Sunday, November 17, 2019

Kills of the Week

Practice, practice, practice! You know, for years our Agents have been telling the carebears to get right with the Code and start an exciting new career in ganking. Carebears need to learn how to PvP properly. Otherwise, they'll fall behind the rest of EVE. It's such an important lesson that our Agents are willing to give these carebears the push--the bump, if you will--that they need. From the week of November 10th @ 00:00 EVEtime through November 16th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Former freighter pilots of EVE, you cannot hide your contraband in an Occator. Our Agents have been killing those things forever. Daspus Tuggs managed to lose a staggering 48 billion isk when he was caught autopiloting. Agents Vlada Inkunen, Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, Zhung Fei, and Ariku Orenuk sacrificed 5 Tornadoes and scooped 26 billion. Not bad.

This was the kind of stuff that Daspus was hauling around. Daspus needs to PvP more.

On the other hand, PvP'ing badly is never the answer! Highsec miner TieLight somehow got the idea to duel Agent Krig Povelli while in a 252 million isk Mackinaw. Krig was in a Triglavian assault frigate at the time. And he had the Code. After Krig easily won the battle, he popped TieLight's 684 million isk pod. Then the miner sought revenge by bringing in a capacitor-tanked Dominix to suicide gank Agent Krig. Once again, Krig won. Noticing a pattern yet, carebears?

Late last week, Raynord took a speed-tanked jump freighter into Jita, a place where jump freighters tend to die. Somehow the bot-aspirant managed to be surprised by what happened next. 'Twas a delightful ambush organized by the Kusion and Fizzleblade families: Agents Jason Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Josh Kusion, Ilvari, Yojiro, Franz Fizzleblade, Justin Kusion, Luscius Uta, Jeffery Kusion, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, Archibald Fizzleblade, Walther Fizzleblade, Unfit ForDoody, Hermann Fizzleblade, Jared Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jaiden Kusion, Jack Kusion, Erich Fizzleblade, Lutz Fizzleblade, Jax Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Hagen Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Etriza, Homoerotic Finger Painting, and Miraille. Another 10 billion isk down the drain.

Still, hauler pilots continue to experiment with ways to try (and fail) to evade detection. Elkin Sklor used an interceptor as a hauler. He was caught by Agents Cautiously Optimistic and Depressed and Aroused, who keep smartbombing battleships in lowsec for just this purpose. Elkin fully intended to smuggle his wares into highsec. Not while the New Order is in charge, my friend.

Yes, even ordinary cruisers are being transformed into Code-violating haulers. Solomon Iskander thought he'd be inconspicuous in a Maller. Just in case his gambit failed, he decided to equip some defenses. But he couldn't decide which strategy to use. Tank, speed, or Warp Core Stabilizers? He tried all three. And they all failed. Agents Narl' Amhar, Votre Dieu, Astrid Tyrfing, and Rungerd taught the carebear that there's only one way to stay alive in highsec: Obey the Code.

Even in 2019, there are people who think they can autopilot through highsec in a shuttle. Victor Victor Rothwulf had 4.3 billion isk worth of implants, but he couldn't even bring himself to protect them with more than a shuttle. Agent Aaaarrgg pops shuttles for a reason. People like Victor are the reason.

Farewell, Victor's implants.


  1. hahaha look at the retards

  2. I'm a practical educator. I don't allow apologist doctrines to dictate my lesson plans. Let's call a spade a spade: these slaughtered pilots were clearly retarded.

    Yes, I said RETARDED. Let's review the definition:

    retarded [ri-tahr-did]
    characterized by a slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc.

    No one who has read a single episode of Miner Grab Bag could disagree that New Order territory is full of pilots that meet the definition. They are desperately in need of a dose of the only effective cure.

    The Code applies equally as well to everybody, from the mental midget to the elite PvP'er, with the notable exception of bot-aspirants. Enforce it and don't let up.


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