The Wrong Miner

Previously, on MinerBumping... I returned to Kamio, one of the first systems I ever took ownership of, and was amazed by the local hostility. The native miners were behaving in a restless and unsettling manner.

Despite the resistance, I was holding my own. My innate goodness rendered me impervious to the attacks of the foul carebears. I forgave them. They still owed me money, but I forgave them in the abstract sense.

People debate the best ways to win friends and influence people. I think it's simple--let your actions do the talking. Don't try to persuade people that you're worthy of their loyalty. Prove it.

I knew JackFrost Saissore had been plotting revenge against me ever since I bumped him out of the ice anomaly. Yet I could perceive there was still a small door open, hidden behind his curiosity.

If JackFrost became a new Agent, he could save himself a lot of trouble. I gave him several seconds to think it over, but he was more stubborn than I anticipated.

Highsec can be deadly dull when the New Order isn't around. When an Agent does appear, everyone starts to gather around. Sometimes these crowds can conceal rebel assassins, but I remain accessible regardless. I am confident that the people love me. Also I can't be killed.

I continued my vital work. After just one bump, Victor Day objected.

I was fascinated by Victor's claim that he could defend himself. Fascinated, but skeptical. Impressively, he already knew about the ol' "Ibis duel" trick.

Some learn best by reading, others by listening, and still others by doing things. When someone warns me of the consequences of bumping them again, I can't help myself.

As promised, Victor Day transformed himself. One moment he was a highsec ice miner in a Mackinaw. The next, he was an internet tough guy in a station.

...Then the other shoe dropped. Victor Day was no ordinary carebear. He had an entire PvP fleet at his command, and they were waiting just 10 minutes away. Oops!

Some miners will freely admit to being defenseless carebears. They'll beg to be left alone, or they'll threaten to file a petition. Other miners will claim to have powerful, secret identities. I'm often told that it's only a matter of time before I bump the wrong person. Was the end of the New Order at hand?

To be continued...

One Agent's Worth

Every New Order Agent in highsec is like a torch shining in the darkness. The impact of even a single Agent is measureless.

Meet Ruwmina, a relatively new recruit to the New Order. Feeling the call of the Code, she embarked on the journey of a lifetime, and settled in the remote system of Isanamo, in the Lonetrek region.

Almost immediately, good things began to happen in that system.

I always find it amusing when someone other than the victim of a gank starts the convo. Is the gank victim too intimidated to speak for himself, or is he shaking with rage?

Many carebears in highsec are stunned by the prospect of spaceships exploding in a game about spaceship combat. This is why the New Order is so important.

Despite the fact that there was a perfectly good explanation for the gank, the gank victim's friend made vile threats.

The carebear corp actually carried through on its threat and declared war. Now you can be shocked. Granted, they were declaring war against Ruwmina's one-woman corp, but still.

Here's the thing about trying to fight back against the legitimate government of highsec: Agents of the New Order are elite PvP'ers all. Ruwmina was delighted to be outnumbered, because it gave her plenty of opportunities to kill the enemy.

My dream of highsec miners being forced to field defense fleets became a reality. However, they were no match for Ruwmina, who launched daring raids, slipping in, scoring kills, and slipping back out.

More rebels came to the party. Naturally, they were all slaughtered.

They tried to stick mostly to inexpensive combat equipment. But as with any fight against highsec miners and their friends, there are always opportunities to get to the gooey carebear center.

With their entire corporation unable to defend even one spot against Agent Ruwmina, they scattered like cockroaches. They were exterminated.

As the war came to a close, the death tally piled up. Ruwmina inflicted 42 kills against the rebels, suffering no losses of her own.

The massacre of the miners was completely avoidable. They need only have followed the Code that they were deemed to have agreed to in the first place, and showed proper respect to their superiors. It was such a shame that they chose to taste death instead.

Later, after they finally managed to snag one of Ruwmina's Hawks, she was back at it in Isanamo. The death of a billion isk Hurricane Fleet Issue (flown by a friend of the carebear's corp) resulted from some kind of scuffle involving Ruwmina's fellow ganker, Rollotamasi. And so the crusade to save highsec continues!

The New Order War Machine

In December 2012, I unveiled my plan for the creation of the Knights of the Order, an army of suicide gankers who use Catalysts to annihilate miners caught violating the Code. It didn't take long for our reputation to be established.

