miner attacked our Agent with a Venture. Agent Piz was hopeful that the belligerent carebear could be reasoned with, but Rezka was angry about being spoken to in English instead of Russian.


Though Piz hadn't responded to any of Rezka's EVEmails yet, the miner was undeterred. Every time a new insult(?) popped into his mind, he sent Piz a message.


Rezka's ignorance of the New Order was on full display. Our organization is basically where all of the good people in EVE hang out.


As time went by without an answer from Agent Piz, Rezka tried speaking in Russian again. Maybe the Agent would tell him to calm down, at least? Rezka couldn't stand the silent treatment any longer.


The next day, Rezka woke up and checked his EVEmail. Still nothing! He cursed our Agent yet again. But it was a new day, and the miner held out hope that Piz would write back.


After another agonizing half hour of waiting, Piz still hadn't replied. Rezka was furious.


Rezka demanded an explanation. Is this what Agents of the New Order do? Blow up your Venture and not even write back the next day? For the next hour, Rezka sulked and wallowed in his pain. And yet, as they say, great pain can sometimes inspire great art. Rezka was inspired.


Putting pen to paper, Rezka composed a poem about Piz Caldera. I can only assume that the original draft was written in a spiral notebook and then transcribed to EVEmail.


Though Rezka wasn't writing in his native language, he managed to put his thoughts into verse. It probably rhymes in Russian.


Rezka Stalker could have ended his career as just another Venture pilot ganked by the New Order. He had greater ambitions than that. With his pen, he hoped to gain immortality.


Finally, the poem reached its conclusion. It was obvious that Rezka poured his heart and soul into his poem about Piz. Surely, surely, Piz would answer now. He just had to!


Rezka had indeed gotten Piz's attention. Our Agent graciously congratulated Rezka on losing their elite PvP battle the previous day.


The miner wasn't thrilled to be reminded about his epic defeat. The miner put down his pen and returned to his normal self. What Rezka didn't realize is that Piz intended to meet him again.


Only a few minutes later, Piz showed up in the same asteroid belt as Rezka and ganked his Venture. How would the miner react this time? Had he learned anything from his experiences and his poetry?


Same ol' Rezka. The spell was broken; the poem was an anomaly. Even so, the miner managed to earn a place among the greatest Russian poets of highsec.

46 comments:

  1. At first I was about to bash this carebear but they have some true potential as a future leader of human society.

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  2. That was actually a pretty kickass poem!

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  3. This is the most wonderful carebear rant I've seen on minerbumping! I hope that this becomes a thing and more rebels start sharing their feelings with poems.

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  4. "It probably rhymes in Russian."

    - comedy gold!!

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    Replies
    1. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  5. The miner says they cannot respond with force which is honesty that most carebears lack. No pretend null sec friends or elite pvp accounts. The miner makes a thoughtful from the heart poem. This miner also had the balls to defend their illegal operation. I salute this goofus.

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    Replies
    1. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  6. "So that you in a sauna with authorities quarrel"

    "I wish that your lawyer was hiding in Senegal"

    This may be the most inspiring thing ever written on minerbumping by a non-Agent. Each and every line is like opening a door to an intriguing story. The images and the questions... what does he MEAN by that? One could do a doctoral study on this poem. It truly is a classic piece of work.

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    Replies
    1. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  7. "In cognac you piss"

    That's "VSOP cognac you piss" to you. carebear.

    "in cocaine you cement"

    You want him covered in cocaine? I'd live with that.


    Very confused imagery from this poet.

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    Replies
    1. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  8. And the punchline... Piz is Canadian.

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    Replies
    1. Piz is Caldari. I bet Rezka Stalker is Amarr...

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    2. Caldari > Amarr > shit > Wewuz Kangs > the cucks

      Delete
    3. Calm down murder lovers.

      Delete
  9. If only all carebears and antigankers were as elegant as this venture pilot. Its a shame antiganking are all similar to kalynn shardani.

    never forget shardani

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please stop prying to your child killer murderbot.

      Delete
    2. John Pirtle (anon 633) is so mad after doxing himself in the comments section of our blog that he can no longer form coherent sentences.

      Delete
    3. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  10. Unable to restrain myself from digging into the background of such an original piece of poesy, I contacted Rezka Stalker and directed him here, so that he could see what a generally positive impact his work garnered from the hard-nosed Agents of the New Order.

    He replied (in Russian):

    "This is not my poem the song Washi Oblomov I only changed a few words."

    I think Oblomov (whoever he is - does he play EVE?) owes Rezka a nod of gratitude; the original must have been excruciating..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EDIT: That should read 'Vassya Oblomov'.

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    2. No one cares nerd.

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    3. Ignore Johnny Piddles, Rob, he is most upset about people who play videogames differently to himself.

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    4. Calm down murder lovers.

      ANON1132: Nothing wrong with an educated person. You mad that he is smart?

      Delete
    5. John Piddle, calm down before I shove you in a locker, nerd.

      Delete
    6. Curiously, the original poem was addressed to the author's boss, hence the lines about business and accounting and such.
      Does this mean the miner acknowledged Agent Piz Caldera as his superior?

      Delete
    7. Such violence, its the only thing code knows is hate violence and murder.

      Delete
    8. Don't forget they know pedophilia like their hero shitdani.

      Delete
  11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwZfDkLERWI
    for original performance

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    Replies
    1. Heh; it's actually quite good, if a bit frugal with the locations budget.

      I think Agent Piz got off rather lightly..

      Delete
  12. Rezka Stalkers illegal mining operations got punished today again by Agent Lewak: https://zkillboard.com/corporation/98530252/

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    Replies
    1. Calm down murder lover.

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. It is made up.

      Of suicide.

      Delete
    2. And highsec miner tears!


      Calm down shitters. Please post more whine.

      Delete
    3. Murder lover, please calm down.

      Delete
  14. Always!

    You can always count on little johnnie piddles pissing himself over his dead lover kalynn, and posting tears on this site.

    Always!

    Calm down john pirtle, you anonymous shitter. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Murder lover, please calm down.

      Delete
  15. Little johnnie piddles can post tears all day and still not make a difference.

    Little johnnie pedo is the maddest butthurt miner yet. He is still raging daily about Code.

    Little johnnie kid-piddler is a very passive aggressive. He is scared to confront his gankers in game so he hides. Scared to undock and pvp in a pvp sandbox.

    Little johnnie pirtle was so mad he rage doxxed himself, then had to hide his post behind an edit. Good thing someone saved that pre-edit screenshot. ;)

    Maybe we all should make it our mission to help little johnnie. We should start with a welfare check. No, not the free money little johnnie gets from the government each month, a bodily welfare check. We should all petition to have someone send the authorities to his house to make sure his children are not in danger.

    We do know who he is right? Links please, so I can help save little johnnie also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Murder lover, please calm down.

      BTW do not approach me on the streets I will have the authorities arrest your murder loving terrorist child molesting asses. I will remind you again the law wins ALWAYS!

      Delete
    2. yep, CODE always wins, you're right :3

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  16. This honestly makes me so happy. While I've since beat eve and am currently winning at eve, this is my little cheat and I'm in love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Murder lover, please calm down.

      Delete

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