Thursday, December 19, 2019

Tugging at the Hems of Power, Part 8

Previously, on MinerBumping... Driven mad by their hatred of the Code, Tug Industries Corporation launched a frenzied assault against Agent Kalorned. But the Code enforcer was victorious.

Kalorned reviewed the list of vessels destroyed in the attack against him. Tug Industries had thrown away so much in their vain attempt at resistance. If only they could accept the joy of the Code!

Despite his tremendous military success, Kalorned pursued a path of peace. What a guy.

The local carebears refused to congratulate our Agent on his triumph. Instead, they made accusations against him and cursed his name.

When a highsec miner loses a battle, he tends to view it as a moral failing on the part of the person who defeated him.

Kalorned had certainly earned the right to gloat, yet he chose not to indulge in any chest-thumping or schadenfreude. He simply went about his business, enjoying the EVE sandbox like nothing special had happened.

Tug Industries pilots could have complimented Kalorned on his graciousness--or at least appreciated it. Incredibly, the carebears spoke words of bitterness to our Agent, making themselves even smaller than they already were.

The defeat of Tug Industries did nothing to quiet the miners. Indeed, a new commotion began to stir in local.

More accusations and conspiracy theories followed.

A new word--a new name--found itself repeated in local chat, over and over.

Now, I know what you're thinking, dear reader: Who the heck is zellbob?

zellbob was a miner who had spoken a few times in local during Kalorned's bumping campaign. He appeared very briefly, for example, in Part 6 of this series. Judging by his killboard, his corporation, and every other piece of evidence available, he was a random miner with no affiliation to Kalorned or to the New Order--or to anyone else, really.

For some unknown reason, Tug Industries pilots latched onto the idea that zellbob was the source of their woes. zellbob's presence, some said, was correlated with Kalorned's recent appearances in the system. zellbob became a scapegoat--a highsec witch, if you will.

The miners demanded that zellbob be ganked. If Kalorned killed him, that would prove zellbob's innocence. Otherwise, they would burn zellbob at the stake themselves.

To be continued...


  1. Oh my goodness, does CCPearl Abyss not have a screening process, or at least an age limit for new customers yet?

    These miners are really going places...

    1. Give it time. They haven't fired the moron Icelanders yet.

    2. apachreeeeeeeeeeeee!

    3. apachreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    4. This must be the anon who was on his soapbox the other day about the substance of an argument being more important than the person conveying it.

    5. WTF are you going on about? Substance vs origin?

      This is not about whatever that was. This is about apachreeeeeeeee! Just read a few of his comments over the last few years, now there's a highsec miner trying to be something he's not.

      And every so often he loses his shit and starts spouting the same old homophobic, racist, angry shit that the highsec miners say when ganked in their shitfit retrievers.

      Angry, like a highsec miner.

      apachreeeeeeee!, despite his desire not to be, is in reality just nother highsec carebear shitter.

      You can prove me wrong by linking his zkill, I can't seem to find it...

  2. I could hear Zellbob smirking way back in Part 6.

  3. Highsec miners are like incels. Always playing the victim instead of upping their game.

    1. More like furries. I love how the best insult millenials can come up with is calling somebody a virgin.

  4. What do we burn, besides gankers? Wood, of course. And wood floats. What else floats? A duck floats. So logically, we should toss the Zellbob in the lake and if it floats it must be a duck, and therefore made of wood, and a ganker by extension. If it drowns it was an innocent miner. We are wise in the ways of science. It's a fair cop.


Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.