Monday, February 27, 2017

Fraud in the Reimbursement, Part 1

Agent Kalorned has been an Agent of the New Order for many years now. Countless miners have learned about the Code from him. When someone like Kalorned ganks your Mackinaw, an appropriate response would be something along the lines of, "Thank you for your service."


Goofuses rarely thank people for their service. From Kalorned's incident report:

Once in a while as I'm out doing what I do, I run into especially strange miners. It's one thing to spend nearly six years in the game mining, it's quite another to do so and somehow manage to never have any losses on a killboard. Such was the rare creature I encountered one fine Monday afternoon in Boranai, when I met BARANDYWINE SHAWN-NEE.


Mining in a Mackinaw in the safe and cuddly 0.9 system, BARANDYWINE failed to respond to me when I greeted her in local, opting instead to continue mindlessly mining the Pyroxeres in front of her without so much as a friendly wave back. I responded to her rudeness by destroying her Mackinaw.


Miners can be so fickle. They're always telling Kalorned and our other Agents that they should "give a warning before shooting". But when they do receive a warning, they don't appreciate it.


As her character name suggests, BARANDYWINE was a big fan of the Caps Lock key. Not a big enough fan to keep her at her keyboard while she mined, but still a pretty big fan. Our Agent feared that once BARANDYWINE started typing in all-caps, she might not stop. Time to hit the pause button and start over. Kalorned was in no mood for a conversation with another crazy, abusive miner.


But in highsec, we must take the miner as we find him. Kalorned sighed, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work sorting out the mess.


BARANDYWINE claimed total innocence. She was as sweet and pure as a Mackinaw pilot could be in a 0.9 security system without a permit.


Our Agents are almost universally described as "tough, but fair". Kalorned set the miner straight. He was there to help her, but he wouldn't tolerate any nonsense.


BARANDYWINE was one of those people who likes to mine with the local window closed. She didn't want anything to compete for her attention while she was focused on mining. I guess having Kalorned's Catalyst alts pumping antimatter into her face was a little distracting.


The miner was furious at Kalorned. However, he strongly suspected there was more to BARANDYWINE's story than a lost Mackinaw. She was probably in a bad mood because she lacked the Code.


BARANDYWINE abruptly stopped speaking with Kalorned. Our Agent later deduced that at this point, she finally began to read the termination notice she'd received in her EVEmail. At the end of Kalorned's EVEmail, BARANDYWINE found what she was looking for: Svara Eir was designated as the Reimbursement Officer to talk to if she wanted to get her stuff back.


...And BARANDYWINE definitely wanted her stuff back.


Before long, an ominous window popped up on Svara Eir's screen.

To be continued...

18 comments:

  1. What a ghastly little pleb. I look forward to reading Part 2!

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    Replies
    1. They were busy failing non stop

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  2. You know they are mad when they type in all caps - must be an antiganking thing.

    btw antiganking failed hard over the weekend XD XD XD

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  3. "As her character name suggests, BARANDYWINE was a big fan of the Caps Lock key."

    Ahahahaha

    "I guess having Kalorned's Catalyst alts pumping antimatter into her face was a little distracting."

    SPACE BUKKAKE!!!

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  4. You god damn motherfucker scum bag... has a nice ring to it!

    Praise James

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  5. Hey, speaking of Burn Jita, does anyone know how many bumping machariels Lt Aldo Raine managed to gank?

    Can we get a number on that?

    Anyone?


    -Oink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AG's efforts during BJ were barely distinguishable from the background noise. They did manage to slightly prolong the suffering of a few freighter pilots, of the 170+ freighters we destroyed.

      I'm not aware of any bumpers being ganked.

      Here's their take on it: https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=6852273#post6852273

      Delete
    2. “We saved as many freighters as we could”
      - ie, none

      “Some freighters took 3 of your gank fleets to finally take down which were 2 gank fleets that could have been used for other targets, so logically those were saves as well.”
      - They were fails. You failed to protect the freighters.

      We were outnumbered 20 to 1, and you barely met your goal.
      - Correct. And you did not.

      Fighting for what you believe is right and just against overwhelming odds is the very definition of courage.
      - Please don’t confuse courage with stupidity

      If we had 20 more such warriors this weekend's results would have been completely different.
      -No, it wouldn’t

      Praise James! \0/

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    3. FUCK YOU CODE SCUMS!!! AG will not rest untill you are alla dead!

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    4. I looked into it and you're right Alt 00. The video he posted of the freighter being "saved" is misleading because Gwendolyn Arji was ganked only ten minutes later https://zkillboard.com/kill/60347761/

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    5. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. those shifting goalposts because ag failed so incredibly hard XD XD XD!!!!1

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    6. Yea, faildo raine is fail. All of ag is fail. ag only showed up to whore, they are mad at gankers for 'reasons', and they were there just to try and interfere. Not to help anyone.

      What did you expect? Anyone with an alt in both factions chat channels can tell you the difference is night and day. ag are hard pressed to have fun, even when they think they have won they are still very angry. That's not healthy.



      I really think we sbould stop calling them "anti-gankers", and start using an appropriate moniker.

      My suggestion: The Butthurt Brigade!

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    7. We had fun and we did save some freighters. I'm glad to see you guys are so obsessed with us that you are still talking about us.

      While Burn Jita was going on did you guys troll the hauler's channel? No? But you sure trolled the AG channel, you trolled as hard as you could too. We all got a great laugh out of it. XD

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    8. @ Alt00

      Courage vs. stupidity? Courage is doing something stupid for the right reasons. Cowardice is doing something smart for the wrong reasons.

      BOOM! Yeah, THAT... just happened! Shake and bake baby! :D

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    9. You just opened with "Courage vs. stupidity" but then compared Courage (albeit poorly defined) with Cowardice (also poorly defined).

      Perhaps you should do some kind of proof-reading before you post? Maybe have a friend read it first? If you need friends, please join New Order Logistics.

      Delete
  6. Good read. Looking forward to part 2. :)

    ReplyDelete

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