Saturday, May 28, 2016

Saving Miners from Themselves

One of the first things explained by the Code is that miners need to be saved from themselves. But who cares enough about a bunch of AFK, self-destructive isk-grinders to rescue them? I do--hence my title. And so do all those who represent highsec's Saviour and its Code. For example, people like Agent Lament von Gankenheim.
Lament von Gankenheim > \o miner
dokMixer > Hey, thanks
Lament von Gankenheim > its my pleasure!
dokMixer > Glad to come back to Eve for that, appreciated.
Lament von Gankenheim > no problem at all.
dokMixer > No wonder why the game loses more and more players and fails at launching new licenses.
Despite beginning EVE nearly nine years ago, dokMixer spent his days mining with a Retriever in highsec. Our heroes rescued him from his mining ship, and then, his pod, though only the podkill appeared on the killboards.
Lament von Gankenheim > i know it
dokMixer > U sure do.
Lament von Gankenheim > its like shooting peoples spaceships in a spaceship shooting game
Lament von Gankenheim > is out of the ordinary
Lament von Gankenheim > Eve Is The Friendliest Game Evar!
dokMixer > Yeah, it's not like ppl are actively trying to play, and grind to have fun
Initially, it seemed like dokMixer might have been receptive to the Code. He even thanked our Agent for ganking him. Then it turned out that his thanks--which would've been entirely appropriate, under the circumstances--were not sincere. He blamed our heroes for EVE's declining subscription numbers!
Lament von Gankenheim > grinding is not fun
Lament von Gankenheim > thats where people like you never learn
Lament von Gankenheim > isk/hr is a shitty way to play
Lament von Gankenheim > fun/hr is where its at
dokMixer > You sure know how we have to have fun.
Carebears operate under a multitude of misconceptions. Some of those misconceptions are about the game (e.g., highsec is supposed to be safe) or about our Agents (e.g., that they're guilty of "harassment"). Interestingly, some of the carebears' misconceptions are about themselves. dokMixer believed he was having fun by grinding, when this was not the case.
Lament von Gankenheim > i know mining isnt fun
Lament von Gankenheim > in any way
Lament von Gankenheim > to anyone
Lament von Gankenheim > thats a fact.
dokMixer > That's yours facts.
dokMixer > I like to afk a bit, and earn money.
Lament von Gankenheim > no you dont
The New Order is built upon the rock-solid foundation of the Code's truths, not the ever-shifting sands of political expediency. For this reason, our Agents are not required to pretend that they believe whatever happens to be in vogue among carebears at the time. Lament was therefore under no obligation to entertain the fanciful notion that dokMixer enjoyed mining.
dokMixer > I love cookie clicker.
dokMixer > I love farming games.
dokMixer > I complain the same way i saw campers in any games.
dokMixer > I like the idea of killing
dokMixer > But i likethe challenge.
Lament von Gankenheim > game mechanics expressly prevent me from camping
dokMixer > Oh you sur ehad a haaaaard time killing me
As we've seen before, carebears are so deceptive--indeed, so self-deceiving--that their claims cannot be taken at face value. We look to their actions instead. The fact that miners are AFK, alt-tabbed, playing other games, and doing pretty much anything other than mining proves that they don't enjoy it.
Lament von Gankenheim > you made it very easy
Lament von Gankenheim >
Lament von Gankenheim > since 2012
dokMixer > i know.
dokMixer > that's the reason i stopped lowsec mining for a time
Lament von Gankenheim > well, the best news is that ship wasnt very expensive
dokMixer > hahaha, for you maybe
dokMixer thought he could get away with his "I enjoy grinding isk, so leave me alone" charade. Lament saw right through the miner. And that scared him.
Lament von Gankenheim > whats even less expensive is a permit
Lament von Gankenheim > theyre only 10m isk and good for a year
dokMixer > permit ? You are serious ?
Lament von Gankenheim > oh absolutely
dokMixer > I dont want to have ingame the same shitty system that we all already have to endure in real life
dokMixer > Your choice, to reproduce the same shit in a game
dokMixer was horrified by the idea of spending 10 million isk on a permit. He was less concerned about paying significantly more than 10 million isk for his ships, modules, and implants. The difference? Mining permits are emergent content. dokMixer was a bot-aspirant.
dokMixer > I just want to pay for a ship, to do missions
Lament von Gankenheim > no you dont
Lament von Gankenheim > mining is THE single worst isk making career available in the game
dokMixer > every time i try to buy a ship, i get destroyed.
Lament von Gankenheim > if you would like to PLAY eve
Lament von Gankenheim > i would be happy to have you
dokMixer > my decision was to mine in highsec, get less money than in nullsec, and still try to stay alive, with a ship i try to equipe good to mine more, and equip my main ship
Miners are like a fish that know nothing beyond the fishbowl. Lament, with his objective, outsider's perspective, knew the miner much better than the miner knew himself. Thus, Lament was in an ideal position to help dokMixer understand his feelings and make proper decisions.
Lament von Gankenheim > mining sucks
dokMixer > i dont have 100 thousands of millions isk
dokMixer > yeah, but how can i just play with a destroyer, and afford to buy a new one if i get shot ?
dokMixer > i cant if i dont join afaction
Lament von Gankenheim > people have been doing it for years
dokMixer > ahahaha, sure yeah. From nothing you make and buy new fully eauipped ships like that
dokMixer > you cant dude, bullshit
dokMixer didn't believe it was possible to play EVE without relying on highsec mining. It's a good thing he ran into our Agent.
dokMixer > you farm missions
Lament von Gankenheim > m8
Lament von Gankenheim > i havent run a mission on this char since creation
dokMixer > i'm not your mate. Eve is fun for noobkillers maybe, but it's not for me.
Lament von Gankenheim > im ON a mission
Lament von Gankenheim > to save highsec!
dokMixer > Sure
The miner indicated that he was almost ready to quit EVE again. Could Lament retain him?
Lament von Gankenheim > youre a noob?
Lament von Gankenheim > a nullsec mining, combat minded noob?
Lament von Gankenheim > from 2007
dokMixer > It's the third time i give a chance to Eve
dokMixer > The third time i see the community just does not care
Lament von Gankenheim > youre wrong again
dokMixer > your mission is just a pretext
dokMixer was tragic. He thought the EVE community didn't care. And yet, standing right in front of him was a member of the New Order family.
Lament von Gankenheim > my mission is to make people like you wake up
dokMixer > you just cant think at my place man
dokMixer > i like what i was doing
Lament von Gankenheim > nope
dokMixer > you want me to be like you
dokMixer > have something to tell me ?
Lament von Gankenheim > gf
Lament von Gankenheim > thats what i have to tell you
Lament von Gankenheim >
Again dokMixer asserted his mistaken belief that he enjoyed mining. He was talking like an addict. This was an intervention now.
dokMixer > have fun trying to think you are not making people sad just because you think your way of playing is the only one
dokMixer > mining communities exist for e long time
dokMixer > you are the probel dude
dokMixer > wake the fuck upo
Lament von Gankenheim > no they dont
Lament von Gankenheim > mining "communities" are toxic cesspools of greed and narrowmindedness
As Lament suspected, dokMixer had been infected by lies from the carebear theme park crowd. No wonder he'd jumped so quickly to the "EVE is losing subscriptions" line of argument. Carebears know more about EVE subscription numbers than they know about the mechanics and rules of the game itself.
dokMixer > why do you guys always try to think you are the smartasses ?
dokMixer > explain farming simulator success, explain the farming games
Lament von Gankenheim > girls
dokMixer > toxic ?
dokMixer > you fuckin are toxic man. Leave miners playing
According to a public statement from CCP's chief marketing officer a few years ago, an astounding 96% of EVE players are male. By contrast, many "casual" games have gender parity or close to it--giving them nearly twice the pool of potential players from which to draw.
dokMixer > hahaha , sexist now
Lament von Gankenheim > sexist?
dokMixer > girl play browser games is sexist
dokMixer > fact
Lament von Gankenheim > go find a girl and ask her
dokMixer > i do have my gf behind me yes
dokMixer > she is tired of assholes like you, saying that kind of things
Lament von Gankenheim > no she isnt
Lament von Gankenheim > shes most likely tired of your whining
Sensing that he was on the losing side of the argument, dokMixer tried to call in support from his girlfriend. The gambit failed. Lament von Gankenheim, from his superior vantage point, correctly deduced that dokMixer's girlfriend--if she existed--actually sided with Lament rather than her tiresome carebear boyfriend.
dokMixer > open your eyes man
dokMixer > you are toxic
dokMixer > no one needs you to buy you an identity
Lament von Gankenheim > if i was carrying on this conversation with my eyes closed
Lament von Gankenheim > i would be king
dokMixer > oh you sure are a king
dokMixer > thanks for answering my text, king.
dokMixer > you must be so proud.
Lament von Gankenheim > youre welcome
Lament von Gankenheim > jester?
Speaking with Lament forced dokMixer to challenge everything he thought he knew. He didn't like the taste of the medicine, yet he desperately needed it.
dokMixer > you're
dokMixer > no, sad guy that will go alsewhere and not renew
dokMixer > hope your game will die.
dokMixer > like killing noobs ? Tell me of unecessary.
dokMixer > sad i always cross the close-minded assholes here, prentending they are the masterminds.
dokMixer > cheers !
The miner's ability to speak deteriorated rapidly. Ashamed, dokMixer withdrew from the conversation. If he quits EVE and returns again at some future date, he will find an even more welcoming game. The New Order's progress continues. When we're done with highsec, people like dokMixer won't even recognize the place!


