Thursday, December 26, 2019

Holiday Filament Cheer

Nbr1derp Dallocort had every intention of spending a lazy day mining in highsec with an Orca. Even more brazen: He planned to stream the whole thing on Twitch for the world to see!


While Nbr1derp's Twitch stream was in progress, he received a private convo invite from a stranger named Kanye North.


Kanye claimed to be part of the anti-Code resistance--a natural ally to unlicensed miners like Nbr1derp.
Kanye North > yo
Kanye North > im following krig
Kanye North > i have a killright from when he tried to gank me
Kanye North > can you get me a warp in on him
Nbr1derp Dallocort > ok
Kanye North > gonna get this fucking guy
Nbr1derp had total confidence in Kanye, who was hot on the heels of a dangerous New Order Agent. The miner joined Kanye's fleet to assist him.

Then something wonderful happened.


Nbr1derp found himself teleported along with Kanye into the Fountain region. Kanye had activated a special "holiday filament" which allows fleets to open a direct portal into a random nullsec system. To prevent this mechanic from allowing players to have excessive fun, the filament only works if everyone in the fleet has his safety switched off. Nbr1derp's safety was set to red, so Kanye was able to bring him to nullsec. When the miner realized what had happened, he immediately set a course for highsec.
Kanye North > i want 150m to stop shooting
Kanye North > and 200m to take you back to hs
Kanye North > otherwise ill kill you
Nbr1derp Dallocort > Kanye North fuck off you all are just ass holes that cant win a reall fight
Kanye was incensed by the lack of faith that Nbr1derp had demonstrated by activating his warp drive. Before Nbr1derp's Orca could get away, Kanye tackled him and demanded a ransom.
Nbr1derp Dallocort > fuck off
Nbr1derp Dallocort > you are a losser
Kanye North > pay me 150 ill let you go
Kanye North > i dont wanna kill you
Nbr1derp Dallocort > yeah right
Kanye North > i really dont dude
The last thing Kanye wanted was to get unnecessary blood on his hands. Yet there was no escaping the fact that Nbr1derp owed him money.
Nbr1derp Dallocort > if you really wanted to make isk then you would do it the right way
Kanye North > this is easier
Nbr1derp Dallocort > fuck off
Nbr1derp Dallocort > you have no honer
Kanye North > i do
Kanye North > i swear on my life
In most situations, EVE players do not honour ransoms. However, Kanye was fully prepared to let the Orca go free if Nbr1derp opened his wallet.
Kanye North > send me 150m i stop shooting right now
Nbr1derp Dallocort > FUCK YOU
Nbr1derp Dallocort > kiss my ass
Kanye North > ok how about
Kanye North > you send me 10m
Kanye North > ill send you a mining permit
Kanye North > then i wont have to kill you cause youre a code compliant miner
For just 10 million isk, Nbr1derp could have saved his Orca--worth many times as much. But the miner was a Goofus. He didn't have the sense to put his trust in Kanye.
Nbr1derp Dallocort > go fuck your self
Nbr1derp Dallocort > you cant do reall pvp yo loser
Kanye North > please calm down miner
Nbr1derp Dallocort > i dont give a shit
Kanye North > :(
Nbr1derp Dallocort > go fuck yourself
Kanye couldn't believe his eyes. The miner was basically killing his own Orca, all while streaming his own poor sportsmanship to Twitch.
Kanye North > this entire thing hurts me more than it hurts you
Kanye North > but thats the price we pay for order in highsec
Nbr1derp Dallocort > blablalba
Kanye North > i hope one day you can accept james into your heart
Kanye North > have a nice day
For whatever reason, Nbr1derp couldn't bring himself to enjoy the holiday filament experience.


With a heavy heart, Kanye collected the Orca killmail and was treated to the sight of a beautiful explosion. It didn't have to be this way.


To Nbr1derp's surprise, his Twitch audience--such as it was--sided with the Code.


But the miner shouldn't have been surprised: People love a winner. And the CODE always wins. Always!

20 comments:

  1. That shitter should make like shardani, and quit.


    Good job Agent North! The miners deserved it.

    Always!

    ReplyDelete
  2. With a name like Nmbr1Derp, you should expect something like this to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *be a miner*
    *get teleported to nullsec*
    *talk shit to the guy that can now BLOW YOU UP*
    *get blown up*
    *cry like a bitch and then realize your Twitch audience is laughing at you*
    *delete Twitch account*

    Kanye you magnificent bastard..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Twas the coup de grace. Low-effort Twitch streamers need culling. But it belies a bigger problem: there are viewers who actually pay RL$ to farmers, or sit through ads to enable them?

      Delete
    2. apache could you be more of a little bitch boy?

      Delete
  4. Good to see the old Aussie " shitbag" getting thrown around.


    If only the miner had a mirror.

    Never forget Kalynn Shardani who murdered his minor because he failed to stop a bank.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LIES and slander!!!! he is not for the common folk!

    ReplyDelete
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