Saturday, December 28, 2019

Tugging at the Hems of Power, Part 10

Previously, on MinerBumping... Tug Industries Corporation was in a state of utter confusion and disarray after being defeated by Agent Kalorned over and over again. Suddenly, one of the local miners had an idea: Kalorned must submit himself to a duel. The outcome of the duel would determine the fate of the Gamis system.


zandar Melkan was determined to be the man who would take on Kalorned in honourable 1v1 combat. Until Kalorned agreed to the duel, zandar would camp him in the station.


Unfortunately, zandar and the rest of the miners still suffered from a lack of intelligence. zandar "camped" the station while Kalorned was out bumping miners.


The fact was that Kalorned's bumping Orthrus was too slippery for the miners of Tug Industries. The Agent came and went as he pleased.


It became apparent that zandar's plan to force Kalorned into a duel had a serious flaw: There was no way to make him participate. The miners would need to talk him into it.


zandar hoped to pressure Kalorned by questioning the Agent's legendary courage. It didn't work.


Then the miner invoked Kalorned's ancestors. But zandar hadn't done his research.


Maybe it was the Agent's Orthrus that made him invincible. Perhaps a member of Tug Industries could get an Orthrus of his own and counter-bump Kalorned?


...Oops. Folg3r Tinlan had an active kill right due to his botched suicide attack against Kalorned using a Cynabal earlier that day.


The miners were horrified to see Kalorned (and a friend) triumph over them yet again. But zandar Melkan was not Folg3r. If only zandar could get his duel...


Alas, 'twas another tragedy. For some reason, zandar thought he could suicide gank Kalorned. It cost him his battleship and all hope of victory against the indomitable Agent.


Kalorned casually inspected the wreck. As he did so, he reflected upon all of the ships that the miners had thrown away in their failed gank attempts. And carebears say ganking is easy!


An impartial witness pronounced the final verdict on the day's events. Kalorned had been completely victorious. The miners would need to find a way to adapt to life under New Order rule.

To be continued...

7 comments:

  1. such a heartwarming tale

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know EvE could benefit from more subs, but CCPearl Abyss should strive for quality over quantity.

    What I'm sayin is: EvE needs more gankers and less cowardly highsec miners.

    It don't even matter that some of them tried to fight back, they would not even be featured here if tugcorp were not hiding in highsec. They call the Agent a coward, from the safety of CONCORD's shadow....

    Agent Kalorned is what these highsec miners deserve. He's keeping the sandbox alive in highsec! The only thing worth being in highsec for is the wholesale slaughter of carebears that are too dumb to find a nullsec home.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Praise be to Agent Kalorned! A glorious tale to behold!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "My Ancestors were all innocent bystanders. They're very proud of me right now."

    You still crack me up, Agent K!

    -Galaxy Pig

    ReplyDelete

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