Sunday, May 8, 2016

Kills of the Week

EVE is a competitive PvP sandbox based around shooting spaceships. Sandbox games are special because they give players more opportunities to make decisions for themselves, rather than telling the player everything they're supposed to do. Alas, some EVE players have yet to develop the ability to make good decisions. Let's see what happened to some of them during the week of May 1st @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 7th @ 23:59 EVEtime.



Whose bright idea was it to fly a 3.8 billion isk Venture? Benidwana Cesaille inspired facepalming all across highsec when he loaded up his Venture with 3 PLEX and a Skill Injector.


Agent TREMENDOJ ITA popped the Venture and happily snagged the 3 PLEX; the Skill Injector didn't make it, so more skillpoints went down the skill sink.



flesh tearer had a fleet of smaller ships to move, but not enough patience to take more than one trip. The presence of one set of reinforced bulkheads is damning: It proves that flesh tearer knew of the module's existence--and the existence of freighter gankers--while his use of two cargo expanders proves he didn't care. The freighter and its fleet were annihilated by Agents AntiGanks TooStrong, Shazna Solta, Hold my pleb, SynthiaGreey, Bulkheads Won'tsaveyo, Synamic, Yolandi Calais, Talon Calais, Unfit ForDoody, Freighter Repo, Nice Freighter, Shoulda paidthe Ransom, Jack Fizzleblade, Bratok Srayona, Anthologee, Pure Whyte, and Why so Pleb.



Lavilea Amron was too smart to put her PLEX into a Venture, but not smart enough to keep it out of her shuttle. Even the overcrowded trade hub of Jita must bend to the will of Code enforcers. Agent Red Retrograde blapped the shuttle. That's one less month of bot-aspirancy for Lavilea.



Another example of a "ship that can't shoot back": Dragonborn's fail-fit Proteus. The rebels condemn our Agents for daring to attack AFK ships. But in the case of ships like this, there's no time to waste. Agents Tisiphone Dira and William Telluric could hear the soulful groans of Dragonborn's Proteus all the way from Hek. It was a ship that deeply felt the pain of being so misused. Our Agents set it free.



Vickia Galantis had one of the stranger and more inappropriate Covetor fits I've seen lately. Agents Mildron Klinker and Molly Klinker had another mystery to solve, though: What was a 239 million isk Covetor doing sitting at the sun? As they were soon to discover, the Covetor was awaiting its destiny...



Inside the Covetor was Vickia Galantis's 3.1 billion isk pod. Was this another case of that dreadful Michi fellow? Agent Molly Klinker quickly reviewed the killmail to find out.


No, it was an odd assortment of shield and missile implants. Vickia was a mystery. Whatever the explanation, our Agents had no choice but to destroy her. If you want to be enigmatic, go to lowsec.

23 comments:

  1. "If you want to be enigmatic, go to lowsec."

    The New Order is the most enigmatic thing in EVE. How is it possible for one group to continuously win all day, every day, all the time?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. > The New Order is the most enigmatic thing in EVE. How is it possible for one group to continuously win all day, every day, all the time?

      The unprecedented success of the New Order can seem like a great mystery, but the answer is incredibly simple when you think about it: The Code. It's the most remarkable document in Eve and, indeed, in history. Empowered by the righteousness granted by The Code, anything is possible for the New Order. Praise James!

      Delete
  2. The new order (note lower case for disrespect) is most wanker filled thing in EvE. How is it possible for one group to lose all day, every day, all the time?

    So Happy Mother's day you code motherfuckers, and don't forget to fuck your mother in the ass for bringing a prick like you into this world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your tears are nectar.


      -Oink

      Delete
    2. 1051 just another mad fag. EvE would be better off without them.

      Delete
    3. 202 is a dumbass. EvE would be better off without you.

      Delete
  3. We are sorry for your lost ship but if you'd like to purchase a permit for future use, we are here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "EVE is a competitive PvP sandbox based around shooting spaceships."

    Sorry, but spaceship combat is but a small facet of the Eve universe. It might be the "flashiest" part, but it's only a small part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wrong again ag. EvE is PvP. Every part. You are just too simple to recognize it. Thats why you will always fail at EvE.

      Delete
    2. You're an asshole anon 1:41. Or are you just damned stupid and illiterate? Stating "spaceship combat is but a small facet of the Eve universe" does not, in any way, declare as well that all of Eve is not PvP. So let me break this down into speech a simpleton like you can even understand.

      1) All of Eve is PvP in some fashion.
      2) Spaceship combat is just a facet of Eve.
      3) There is far more to Eve then mere spaceship combat.
      4) Stating "EVE is a competitive PvP sandbox based around shooting spaceships," is misleading and incorrect.

      There ya go, little scrub.

      Delete
    3. Antigankers still failing hard.

      Amazing

      Delete
    4. You know what they say -

      Code kills miners, antiganking kills minors

      Delete
    5. More propaganda bullshit there Wolf? I thought that your permaban would humble you, but then again, you're a sociopath.

      Delete
    6. Yea anon 141 you are an ass hole! Nah nah nah nah nah!

      But wait, that anon 500 must have been a real mad miner. He will never get it. EvE will always be too hard for him.
      But he's too stupid to stop.

      And i'm calling bullshit on your detailed explanation there anon 500. "small facet" my azz. EvE was designed around spaceship pvp, if you had played more that a couple years you would know that.

      All that carebear pve hisec bullshit you guys afk to now was implemented to give the rest of us more targets.

      You will never understand, you are too simple.

      But thanks for your tears! ;)

      Please post more.

      And
      You tagged your own post, simpleton.

      Thank you come again

      Delete
  5. But where oh where has Ming gone?

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is something to be shared with the grandchildren!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why not just shove the Grandchildren up Mr. Wolf Sopranos ass, am sure that would be a humbling, if not traumatic experience.....the human Gerbil

      Delete
    2. what is it with care bears and sticking things up asses? you guys are fixated

      Delete
    3. Well now, shoving the grandchildren up Wolf Soprano's ass? I'm not sure that I would want to visit such a traumatic experience like that on anyone, especially a child. Seeing the inside of Wolf's ass would scar them for life.

      Delete
  7. The amount of autism on this page alone is enough to rival Test Alliance itself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TEST Alliance best War Target Alliance!

      Have you seen their killboard? I can't tell if it's all just a giant troll or what, but if you want to pad a wardec corp's kb, there's always TEST! ;)

      Delete
  8. Just a miner, not a minor, don't shootMay 9, 2016 at 9:46 PM

    Honestly i love the stories, but the comments section could be locked for all i care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people just need a dark sense of humour to read the blog and commnents, yours must be lacking Just a miner, not a minor, don't shoot. Time to break out the rubber gloves, for a you know what check

      Delete

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