Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The People's Front of Emolgranlan

As the Father of the New Order and Saviour of Highsec, I'm known for having vision, for seeing the big picture. To govern highsec, though, sometimes I am called upon to pay close attention to the details. This is particularly true when a dispute arises among the various factions who claim to be Agents of the New Order.

Concerned citizen Paladin X13Z21PTX7-1 breathlessly reported that a cell of New Order Agents had gone rouge. "Rouge"? It's none of my business what kind of make-up an Agent chooses to wear. (Provided, however, that the make-up was applied in a manner consistent with the Code and not in a manner that reflects a spirit of bot-aspirancy. Obviously.)

Actually, the context of the EVEmail suggests the Agents in question had not gone "rouge", but had gone "rogue". That's different. Rogue Agents are a highsec miner's worst nightmare.

I take all such reports seriously. The Father of the New Order wears many hats, and one of them is a deerstalker. I immediately launched an investigation to find out if the accusation was true.

Pooboi said all the right things in his bio. His bio even specifically stated that attacks against his character were false. Not looking good for the accusation.

At the time of the report, Pooboi and the other Agents were members of the Emolgranlan Self-Defense Union, which proudly stood for the Code. And what about the accuser?

The accuser belonged to Order Fleet Emolgranlan. So which organization held to the proper interpretation of the Code? I noticed that the Order Fleet Emolgranlan referenced the "true Old Order". The "Old Order" is a phrase often used by rebels.

I also noticed a suspicious line in the accuser's EVEmail, which I noted with my White Pen. Why wouldn't there be a need for punishing rebels? There's always a need for punishing rebels. And come to think of it, the accuser's name, Paladin X13Z21PTX7-1, sounded a touch bot-aspirant.

The accusation was false. Case closed.

Next, I received a troubling report from Akyron Prescott, who claimed that one of my Agents was unworthy. Judging by the tone of the EVEmail, I was confident I could safely disregard this report, as well. But just to make sure, I did a little research.

Agent ElectroniK VeroniK was a member of one of the most highly respected corporations in EVE. In January alone, she destroyed over five and a half billion isk of illegal mining equipment. And she had a 99.15% efficiency rating--the mark of a truly elite PvP'er.

The accuser's killboard was less impressive.

No sooner had I closed this case than another popped up:

According to this report, an Agent was bumping a family of ice miners. Captain Raven Hawk clearly identified himself as being a member of the family that I wrote about in a recent MinerBumping post.

Gallow Storm, another member of the family, sent me a complaint directly. But then I noticed something--and this sort of thing is how I made detective at such a young age--Gallow and the other miners mentioned in these EVEmails were clearly not the names of the miners from the MinerBumping post. Moreover, this family of miners had three children, while the family in my MinerBumping post explicitly had two.

Thus, Captain Raven Hawk was either lying, or, more likely, didn't know about the MinerBumping post being referred to. Which means that he was not a regular reader of MinerBumping, which all Code-compliant miners are. (Not because it's required in the Code, but because all Code-loving miners read this blog voluntarily.)

Is it just me, or has there been a dramatic uptick in the number of families who mine in highsec with their children? Just in the last month, it seems. Did I miss a memo? I'm the Saviour of Highsec. I should be the first person to get any highsec-related memos.

But seriously, if anyone has trouble with an Agent or someone claiming to be an Agent, just follow the Code and you'll be fine. Have a little faith.


  1. You never know what you're going to get when you encounter Rebels. These samples from the Saviour's Well of Misery illustrate just how wide of the mark is the Highsec Carebear's understanding of our Mission.

    Of course, there are many ways to persuade non-compliant Capsuleers to conform. At least as many ways as there are CODE. enforcers. It's situational.

    I'm always humbled by the sheer adroitness of the Agents featured in the Supreme Protector's Blogs. The right word or action at just the right time. Stellar.


  2. never ceases to amuse me when people write long eve mails about how much they don't give a flying fuck

  3. I must say, I am amazed at how many miners have children...that play EVE...at night....for hours at a time.
    Puzzled, I am.

    ---Mike Adoulin

    1. Yeah, I thought "I am a 13 year old girl" was MY line.

    2. If I want my 13 yr old daughter to learn about anal sex, she'll learn about it from me, not some sweaty miner.

      wait... that didn't come out right....

  4. Something sounds suspicious about the mining family... unless lots of families put their minors to work in the ice fields...

    Is this some sort of sweat shop in the third world?

    What are they doing with all of these precious resources they are mining?

    If they are selling it, where is all the isk going?

    We may need to do some more digging.

  5. As I was referenced in this post (Lifelong Dream Checklist getting shorter) I feel I must comment.

    When we first moved into Chanoun, Motoko Nishizawa had gotten the Hawk family to purchase permits to protect their daughters. This family lived 2 jumps away, in our patrol zone.

    After a constant struggle with the residents of Chanoun, in which a couple billion worth of illegal mining equipment was lost, I asked the Hawk family if they'd be willing to move to the Ice belt in Chanoun and act as proud members of the CODE family to influence the locals.

    At this point Hanyu Singh began bumping them. We had participated in one arrest with Singh, and we haven't seen him since this incident.

    When we found out about it, Hawk and said that he had contacted you to complain about that individual (who was not really an agent, but simply a ganker) but was still praising our work in the area. We had cleared away multiple confirmed bots, as well as many bot aspirants from the area.

    Now all the remains is the swarms of illegal skiffs that appear with the ice belt, and log off when the ice is done.

  6. Sounds like you're doing some great work down there in Chanoun, Krystalll, keep it up!

    I have often imagined punishing my future children by forcing them to mine.

    "Go to your room and don't come out 'til you have X units of veldspar!"

    Nahh, too cruel...

    -Galaxy Pig


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