After the barge buff in August 2012, the suicide ganking of miners had dropped to "historic lows", according to CCP. The New Order revived the practice and reminded carebears that there is a difference between right and wrong.

Thousands of miners have purchased mining permits, pledged their loyalty to the proper authorities, and follow the Code. Hope shines brighter than it ever before.

The noble Catalyst is the primary weapon of the gankers. Some rebels attempted to resist us, but found themselves overwhelmed by our numbers. In addition to dedicated ganking corps like New Order Logistics and NEW ORDER DEATH DEALERS, numerous "freelance" Agents have rallied to the cause, cutting across all EVE: members of big alliances, small corps, 1-man corps, and NPC corps. All kill in the name of the Code. The resistance movements, to the extent that they even made an effort, failed. They simply couldn't keep track of so many Agents ganking miners in so many systems.

Shortly after the creation of the Knights of the Order, I announced a reimbursement program in which the money from New Order shares would be paid out to gankers, based on the Catalysts they sacrificed for the cause.

For eight months now, the Knights have been fueled by the power of New Order shares. Although the gankers themselves are very familiar with this process, today's post reveals, for the first time, the full extent of the reimbursement program. Over the course of this noble crusade, the number of Knights has increased substantially--as has the number of gankers who can pilot tech II-fitted Catalysts. Over 111 billion isk in New Order shares have been donated into my wallet. Yet I am poor. Why? Because I am a river to my people!

Pictured above is a typical reimbursement batch, performed by yours truly, once every several days. Some reimbursement batches are larger than others; this one was bigger than average because it included a series of NEW ORDER DEATH DEALERS reimbursements, which are usually requested all in a row. Keeping track of the amount of reimbursements paid out is very simple. At the foundation of the New Order, James 315's wallet had a couple billion in it (with the vast majority of my personal wealth kept on the Currin Trading character). Add to that a few billion in mining permit sales and a few billion for writing articles for TheMittani.com, and I'd have about 7 billion isk in my wallet. Everything else would come from New Order shares. I have no income sources and, since my Invincible Stabber still hasn't been killed, I've had no expenses other than the reimbursements I pay out.

Here's what is in my wallet today:

I estimate that the New Order has reimbursed about 110 billion isk of ganker ships and equipment. Let that figure sink in. That's more than double what was paid out by GoonSwarm during the entirety of Hulkageddon Infinity, which ended last year at the time of the barge buff. Thousands of (mainly) tech II Catalysts, along with a handful of Brutixes, have been repaid to keep gankers ready for action. The money was put to good use, and efficient use at that--well over a trillion isk worth of damage has been inflicted upon the carebears.

This has been made possible due to the courage and generosity of more than 500 different shareholders--one of the biggest market enterprises in EVE's history. 26 billion worth of shares were purchased even before I announced my intention to use the money to reimburse gankers; people had faith that the New Order was a good cause. During the first two months of the program, the money poured into my wallet. Though a lot of Catalysts were reimbursed, our numbers had not yet grown, and fewer of our pilots were fielding tech II equipment. From that point, reimbursements paid out exceeded the amount of isk coming in, but not by much. My wallet slowly drained, month by month, until it reached 7.6 billion, which is roughly what I'd expect to have left after every last share went into reimbursements.

As long as the money flows in, and as long as shares are purchased, reimbursements will be paid out. Gankers will continue to wreak havoc among our enemies. To keep the New Order community apprised of the health of the reimbursement fund, I will have the amount in the "treasury" put on display, in a picture like the above, atop the month's contributors bar on the side of MinerBumping. It will be updated each time the shareholder info is updated (which is also when I do my reimbursement batches). This way, potential contributors will be able to make informed decisions on when and how much to donate to the cause so that the killing may continue unabated.

110 billion worth of ganking ships reimbursed. That face you see is the face of a man who is very proud to be the Father of the New Order and Saviour of Highsec today.

A Cold Day in Trethell

Ah, balmy Kamio. It was the second system ever to be annexed into New Order territory.

For some reason, miners come and go throughout highsec, always looking for a better deal. This means that no matter how long a system remains in the warm embrace of the New Order, there will always be a refreshing flow of new friends for us to make.

Suddenly things got chilly in Kamio. Out of nowhere, a miner named Trethell left the asteroid belt, docked up, and raged at me from within the station. I didn't know him, but he acted like we were archenemies or something.