  1. A story for the kids, Grandkids and the Pet Emu Wolves. For sure!

    1. lol Wolves. Wolf Soprano you mean.

    2. A story for your fat joo mom!
      Lol you replied to yourself, BM/Davey. You should have known about the timestamp, with your compsci masters and all.

      What a lying gypsie trucker you turned out to be.

      Maybe a story for your walleyed children.

  2. Dang, he almost seemed salvagable at the beginning,

  3. Looks like antiganking failed again!

  4. "New Order family" consisting of inbreds and retards, just what you would like as your brother and sister, but then, with that stupid "father", what can one expect :P

    1. I expect tears. Thankyou for providing your sperg filled post

    2. LvG once told a carebear agitator:

      "In Hisec
      You get a permit
      Or you get rekt"

      He is direct and to the point. Very professional agent, with a bit of a mischievous streak.
      But seriously, LvG does care about hisec, he's a true hero.

    3. @9:37
      only with your mum, can´t call her sucking "french" really.

    4. @210
      I dont think thats called 'english' you slimey limey


  5. Butthurt Miner is smarter than any of you people. He is trolling all of you right now. My co-worker David tried to explain how smart BM is but none of you are smart enough to see the truth.

    He's brilliant at social engineering, and manipulating public concern. So you may want to watch how much you push him, he can bring a spotlight to this band of griefers. He is an expert in encryption and software, you should be wary.

    I think he is a better person than most of you lot. He is definitely smarter than the fools that comment here!

    -Sam (another RL friend of a great man, and true anti-ganker, Butthurt Miner.)

    1. I, too, am a RL friend and co-worker of the intellectual giant we all know as BM.

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