Thursday, August 8, 2013

One Agent's Worth

Every New Order Agent in highsec is like a torch shining in the darkness. The impact of even a single Agent is measureless.


Meet Ruwmina, a relatively new recruit to the New Order. Feeling the call of the Code, she embarked on the journey of a lifetime, and settled in the remote system of Isanamo, in the Lonetrek region.


Almost immediately, good things began to happen in that system.


I always find it amusing when someone other than the victim of a gank starts the convo. Is the gank victim too intimidated to speak for himself, or is he shaking with rage?


Many carebears in highsec are stunned by the prospect of spaceships exploding in a game about spaceship combat. This is why the New Order is so important.


Despite the fact that there was a perfectly good explanation for the gank, the gank victim's friend made vile threats.


The carebear corp actually carried through on its threat and declared war. Now you can be shocked. Granted, they were declaring war against Ruwmina's one-woman corp, but still.


Here's the thing about trying to fight back against the legitimate government of highsec: Agents of the New Order are elite PvP'ers all. Ruwmina was delighted to be outnumbered, because it gave her plenty of opportunities to kill the enemy.


My dream of highsec miners being forced to field defense fleets became a reality. However, they were no match for Ruwmina, who launched daring raids, slipping in, scoring kills, and slipping back out.


More rebels came to the party. Naturally, they were all slaughtered.


They tried to stick mostly to inexpensive combat equipment. But as with any fight against highsec miners and their friends, there are always opportunities to get to the gooey carebear center.


With their entire corporation unable to defend even one spot against Agent Ruwmina, they scattered like cockroaches. They were exterminated.


As the war came to a close, the death tally piled up. Ruwmina inflicted 42 kills against the rebels, suffering no losses of her own.


The massacre of the miners was completely avoidable. They need only have followed the Code that they were deemed to have agreed to in the first place, and showed proper respect to their superiors. It was such a shame that they chose to taste death instead.


Later, after they finally managed to snag one of Ruwmina's Hawks, she was back at it in Isanamo. The death of a billion isk Hurricane Fleet Issue (flown by a friend of the carebear's corp) resulted from some kind of scuffle involving Ruwmina's fellow ganker, Rollotamasi. And so the crusade to save highsec continues!

22 comments:

  1. Interesting choice of guns on that Hurricane Fleet Issue

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. Who needs those ship bonuses, right?

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  2. Indeed, it appears the non-compliant menace is attempting to think with their own minds!

    A grim turn of events? A potential mass-awakening? Overwhelmed with fear to fit a ship effectively?

    The reason, unclear. . . One thing that is certain however, The New Order shall continue to spread.

    Enemies of order, peace and compliant miners shall have no place left to hide soon.

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  3. WOW. My hat is off to you, Ruwmina. That is some serious carebear carnage. These guys need to get their act together and sort out some permits to stop the bleeding. I fear that they may otherwise soon become the shriveled corpse of a corp.

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  4. Fuck the new order

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    Replies
    1. You pathetic, limp-armed piece of shit. You know what I did at 05:30 this morning? I woke up, benched 300kg for two hours straight, downed a pint glass of a self-concocted protein shake in under 2 seconds and banged my girl. Hard. Until you're this fucking swole, don't even bother replying to me. I could grate a fucking block of cheese on these rock-hard abs. You are nothing but a pitiful, slimy, skeletal shithead to me. I literally have 4 girls hanging off of me right now, begging to be graced with my 11" rod. It's survival of the fittest around here, and you're fucking dead.

      Delete
    2. "fuck" in carebear language means "long live"

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    3. Request for sexual attention refused.

      We will, however, accept your permit fee.

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    4. "You know what I did at 05:30 this morning?"

      And he did it all over again at 6:30 in the evening - that's how Awesome he is.

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    5. Cheese grating abs:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPS813vEREU

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    6. Dayyyyum anon 1244 he done told you what's up!

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    7. Downed a pint of self concocted protein shake.... what I got from this statement is that you jerked off into a glass and drank your own jizz

      For future reference, its easier for everyone if you just say what you really mean

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    8. "Agent" Wiggin, what you got from that statement came from your own mind alone.

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    9. Does Wiggin HAVE to drink his own semen? No! But it's sterile, and he likes the taste.

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    10. I don't get why Wiggin immediately associated THUNDERGUN's protein shake to semen... My space psychologist tells me that it's because he fantasizes about drinking THUNDERGUN's semen.

      Delete
  5. *gazes upon the Cane Fleet Issue*

    *cries*

    Rails. On a Hurricane.

    Oh, the humanity.

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  6. Can we petition CCP to add a math portion to the tutorial?
    im no math whiz, but i am 100% sure that 10 million < 2.3 BILLION isk.
    /me shrugs

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  7. One Agent is worth a thousand bot-aspirants!

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    Replies
    1. That is not possible, bot-aspirants have negative worthiness.

      Delete
  8. Part of me wants to give kudos to a carebear corp that actually decided to participate in the multiplayer portion of EVE, but OMG how do you lose 42 ships without killing anything?

    Oh dat fit on the HFI lol. At least it wasn't dual tanked.

    ReplyDelete

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