Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Fit for a Hacker

There are so many different career choices in EVE.

Tisiphone Dira chose to become an Agent of the New Order--the most elite career the game offers.

Tisiphone did her duty to cleanse highsec of Golan Merkava's fail-fit Stratios. It's important to note that at any time, Golan could've requested the assistance of an Agent to help him fit his ship.

Golan asked Tisiphone to tell him what was wrong with his fit. Our Agent did so, and then Golan immediately rejected all of her sound advice. His abomination was "just fine". I guess it's a good thing Golan isn't the one who makes that decision! Our Agents are much more qualified to make the call.

Now came the moment of truth for Golan. Confronted with a copy of the Code, he could either choose to go one way or the other. He could behave like a Goofus or like a Gallant.


Golan predicted that Tisiphone would eventually wind up in San Quentin prison, notorious for housing death row inmates. Whatever crime he thought Tisiphone would commit, apparently it wouldn't be hacking.

Golan offered Tisiphone a few parting words and terminated the conversation. However, he wasn't done just yet. You see, there were two Agents on the Stratios killmail, and Golan wanted to get a second opinion.

It didn't take Golan long to realize that the other Agent marched in lockstep with Tisiphone--and with the Code.

The mere mention of my name was apparently enough to set Golan off. More evidence of his guilt!

The carebear condemned Agent William Telluric by declaring him a non-hacker. Is this a real insult?

The calm, peaceful, utterly unflappable carebear continued his angry rant.

Golan was indeed the CEO of his own corp. Dark Nebula Eclipse, a 21-member corporation, specializes in helping new players learn the game. With a "New Player Experience" like that, it's no wonder EVE has so much trouble retaining players.

Just think--if you sign up for EVE, you can have this guy as your CEO.

Golan had a bunch of corp business to attend to, so he quickly put a curse on Agent William and left. I wish Golan's corp members the best of luck. May they all be liberated someday.


  1. Broomstick arms. hahahahahahahahahaha.

    why didn't antiganking stop the gank?

  2. I always appreciate excellent tisiphone stories, certainly one of the most beautiful and yet capable agents of The New Order.

    I also chuckled at Williams psych 101 response, good times.

    1. shouldn´t you be selling mining gear in Jita local? :)
      although you say it´s loot i really think you´re producing the shiny things secretly yourself...

      please get your fellow "agents" educated and discover "show info" by right-clicking the ships in question.
      "calm down miner" to a pilot in a Stratios, fail fit it may be? capsuleer is the word your people are seeking.
      you guys must be american ;P
      stop your Trump logic now and don´t embarrass yourselves any further. and refrain from code logic (i know, strong contradiction here) but try to think on your own. it´s gonna be great, absolute phantastic, believe me, you´ll love it.

    2. Calm down, miner.

      Also, learn to spell properly.

      You must be North Korean.

    3. yea, north korean with internet and ability to play eve...
      please go back to your geography lessons my little beauty pageant.
      and maybe learn another language, at least try, your bubblegum-english is soo Trump ;)

    4. Calm down miner.

  3. The seething rage of a miner who pretends not to be angry is most amusing.

    1. Agreed. This one really made me smile very broadly indeed!

    2. Agreed, it's like a conditioned response with ag'ers.

      Also, anyone know what this 'non-hacker' insult is all about? Is he implying that if you're not a computer hacker you are somehow not worthy?

    3. No idea, 9:35. Sometimes it's best not to inquire too closely into the 'what' of a miner's post-gank prattle.

      This one's frequent - but unconvincing - references to psychological theoretical chapter headings would make me wary of getting closer than about 2km; blasters and Void S at the ready.

      That corp description was.....priceless.

  4. That miner is exactly the sort of player The Code stands against. He is ignorant, closed-minded, overly entitled, and has trouble keeping Local clean. He gets angry enough to suggest real life threats over the loss of some pixels and is an armchair psychologist with no understanding of the difference between RL and a game.

    Naturally he has placed himself in a leadership position so he can spread his ignorance and blame his mistakes on others.

    Red Pen material indeed! Great job Tisiphone Dira

  5. "Just think--if you sign up for EVE, you can have this guy as your CEO."

    Oh I'm signing up a new character right now.

  6. But where oh where is Ming?

    1. nothing wrong with that. Just glad he's keeping busy.

  7. You know. I am not a member of CODE. I have heard all of the crap thrown around about CODE. I have accepted it without really examining the truth. Today that has changed. I salute the members of CODE and the change that they are thanklessly advancing upon the sheeple of Empire Space. o7 and fly smart. Bryn en Cedoulain


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