I don't understand why so many miners toss around insults about my mother. Just imagine how awesome a woman would need to be, to give birth to me.

I'm a notoriously good judge of character. After only a few minutes of chatting with Trethell, I began to form an opinion about him.

Trethell bristled at the suggestion that he lacked honour. It was as I suspected: He had been brainwashed by the carebearists and bot-aspirants.

Meanwhile, I assisted some other future paying clients. JackFrost Saissore was at his keyboard, but was tragically short one mining permit. Trethell discouraged JackFrost from paying.

Like a disease, hatred and ignorance can spread from person to person. Despite my smooth conversation-starters and professional demeanor, Trethell successfully poisoned JackFrost against me. JackFrost might've been well on his way to Code-compliant bliss if not for the interference.

I wanted to get to the bottom of the Trethell problem. I didn't recognize him, but perhaps he was still reeling from a previous encounter with one of my Agents.

Sure enough, Trethell had lost a Retriever back in June, to a suicide ganker named Saltire. I don't know if Saltire was acting in the name of the Code, but Trethell was acting like it. On the other hand, he'd moved all the way from the Metropolis region to get to Kamio. I noticed that Trethell had an interesting fit: It's not every day you see a Retriever with 200mm Reinforced Nanofiber Plates. Or for that matter, any ship with those plates.

It's a shame that people like Trethell try to pit the rich and poor against each other. We're all in this thing together. The New Order does not discriminate based on socioeconomic status; every miner owes the same 10 million isk, no matter what.

Despite being chased out of a distant region, Trethell insisted that the reach of the gankers was short. But I was more concerned about the disturbing thoughts that JackFrost was starting to voice.

I knew what to expect when I saw that familiar glint in JackFrost's eyes. I'd seen it before. It was the look of treason.

To be continued...

The Oldest Noob in Highsec

Another terrifying message from a dead miner. Agent Lenda Shinhwa assumed that Covetor pilot Crystalreine Reflections was an easy target. But he made a huge mistake!

Just kidding. Agents of the New Order don't really make mistakes. Less than an hour after sending the threatening EVEmail, Crystalreine switched gears and began complaining that he was just a helpless, "week old noob" who "cant fight back". This is typical. We hear all the time that the New Order is full of bullies who pick on newbies. The problem with this argument is that it's not true. And even when a dead miner claims to be a newbie, they're never actually newbies. Sometimes these "noobs" have been playing the game for six months, or a year, or...

Lenda decided to look up Crystalreine's bio and forward it to me. The "week old noob" started playing EVE over seven and a half years ago, on Christmas Day, 2005. Incredibly, this carebear's character is older than James 315!

Lenda encouraged Crystalreine to put aside his revenge fantasies and begin following the Code. Crystalreine insisted that he didn't have access to 10 million isk, repeating the claim that he was just a "fucking noob".

When Lenda called him out on his bio, Crystalreine finally admitted that he had played EVE for about two years, taking a break and then returning recently. In typical carebear logic, the facts didn't matter, because Crystalreine "feels" new. Apparently, his two years of experience in EVE evaporated from his memory; all he could remember how to do was mine and fit his ship "semi properly". Let's take a closer look at his Covetor's "semi-proper" fit:

Yeah, nothing wrong there. No tank in a 0.5 system, a bunch of drone rigs, and an empty lowslot, because why would a Covetor need more than one of those?

Strangely, Crystalreine's mood didn't improve even after unburdening himself of his lies. Lenda tried to get the poor fellow to snap out of it.

Mining, fail-fitting ships, whining, and filing petitions: These are the only skills that Crystalreine still possessed after taking a few years' break from EVE.

In spite of Crystalreine's Swiss cheese memory, things were beginning to return to him. In an instant, he recalled that the EULA forbids scamming and interrupting gameplay (i.e. blowing up spaceships). Space lawyering is like riding a bicycle, it seems.

At last, Crystalreine's confidence was restored. Armed with the phone number for customer service, he was ready for anything the EVE galaxy could throw at him. Impressed, Lenda sent him this GIF:

Every time the subjects of miner ganking, bumping, wardeccing, can-flipping, and other highsec fun comes up, concerned citizens solemnly lecture us about the importance of retaining new players. We must protect the newbies, they say. They don't know what they're talking about, because they haven't interacted with any of these alleged newbies. The New Order, on the other hand, knows the carebears all too well. With "noobs" like these, who needs bittervets?