Thursday, June 9, 2016

What's a Killboard?

It all started as a routine Code enforcement action. Agent Tisiphone Dira blapped Rasinian's AFK autopiloting shuttle and the 33 million isk pod contained within. No big deal. Tisiphone invited Rasinian to a convo; he accepted. Then Tisiphone minimized the chat window while she attended to more pressing matters, like pulling CONCORD.


Bad luck: Tisiphone happened to catch Rasinian in a bad mood.


Apparently Rasinian didn't like the fact that Tisiphone ganked him and then made him wait in a convo for a bit. But this is to be expected. If you have a meeting scheduled with the President of the United States, do you think he's going to wait on you, or will it be the other way around? Same thing with Agents of the New Order.


Rasinian was stunned that a ganker would deliberately kill a shuttle. Tisiphone taught him an important lesson, artfully summarized by the popular New Order saying, "Big or small, the Code comes to them all."


Rasinian didn't care about his pod loss. He thought his deliberate violation of the Code was "no big deal". To top it all off, Tisiphone and all of CODE. were "nothing". Was this another nihilist carebear?


It looked like Rasinian didn't care about anything. Except isk, perhaps. Bot-aspirancy causes a carebear to become so focused on grinding isk that they see zero value in anything else. As a result, their people skills aren't the greatest.


A bot-aspirancy-induced void took hold of Rasinian. He wasn't upset, didn't care about his loss, didn't care about the Code, and didn't even care that the Code is allegedly ruining all of EVE. On the other hand, he seemed to be very concerned with making sure Tisiphone knew how much he didn't care.

Curiously, he claimed to have killed me "a couple times" with his mysterious alt. Or maybe there really is a James 316 out there who's constantly falling victim to angry carebears?


Supposedly highsec was just great before the New Order showed up. Either that, or Rasinian doesn't like Millennials.


Though only Rasinian's unnamed alt could claim to have scored kills against James 316, Rasinian himself killed CODE. members all the time. Or had he? Rasinian's near-perfect lie had only one flaw: He forgot about the existence of killboards.


Rasinian explained himself: His kills against CODE. didn't show up on the killboard because he only had kill assists, not kills. Incredibly, Tisiphone managed to run into an EVE player who'd never seen a killboard before.


Then Rasinian came up with another novel argument: He was an elite PvE'er.


Some people boast about their kill-to-death ratios, but Rasinian focused on his raw death count instead. Only five losses on the Rasinian character, sure, but how many times had James 316 killed his alt? And how many people had assisted in those losses? We'll never know.


Despite initially claiming to be too busy to deal with Tisiphone, the carebear had spent about half an hour chatting with her. (Our Agents are all wonderful conversationalists.) But now he had some important business to go take care of.


Rasinian looked back upon his wasted time in EVE: A trillion isk uselessly hoarded in the wallet of someone who didn't know how to spend it, a hundred million skillpoints trained into skills never used, and an alleged ability to pilot capital ships. He seemed to have it all, so why did he feel so empty, so unable to care about anything? Because he was still missing the one thing that really matters. I'll give you a hint. It starts with "C" and ends with "ODE always wins. Always!"

31 comments:

  1. I got it! CODE always wins. Always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get it! CODE are the worst bot aspirants, the worst!

      Delete
    2. Stars with C and ends with ode? Assuming that hint is not an attempt to insult the CODE agents intelligence, my quess is COMMODE.

      ~Asia Leigh

      Delete
  2. Good entertainment; I was smiling throughout this one.

    Tisi is a real Master ('Mistress' just sounded.....wrong).

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol kids. grandkids. yada yada.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jeezus, what a lying carebear shitheel. Oh well it's what I have come to expect from carebears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What an arrogant twat, just what we have come to expect from CODE.

      Delete
    2. That 723anon is one salty bitch. Useless carebear fag. Welcome back BM/Davey pig.

      Delete
    3. And we have another uneducated Trump supporter here in Anon1037 who seems to be obsessed with this BM/Davey guy.

      Delete
  5. This is a story for the children and grandchildren!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. But where is AG to save carebears from not knowing what a killboard is?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Where is Alana? \o/

    ReplyDelete
  8. But where oh where is Ming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fitting a catalyst...

      Delete
    2. He's been gone months. I know he's a little slow but seriously?

      Delete
  9. But where, oh where is Veers Belvar?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who is this Veers? It sounds like a Gevlon alt.

      Delete
    2. Who is this Gevlon? :D

      Delete
  10. "I was making a run thru high sec and went out for a smoke big deal"

    Remember kids, smoking is bad for your pod's health.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Of course the EVE resident didn't kill James 315, because James 315 never undocks or puts himself at risk. He depends on his CHODE. slaves to protect him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Raisinian never claimed to kill our beloved savior; he was referring to killing a James 316 whom I assume is unrelated to our omniscient, omnipresent savior, James 315. Our savior always puts himself at risk because he sacrifices all to save people from themselves every day which is a daunting and exhausting task and yet he perseveres.

      Delete
  12. Amazing the number of null sec splerg lords that manage to die in high sec, and guys with a trillion ISK that get butthurt over a near worthless pod. It's almost as if their full of shit...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Can everyone please relax and just ovry the Code. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Keep calm and ovry the CODE.

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  15. Wow. Just wow. Antigankers failing to stop... another... gank.... wow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. News from WoW provided by.. Wolf!! AG fails everywhere!!!

      ~Asia Leigh

      Delete
  16. what it lacks to show in that post is that later that same day the one who got ganked killed the ganker while they attempted to gank some else.
    https://crest-tq.eveonline.com/killmails/53123741/4be829bd4c67962289eea6e4b2da8bcd7b1cf31a/

    ReplyDelete

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