Sunday, June 4, 2017

Kills of the Week

Courage and cowardice. Both are on full display in highsec. Carebears engage in cowardly acts of bot-aspirancy, but their cowardice is no match for the resolute courage and professionalism of our Agents. As a result, the good people of highsec can experience hope. And we can all take pride in our Agents' Code enforcement actions, such as the following from the week of May 28th @ 00:00 EVEtime through June 3rd @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Duke Starhammer apparently has ambitions to become the next X-FEANOR. For the third week running, he has earned a place on Kills of the Week. This time, he lost an even more expensive ship, an 8.3 billion isk Orca that blundered through Niarja. Agents Another ShadeOfWhyte, Yojiro, Pure Whyte, ClearLove, Skeezy McSkeez, Gea Stormbound, Joe Kouvo, Aleeni, Horace Goes Ganking, Mark Ormerant, Kon Xanithex, Urban Worrier, Perlo Tissant, Collateralized Contracts, Basic Black Bitch, dAbOsSlAdY77, Jet Set Milly, and Dixie Lot gave Duke his weekly reminder to shape up.

Naturally, he didn't equip any of those Damage Controls he was carrying.

Admiral Zander didn't get the memo that our Agents are all too aware of carebears switching from freighters to deep space transports. The Admiral got his ship sunk when he ran into a trio of Tornadoes piloted by Agents Ralliana, Luna Nightblood, and Underpaid Ship Mechanic.

We can breathe easy knowing there are four fewer of these nasty little things out there.

Seriously? Another massive Occator loss: Rabid Gerbil's 14.4 billion isk anti-tanked hauler went AFK and autopiloted right into a group of our Agents. He was audited (and assessed penalties) by Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, and Tax Collector Thnx4Loot. Let's see what sort of cargo this fellow was carrying...

Ah, another expensive collection of drones. This guy spent 14 billion on drones instead of 10 million on a permit. What a Goofus.

Spy Saken didn't know that you can fit modules on freighters--or perhaps he didn't care. But a lot of people do care. Good people, like Agents dAbOsSlAdY77, Collateralized Contracts, Hermann Fizzleblade, Franz Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Jet Set Milly, Archibald Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, Lego Edd, Mark Ormerant, Urban Worrier, Perlo Tissant, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Kon Xanithex, Horace Goes Ganking, Unfit ForDoody, The Tension, ThunderTits, and Pat Makunt.

Oh boy, here we go. CCP recently overhauled the PLEX system, splitting every PLEX into 500 pieces. As seen here, 1,000 units of PLEX is the equivalent of two PLEX under the old system. The other important change is that PLEX can now be accessed anywhere in the game. In essence, it can teleport from station to station with absolute safety. CCP did this so carebears don't have to worry about being ganked with PLEX in their cargo.

...And bot-aspirants like Spy Saken still manage to lose it. Word is, CCP has another patch for stupid in the works.

Comandante Che was caught next door to Uedama with a 13.6 billion isk freighter. An impressive lineup of CODE. gankers assembled and brought down the behemoth: Agents Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, C-ta Vilosa, Mack Poddington, Taxman Daniel, Lawrence Lawton, Australian Excellence, Skiff Poddington, Mosquito Bites, Tax Collector BokChoy, Hulk Poddington, Tax Collector Aruka, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Hill, Tawny Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Trump The King, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Max, V-ktor Dolus, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Stroheim, and Tax Collector HongMei.

For whatever reason, Learza Thiesant was loitering in an asteroid belt with an Astero-class frigate. Agent Revis Owen found this suspicious, and his suspicions were confirmed when he discovered that Learza didn't even have a mining permit. Learza's ship and pod were promptly removed from the belt.

Implants worth a total of 2.3 billion isk were destroyed in the battle. Revis followed his usual protocol by sending Learza a "gf" by EVEmail. Learza replied:

Over the next several minutes, Learza contemplated the exchange. Then, as if a light bulb appeared over his head, he realized it was all true.

If you're enjoying EVE today, there's a really good chance that you got your content from the New Order of Highsec.


  1. woah another week of failure for antiganking. how many weeks of non-stop pure failure have they been having?

  2. Good job Agents! Always!

  3. Word is, CCP has another patch for stupid in the works. I think I peed a little with that comment....classic LOL

  4. something about Learza's loss reminds me of another very interesting person, but i just don't know what

  5. Wow. Plex in a hauler AFTER 'the plex vault' patch.

    There is so much more stupid in high sec than I thought possible.

    Hey CCP, maybe you should just make every system a 1.0 instaCONCORDOKKEN carebear sanctuary.

    You devs started this crap of making highsec idiot proof. So what's next? Invulnerability bubbles that prevent aggression without a triple signed, double mutual, 'we only fite when everyone agrees to stop at hull' wardec?

    Idiots cannot be protected from themselves unless you isolate them from everyone else.

    EVE can never be 'too hard', wtf were you thinking when you started trying make EVE safer for idiots? If CCP want's to get rich off of carebears playing a mining simulator, then maybe the devs should create a game just for that. It should ber easy to develop and maintain if everyone mines in complete safety with zero unscripted conflict.

    You should never mess with evolution, that's how you get mutants. Not the capable X-men type mutants either, you get the sewer ones from Futurama.

    At this point the devs need to gtfo (and take the carebear shitter with them)


    1. the difference between stupid and genius is that genius has limits

  6. lol gf zopiclone aka Learza. The CODE. always wins.

  7. Orca kill should not be listed, not a code kill


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