Thursday, June 2, 2016

The Russian Intelligentsia, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned came into contact with a unique creature mining AFK near Rens: Kotillion Belvar, the first Russian miner ever to engage Kalorned in a serious debate about the Code.

The passionate Russian ceaselessly directed questions at Kalorned. Kotillion intended to put the whole highsec legal system on trial. Through the magic of Google Translate, Kalorned was able to carry on a polite, if intense, discussion with him.
Kotillion Belvar > Documents must be written correctly, in order to avoid ambiguous interpretation of their
Kotillion Belvar > and what you are improving? that incite hatred and discourage players interested in the game?
Kotillion Belvar > players can not make your system feel safe in high-security systems
Kotillion Belvar > You destroy the fundamental principle of the game
Our Agents have been using Google Translate to deal with Russian miners for nearly four years. Either Google has improved its translator over the years, or Kotillion expressed himself in a manner more suitable for translation. He was lucid--but desperately wrong.
Kalorned > It is not good to harden a document against any interpretation - this presents the opportunity for bad people to find a loophole and escape retribution - by allowing for interpretation we ensure that all criminals can be brought to justice
Kalorned > We are improving the character of miners - they were and to this day still are a vile people, spewing disgusting words and sayings from their mouths while behaving in ways that are counter to the intentions of teh game
Kalorned > EVE is a dangerous place, no one is safe everywhere, this is the principle the game is built upon
Our Agent fearlessly rebutted each of Kotillion's arguments. For all his (relative) eloquence, the miner suffered from all sorts of misconceptions about EVE, including the notion that highsec should be safe.
Kotillion Belvar > No, dear! Only clearly drawn up a document in which all thought Momen ensures that the offender will not escape justice. And then, you follow Chemy - it Filkin charter
Kalorned > I'm afraid we will need to disagree then - Interpretation is a beautiful and necesarry component of any law. We happen to be able to enforce our thinking on the matter, and so it is the correct one
Google Translate began to sputter a bit, but Kalorned was able to fill in the gaps based on having heard similar nonsense from carebears around the world.
Kotillion Belvar > his ill-conceived document you cover their illegal actions. You act on prontsipu strong, not just prontsipu
Kotillion Belvar > you are criminals. Created rotten law and blindly forcing others to follow him
Kotillion Belvar > destroying all who follow him or not, or does not know about it
Kotillion railed against what he viewed to be an indiscriminate and heartless regime. It didn't sound like the New Order we've all come to know and cherish.
Kalorned > We simply enforce the law of high sec which was created to improve it
Kalorned > The only people who would be against us are people that should not be in High Sec
Kalorned > What it boils down to is, you're either for us or against us - if you're against us you have no place in this game
Kotillion Belvar > And who told you that you have something to be improved?
Kalorned > James 315 and by extension everyone that now aids him saw for ourselves the need for improvement
Kotillion Belvar > and not for you to decide, I'll be in this game or not
Kalorned once again played the "James 315" card. It's pretty much the ultimate trump card; I've yet to see an effective counter to it.

Now it was Kalorned's turn to make an impassioned speech. In contemplating the carebears' sordid history of abuses in highsec, our Agent was fueled by his emotions, his convictions, and, most of all, his Code.
Kotillion Belvar > pointless talking to a fanatic, who blindly and thoughtlessly follows invented rules that himself came up and brought them to the benefactor
Kotillion Belvar > yachitayu our dialogue completed
Kotillion Belvar > sad for the lost ship
Kotillion Belvar > but I must thank you
Kotillion Belvar > Now you have given me a purpose in the game
The Russian space lawyer experienced the same fate as all of his fellow travelers. He had no choice but to concede. Yet the Russian had been changed by his encounter with Kalorned, and he knew it.
Kotillion Belvar > I will develop
Kotillion Belvar > losing ships and money
Kotillion Belvar > but in a month or a year, and will find you and kill you.
Kotillion Belvar > and I will do it so many times
Now the AFK miner had a reason for playing the game. His threats fell flat: The "I don't have a particular set of skills, but I'll develop them eventually" approach isn't a good one.
Kotillion Belvar > as long as you did not feel the full bitterness and criminality of their actions
Kotillion Belvar > I wish a pleasant game
Kotillion Belvar > and often look back
Kotillion terminated the convo by wishing our Agent well. Although if that last line were translated better, it might've sounded less "Auld Lang Syne" and more like a Russian version of "watch your back." Reflecting upon the exchange, Kalorned wrote,
"Kotillion up until now had been just a simple miner, idling his in-game life away for naught. With his ship destroyed and his belief now formed that my actions were a huge detriment to the game, Kotillion swore that he would develop himself over the next year to stop me. And then it all ended with the most civil end to a conversation with an angry Russian miner I’ve ever had."
Despite their many similarities, the highsec carebears possess a wide variety of different traits, all of which have been carefully documented by Agents and reported on MinerBumping. The carebears do share one thing in common, though: They always lose. Because the CODE always wins. Always.


  1. That was beautiful man, I have a tear in my eye. reading this was like watching an Ingmar Berman film unfold.

  2. You could probably cut down any story to just 4 words:

    Antiganking failing non-stop daily!!!!

    1. That cut down story could be cut down shorter to tell the grandkids about it! You know with kids and grandkids and loyalanon. The shorter the better due to their short attention span. For sure!

    2. Small little intake bits for loyalanon

  3. Dealing with angry Russians is no easy task, well done Kalorned.

  4. There may yet be hope for comrad Kotillion.
    Komrad Kotillion!

  5. Always!



  6. "Kotillion Belvar > I will develop
    Kotillion Belvar > losing ships and money
    Kotillion Belvar > but in a month or a year, and will find you and kill you.
    Kotillion Belvar > and I will do it so many times"

    We may be waiting a long time for his revenge fantasy to become reality.

  7. But where oh where is Ming?

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Anyone who can contact Ming, please do so immediately. This poor carebear is dying of irrelevancy. His only purpose in life was to visit our blog and whine about Ming. Now that Ming is away he has nothing. Please. Someone help this poor, unfortunate soul.

    3. Haha. By this same logic make sure loyalanon gets the memo too. He is irrelevant now that he's been banned yet he shows up daily to post his nonsense about winning daily. Make sure you get the memo from nitetime. In small easy to read and understand words. THANKS boss!

    4. I am glad you recognize who is boss.
      So.. were all of loyal's accounts banned?
      Might want to check your facts.

    5. It's ok, he has been reported for ban evading

  8. This is a story for the children and grandchildren!!


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